Where We Are
by Katelyn Rhianne
Summary: Four years ago, Carol married John "Tag" Tagilieri. Four years ago, Doug left Chicago and his love for Carol behind. What has happened since they last met and what will happen when their paths suddenly cross again? AU but set during Season 5. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I'm finally posting my new story, featuring the most amazing couple in ER, Doug and Carol :) No twins...yet! I really hope you like it and please don't be shy...review! :)**

**Where We Are**

**Chapter One**

With a heavy sigh, Carol Hathaway Tagilieri left the trauma room and the bloody mess behind. Her feet dragged with tiredness as she walked along the well known corridors of County General Hospital, her mind still on the teen who they had worked on for over an hour and had failed to save. She knew everyone else was thinking _Just one less gang banger_, but she had talked to him, heard his story and comforted him. He was just a messed up youngster, in the wrong place at the wrong time and definitely with the wrong crowd. Of course she had called psych when she had heard his story, when he first came in, a bullet in his arm. However, they had failed to turn up before Carol had found him. They had rushed him into the trauma room and worked relentlessly to repair the self inflicted damage, but after an hour, had given up hope they would ever get him back.

Again, Carol sighed as she arrived at admit and leaned on the counter top, elbows propped up, hands holding her face.

'Has John called yet Jerry?' she asked the desk clerk.

'Yeah, about twenty minutes ago to say he's working late and that you should go ahead without him' the tall, broad man replied, smiling sympathetically at the nurse.

'Thanks Jer' Carol said, keeping her eyes down and the frown from forming on her face. She turned and headed into the Doctors Lounge where her three year old son lay, fast asleep, on the couch. Chuny Marquez was sitting in the chair, sipping a coffee.

'Thanks for watching him, Chuny' Carol whispered, bending down to press a kiss into her son's brown, curly hair.

'No problem. What happened with the kid?' the other nurse asked.

'They cracked his chest but we didn't get him back' Carol replied, skimming over the events that had unfolded in the last hour.

Chuny sighed. 'Just another gang banger' she said, with a patronizing shake of her head.

Carol rolled her eyes. _You're wrong_ she thought to herself but didn't speak the words aloud.

'Hey, Zach' she whispered to the sleeping child, 'Hey, buddy, time to go home'.

The three year old mumbled incoherently and turned away from his mother, reluctant to come out of his deep sleep.

'Looks like you'll have to carry him' Chuny said, smiling fondly at the child.

'Yeah, looks like it' Carol repeated, quietly. She sighed and picked up a heavy blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it tightly around the toddler before lifting him gently into her arms.

'See you in the morning' Carol whispered to her friend and left the lounge before she would have to take part in any more mindless chit chat. Zach's head drooped sleepily on her shoulder and his deep breaths in and out made her neck tingle. She reached up, fondly, and rubbed the child's back, just the way he liked and smiled when he sighed against her neck.

'Night, Carol' Mark called, then cringed when he saw the sleeping child on her shoulder.

'Sorry' he mouthed to his friend and Carol smiled. Mark was her oldest and best friend here at County and even though John hadn't liked it, Carol had insisted he become a godfather to Zach only hours after she had given birth.

'Night' she called back gently and then quickened her step so as to get out of the ER before someone else could call her back.

Carol walked as quickly as possible through the parking garage, desperately wanting to be out of the cold and to have Zach out of it too. She really didn't need him to pick up yet another cold, she had already missed over three weeks of work to look after him since the colder weather had set in, only two months ago. As soon as she had Zach strapped in on the back seat, Carol jumped into the car, turned over the ignition and then jammed the heaters up to full blast. She only spared a second to realised John would now have to take the El home as they had come in together that morning. She briefly considered waiting but then she spotted Zach in her rear view mirror and quickly banished the thought. It was late, he was tired and they both had early starts in the morning. So she threw the car into reverse and backed out of her parking spot, forcing herself not to think of how cold it would be on the El.

When Carol pulled up outside her house, Zach was still dosing on the back seat. She switched off the engine and wrapped her coat and scarf more securely around her as she prepared for the quick dash from the car to the house. She hated having to move Zach when he was sleeping so angelically but with the engine off, the cold Chicago air was creeping quickly into the car so with a deep breath, she threw open the door and had herself and Zach at the front door within seconds. As soon as the lock clicked open and the heat of the open fire already blazing in the sitting room hit her, Carol was glad she had such an over bearing, over protective mother. She rushed inside with Zach in her arms, quickly snapping the door shut behind her. She laid the still sleeping child on the couch before she shed herself of her large winter coat and headed for the kitchen.

Helen Hathaway was already there, the sweet smell of almost cooked Shepherd's Pie billowing from under the oven door. Carol inhaled deeply while running her still stiff hands through her hair.

'How was work?' Helen asked her exhausted daughter.

'Rough, as usual' Carol replied vaguely.

'I honestly don't know how you work in that place, Carol' Helen complained for what felt like the ten-thousandth time.

Carol sighed. 'I like it mom, no matter how rough the work is sometimes. Plus, it's handy that John works there too. And all my friends are there' she replied, sitting down at the kitchen table to remove her shoes.

'And where is John?' Helen asked, and Carol immediately regretted mentioning her husband's name.

'He's still in work. It was a busy day' Carol said, as she crossed to her bedroom door and grabbed her fluffy slippers. She wondered why she was defending him; she hated that he was never home too.

'He works too hard, that man. Zachary never sees him' Helen commented, as she removed the dinner from the oven and dished up.

'It's his job, mom' was all Carol said in reply, as she sat down at the table again. Helen carried two plates over and sat down with her.

'I'll leave his in the microwave. Make sure he eats it later' Helen told her daughter. Carol nodded as she dug into her meal; she was famished after such a long day.

Once the kitchen was clean again, John's dinner covered and in the microwave and Zach changed into his night clothes, Helen kissed her daughter and grandson goodbye and left to go home to her own house. Zach was now awake and his nap had brought on another round of his never ending energy. He jumped around the sitting room, dancing to cartoon theme tunes and shouting answers at those few that attempted to get kids thinking. Carol busied herself with the housework that needed doing and had started into a pile of ironing when she noticed it was way past Zach's bedtime. She set down the iron and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the battle she knew would ensue as soon as she mentioned "bed". She crossed the room and shut of the TV.

'Bedtime, buddy' she sang, trying to make it sound exciting. Zach's face dropped.

'NO!' he screamed and threw himself down on the floor, readying himself for full tantrum mode at the next mention of bedtime.

'Zach, don't start. It's late and you have day care in the morning' Carol said as gently as she could, kneeling down beside her son.

'But daddy isn't home yet' Zach whined.

'I know but he'll come up to say goodnight when he gets in' she said, attempting to placate the stubborn child.

'No he won't! He never does. I want to see daddy!' the three year shouted, beginning to cry. Her son's tears made Carol want to cry too. She hated that John did this to Zach. The child didn't know any better. His little friends at day care bragged about playing football with their dads' whereas Zach barely got to see his.

'Zachary, don't make mommy mad. Now, please, up to bed' Carol said, trying to be stern with him.

'No, I won't. I want to see daddy!' Zach shouted again, then jumped up from the floor and ran towards the door. Carol barely caught him before he ripped open the front door.

'Zach! That's very naughty. Santa Claus won't come unless you behave' Carol tried not to shout at the toddler.

'I just want to see daddy' Zach sobbed and allowed his mom to pick him up.

'I know, baby. You'll see him tomorrow, now let's go' Carol said, quietly and headed upstairs with him.

It took over a half an hour for Zach to calm down enough to get under his covers. Carol added an extra blanket, knowing how cold it would get later, kissed her son goodbye and returned downstairs. She turned the TV back on and switched station until some mindless sitcom came on. Then she returned to her ironing. She only wanted the TV on as background noise, to distract her from the thoughts she always had when she was alone. She sighed as her mind floated back in time, regardless. She had almost reached the bottom of the pile when a key in the door dragged her out of her memories and she looked over her shoulder to see her husband coming through the door.

'Hi' he said, warily. Carol set down the iron again and prepared herself for another battle, more stressful than trying to get a stubborn toddler to bed.

'Where have you been?' she asked.

John Tagilieri set down his briefcase by the door and walked as far as the couch. He dropped onto the cushions and without asking, picked up the remote and flipped channel over to ESPN. 'Work, where else' he answered, eventually.

'Zach cried for over a half hour tonight' Carol informed him.

John glanced over at her. 'What? You're going to make me feel bad for working?' he asked, meaning it to be rhetorical.

'When your son cries himself to sleep because he doesn't get to see his father, hell yeah I'll make you feel bad. No one makes you work all those extra hours, John' she snapped.

John sighed heavily and stood again. 'We're not having this discussion now' he said as he headed for the stairs.

'Well, I say we are' Carol shouted.

'We're not' he insisted as he began to climb the stairs.

'Your son misses you, John' Carol called after him.

'I don't hear you saying you miss me' he replied, stopping half way up the stairs.

'I do, in more ways than one' Carol muttered. John sighed and continued upstairs.

Carol went to the couch and sank into its comfort as tears stung at her eyes. She did miss John but she missed Tag more. He had been loving and caring and fun and _there_ when he had been Tag. But as the years passed and he began spending more time away from his family, the familiar nickname faded away until Carol ended up calling him John all the time. That was how she differentiated. Tag was the man she fell in love with and married. John was the man that was never around, that she resented.

_D&C_

A soft wind whistled through the trees as Doug Ross sat out on the back porch of his home in Washington DC. It was evening, that time between light and dark, when everything was silent. Doug's favourite time of day. The wood of the porch was still wet from the down pour of rain the city had saw over the last week, but, for tonight at least, it was dry. Doug reached for his beer and took a long sip, staring into the trees, listening, thinking. He never knew why he had chosen DC. Maybe it was the hospitals and the opportunities, or maybe it was the milder weather, or quite possibly it was the first destination he had spotted when he had arrived at the airport, running from his pain, from his memories, from _her_. Washington was new, no bad memories of his awful childhood or of the one true love he had lost. Four years had passed but he still could not quite manage to dismiss his memories of her. Of course he had his job at the Childrens National Medical Centre which he loved. He had never loved a job as much as that one. Well there was one, but he tried not to think about that time of his life. Truth be told, his job was the only good thing in his life at that moment.

Doug took another sip of his beer as he spotted the flashing lights of a car's headlights creating shadows on the side of the house. He sighed heavily and got to his feet. Taking his beer with him, he ambled around the house to the driveway where a pristine white Mercedes had just parked. He smiled to himself as Vanessa Hamilton stepped out of the car. He spotted the smirk that flashed across Vanessa's perfect features as she took long sweeping steps towards him, hips swaying as she approached him in her five inch heels, her expensive off-white suit hugging her flawless curves. When she arrived at his side, no pleasantries were passed between them. Instead, one hand ran up his neck and into his hair and she pulled his face to hers, lips crushing down on his unresponsive mouth. She didn't seem to notice this and before she could, Doug returned the kiss, pulling the woman closer. She leaned her body against his, forcing him to back up to the wall of the house. His hands, now on auto-pilot, moved around her waist, ran up and down her thighs and then worked themselves up to her hair where they latched on and pulled her closer still. She smiled against his lips and pulled back.

'Hello' she said in that firm voice, fully of authority.

Of course her attire and her vehicle screamed success and they were perfectly right to do so as Vanessa owned one of the largest law firms in the state and was an extremely high profile lawyer herself. Doug chuckled.

'Hi' he replied with a playful smile on his face.

She considered him for a short few seconds before taking his hand and heading for the door.

'I've had a bad day and I need you to make it all better, doctor' she cooed, giving him a short wink. Doug followed her, if anything, just for the distraction.

There was only one thing that Doug disliked about Vanessa. He did like that she came back most nights. He liked that she worked long hours, like himself. He liked that she never demanding anything from him. He liked, of course, her perfect curves, beautiful face, blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. He liked her attitude and daredevil-ness. Above all, he liked that she didn't want any commitment, she already had that with her husband. And that one thing he didn't like – Vanessa just wasn't _her_. But she was a distraction – from his loneliness, from work, from memories. She was company on a cold night. Doug knew it wasn't love for he was quite sure he would never love again. Love was painful, too painful.

Doug watched, a few hours later, as Vanessa dressed at the edge of his bed. The clock on the nightstand showed 12.30am. She was heading home to her husband, on the pretence, of course, that she had a harrowing case coming up and had spent all these extra hours in the office.

'Same time tomorrow?' she asked, slipping into her pencil skirt and zipping it up. Doug ran a hand through his already tousled hair.

'I have to work the grave yard tomorrow night' he lied, but really, he just wanted a night to himself.

'Poor baby' Vanessa cooed, leaning across the bed to press a lingering kiss onto his lips. Doug smiled, for her sake rather than anything. She didn't need to know that he dreamt of another's lips on his.

'I'll text you' she whispered as she left the room, slinging her blazer jacket over one shoulder.

When he was alone, Doug sighed and brought his arms up behind his head. He closed his eyes and _her_ face swam before his eyes. He took a deep breath and got out of bed. Arriving in the living room, he switched on the TV and turned over to ESPN. Sports. His second best distraction.

His mind continued to wander, even with the minor league baseball game playing in the background. He hated that he was the way he was. He didn't like to think that some other woman might someday replace _her_. But then again, another man had replaced him and she was happy. He was happy too – sort of. Doug chuckled into the dark room. He couldn't even lie convincingly to himself. So he stopped trying to, just for the moment, and let his mind wander where ever it pleased. What was she doing right now?

_D&C_

As the clock neared 11.30pm, Carol wiped away the last few stray tears and stood up from the couch. She slowly began to climb the stairs, expecting John to appear at the sound of her footsteps. He did not. At the top of the stairs, she paused, listening. When only silence met her, she crept across to Zach's room and peeked in. He was sound asleep, breathing heavily with one small, dimpled hand resting on his head. Carol smiled and backed out of the room. She noticed the spare room door was ajar and through the crack, she could make out the silhouette of John, lying silently on the bed, whether asleep or not, she didn't know. She bit her lip to stop the tears from spilling over again. Her husband, the man she had chosen to be with for the rest of her life, the man who had chose her, would rather sleep in the spare room than in their marital bed. Still holding back tears, Carol crept back down the stairs and into her own room. She lowered herself onto the bed, slowly, and sat in silence for several minutes before a sob wracked through her body and she succumbed to tears again.

* * *

_**AN:** Well...What did you guys think? A lot different from my usual stuff, isn't it? I really hope you liked it and I would love, of course, to get some lovely reviews :) _

_To readers of Family Secrets: Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about it :) The next chapter should be up by the end of the week, so keep an eye out!_

_Also, I want to say a huge Good Luck to my little boy, Noah, who is starting in pre-school tomorrow :D (Still wondering who will cry more, me or him, lol) _

_Katelyn x_


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Carol woke to the sounds of light footsteps in the kitchen. It took a second to realise why this made dread fill every particle of her heart. Then she remembered the argument with John the night before and sighed heavily. He was sure to be in an awful mood with her now and the last thing she wanted was to argue with him in front of Zach. So, with her heavy heart, Carol pushed back the covers, donned her fluffy dressing gown and made her way into the kitchen, bracing herself for cold, side long glances and minimum conversation.

'Morning, mommy!' Zach called, seeing his mom stumble into the kitchen.

Carol looked around the kitchen and the sitting room but didn't see John anywhere.

'Morning, baby. What are you doing awake so early?' she asked the toddler, spotting on the cooker clock that it was only just after five.

'Someone slammed the front door and woke me up. Was Grandma Helen over again?' Zach asked, cocking his head to one side.

'I sure hope not' Carol said, forcing herself to smile and joke with her son, 'Because we all know what Grandma Helen can be like in the morning, don't we?'.

Zach giggled and nodded. 'She makes me wear icky clothes that she bought me' he said, wrinkling up his nose.

Carol smiled and ruffled his brown curls before heading upstairs.

'Where are you going, mommy?' Zach inquired, padding along behind her in his slipper clad feet.

'I'm going to get you some icky clothes to wear' Carol replied in a low, put on spooky voice, causing the child before her to break into giggles and run away, waving his hands above his head. Carol smiled at his innocence and then carried on up the stairs.

But when she pushed open the door of the guest room, she found it empty, bed made, curtains back and an old shirt of John's over the end of the bed. Tears sprung to her eyes as she realised that John had left without even seeing her or Zach and she sank onto the bed feeling only total despair.

'Mommy! Can I wear my spiderman tee-shirt, pretty please?' Zach voice called up the stairs. Carol brushed away her tears hastily and stood up.

'Sure you can, baby' she called back, making her way towards the door. Only then did she spot the post-it, stuck to the doorframe. She reached out and pulled it off the wood and immediately recognised John's untidy scrawl.

_I took the car today. You can take the El in the cold this time._

Anger flared up inside Carol and her fist closed over the note and she felt the paper scrunch under her fingers. No, she was not angry that he had taken the car. Not angry that she would have to take the El. She was angry that John had left Zach with no other option but to freeze on the train while it rattled its way across town to the hospital and the toddler's day care. How could he do that to a child, no matter how mad he was with her?

* * *

'Haleh, could you take Zach up to day care please? There's something I need to do before my shift starts' Carol asked the resident nurse, while dragging her snow covered feet across the mat just inside the main door of the ER.

Haleh smiled that wonderful, friendly smile of hers and scooped Zach up into her arms. 'How about we go play in the snow first, I'm on my break' Haleh suggested to Zach and his brown eyes lit up.

'I'd rather you didn't, Haleh. We've been stuck on the El for the last half hour and he's already freezing' Carol said, while shaking her hair out from under her hat.

'Why didn't you drive?' Haleh asked, taking one of Zach's hands and holding it to her face, then looking shocked when it was so cold.

'Long story. Could you just take him to day care?' Carol asked, again.

'Sure, honey. You go ahead. I'll get this little guy sorted' the shorter woman replied and bustled off with Zach in her arms.

Carol, still too angry to wait for the elevators, turned towards the stairs and took them two at a time.

* * *

'How dare you!' Carol shouted, storming into John's office.

John was standing behind his desk, reading a wall calendar when she burst in and turned quickly to look at his wife.

'How dare I what?' he asked, nonchalantly.

'Take the car. Zachary was freezing this morning on that stupid train! I know you're mad at me, John, but you didn't have to take it out on him. You could have taken him with you this morning! No need to punish him too' Carol shouted.

John's jaw hardened. 'I wasn't punishing anybody, Carol. Don't overreact' he said, in such an offhandish way that Carol had a fleeting urge to slap him across the face. But, determined to hold back her anger, she just folded her arms and waited for him to speak again.

'I have a patient on the way, if you don't mind' he said, gesturing towards the door, then taking a seat behind his desk. Carol gritted her teeth and turned for the door but when she caught John's slight smirk, instead of leaving the office, she slammed the door shut and turned back to him.

'I've had enough of this! You treat me like some doormat. I'm your wife, John! Not your maid. If you really think it's okay for you to stay out 'til all hours and barely even set eyes on your wife and son then maybe you shouldn't be married! I work just as hard as you do, heck I work harder, that ER is a mad place! But I don't come home and barely speak to my husband, ignore my son and then sleep in the spare room when things don't go my way! This ends here. You either decide that you actually want to be in this marriage and be a father to Zach or you get out!' Carol shouted, then without even giving her husband a chance to speak, she ripped open the door and stormed out.

But instead of returning to the ER, she headed straight for day care. She needed Zach. She needed to cuddle him and know, at least, there would always be him and he would always have his mommy.

_D&C_

As the weak sun finally rose over the horizon, Doug stepped from his car and headed towards the door of the Children's National Medical Centre. Today was a good day. He had woke up smiling and had, so far, no depressing thoughts about his past, only happy memories of a certain room, lit only by candle light and a certain woman in his arms. As the doors of the medical centre pulled back, Doug's knees buckled as three small children hurdled themselves at the paediatrician.

'Good morning!' he smiled down at the kids.

'Morning Dr Ross' the children chanted. He scooped the youngest in the group, a little brown haired girl called Eden, into his arms and she grinned at being the one he had chosen.

'Dr Ross, my mommy says that you have really soft hands. How does she know that?' Eden inquired. Doug pressed his lips together to stop himself laughing at Eden's question but then forced the smile back onto his face when her mother, Alicia James, arrived before him. '

Good morning' Alicia said, smiling in that flirtatious way of hers.

'Morning' Doug replied, letting Eden down out of his arms. She pouted and he laughed.

'How about we check you over and then have Megan bring you some ice cream' Doug suggested to the five year old. Eden's eyes lit up and she happily skipped away to the nearest exam room.

'You didn't call' Alicia said, pouting too, her resemblance to her daughter was striking.

'Well, I knew I'd see you today' Doug replied, smiling at the tall brunette. Alicia cocked an eyebrow, disbelievingly, but then just shook her head and gestured towards the door which Eden had disappeared through.

'Shall we?' she said. Doug nodded but looked over his should first. He spotted one of the younger nurses and called her name.

'Megan!', when the nurse looked around, Doug flashed a smiled and she blushed. 'Could we get the usual for Miss Eden James when you're ready?' he asked. Megan bobbed her head, smiling shyly at the doctor and then hurried off to the cafeteria.

* * *

'Doug, just the man I wanted to see'.

Doug jumped and turned around and when he saw the Chief of Staff approaching, he quickly snapped the door closed, shutting Alicia in the empty exam room.

'Something I can do for you, Will?' Doug said while glancing down to check all this clothes were arranged correctly on his body.

'Yes, there's a children's medical conference in Phoenix in a few days and I'd like it if you could go to represent the hospital' Dr William Mason said to his employee. His tone, however, let Doug know that this wasn't a request, it was an order.

'Well, I was kind of hoping I could get a few days off next week, like I'd planned' Doug hedged. Vanessa was flying to New York for a court case and he was hoping to accompany her.

'You can have an extra few days while you're there, but I really need you to go, Doug' Will replied, and Doug heard the "And that's final" note in his voice and decided not to argue more. He wouldn't be able to go to New York with Vanessa, but on the bright side, he hadn't ever been to Phoenix and maybe he'd have time to catch a Suns game.

'Okay, Will, but just so long as I can have a few days off to stay there since I'm missing my trip to New York' Doug conditioned.

Will nodded. 'Fair enough. I'll send word that you'll be there, and thanks' the Chief said as he turned on his heel and headed back up the corridor. The door behind Doug creaked open.

'You were going to New York?' Alicia asked, pouting again that she wouldn't have the doctor all to herself.

'Just a bit of vacation time left over. But guess I'm going to Phoenix now' Doug replied and when he saw Alicia's pout coming on he added, 'It's for work and it will be boring without you'.

At this Alicia smiled and they both headed back to Eden's room.

_D&C_

At the exact same time, Carol wrapped her arms around her son's skinny frame, soaking up the comfort the child's embrace offered, tears stinging at her eyes but her anger still flared inside. And as she sat with her son, someone's face floated to the fore of her memory and without realising she smiled, wondering what had happened to him in the four years since she had broken his heart.

* * *

_**AN:** Sorry this took so long. Trust me, it felt so weird not posting, reviewing, reading etc. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter :)_

_The hospital Doug works in, The Children's National Medical Centre, is a real hospital in DC (To the knowledge of google anyway, ha). Phoenix Heart Hospital, which is the hospital Doug will be visiting in Phoenix is also real (again, google, so if I'm wrong you know who to blame (*cough* Google *cough*) lol)._

_Review :D It makes me smile!_

_Katelyn x_

_RIP to the best Grandad I ever knew. I miss you everyday. You always encouraged me to do things that I thought I could never do, which is why I'm able to keep writing now. September 4, 2010, we will never forget xxx Love Katelyn, Noah-J and Rory_


	3. Chapter 3

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Three**

The Doctor's lounge had darkened as Carol sat there, mug in her hand, yet the coffee had gone cold hours ago. Her shift had finished at seven and here it was, nine-thirty, and she still sat in the lounge, watching Zach's chest rise and fall with his deep breaths as he slept on the couch. Every now and again, when an ambulance arrived in the bay outside, streams of red and blue light illuminated Carol's face. Her eyes were down, watching her son sleep, one hand folded around the mug, the other holding her head, her legs curled up underneath her. Her anger had not abated in the least through the day, causing Kerry to repeatedly ask her if anything was wrong. Of course, she had tried her best to convince her boss otherwise but maybe her grimace had given away the fact that all was not well.

Carol had almost decided to try to have a civil conversation with John that evening when they went home but when she had rang his office around six, she was told by a med student that he had already left for the night. Upon hearing this, Carol had run outside to see that the car was gone from its usual spot in the parking garage and her anger flared to new levels. Unable to face going home to the argument that was inevitable, Carol had collected Zach from day care as usual and then returned to the lounge, where she still sat now.

The door of the lounge suddenly opened and Mark Greene entered, many charts shoved under his arm. He didn't seem to notice Carol as he began making himself a coffee. After pouring the steaming liquid into a mug, Mark turned towards the table in the corner and happened to spot Zach, lying on his stomach, still fast asleep. His eyes quickly scanned the rest of the room and smiled when he saw Carol in the chair.

'What are you still doing here?' he asked, going to sit on the end of the couch, near her chair.

Carol shrugged and finally leaned over to rest her mug on the table in front of her. She unfolded her legs from under her but crossed her arms and kept her eyes down.

'What's up?' her best friend asked.

Carol looked up at him, but quickly averted her eyes when she saw him watching her closely. 'Nothing' she mumbled, starting to pick at the arms of her woollen jumper.

She heard Mark sigh and place his mug down next to hers. 'Carol, you do know that you can tell me anything, right? I'm your friend and I'm here to help' he said, placing a hand on her knee, gently.

The tears Carol had refused to let fall during the course of the day, flooded her eyes instantly at her best friend's touch. She took a deep breath and tried to blink away the tears. Then it came to her that Mark would be a good person to confide in, because, beside him being one of the people she trusted most in the world, he had gone through this already.

'Mark, how did it start, you know, when you and Jen split up?' she asked, slowly. Comprehension flooded Mark's features as he finally understood Carol's mood.

'You and Tag having problems?' he asked, softly.

Carol looked up at him again and their eyes locked. She nodded, again trying to blink away tears.

'Well, I guess she just got tired of me never being around. She was trying to finish Law school and my hours were getting in the way. Rach was so young at the time that it was hard for her. Then she was offered that job in Milwaukee and the distance put more of a strain on things. Rach was being passed back and forth and it wasn't fair for any of us. Then she met Craig and I realised I had lost her' Mark explained as much as he could because he knew his friend needed answers.

Carol nodded, noticing how alike the situations were, apart from she and John still lived together. If you could really say that, even.

'Can I ask what's going on with you two?' Mark asked, softly. Carol was silent for so long, Mark began to think she had not heard him. He had just opened his mouth to speak again when she answered.

'Kind of the same thing, I guess. He's never around. Zach cries himself to sleep at night when he doesn't get to see his dad. I know he works hard but so do I, Mark, and I still manage to look after our son and the house and everything else. It's not fair. We're fighting all the time and Zach hears most of it which makes it all worse. And he just doesn't seem to care at all' Carol explained and Mark nodded, understandingly.

Now, after opening up to Mark, Carol found it hard to stop. 'We drove in together yesterday but he rang to say I could go home without him. When he finally arrived home we started fighting and he slept in the spare room. This morning he left without even seeing me or Zach. He left a note saying I could take the El. Zach was freezing by the time we got here and now he's gone with the car again and the thoughts of taking Zach out into that cold is killing me and John doesn't even care!' she ranted.

Mark pressed his lips together, not altogether sure how he should comfort Carol. In the end, he settled on saying, 'Do you want a ride home?'

Carol's mouth pulled up at one side in a half hearted smile and Mark took that as a yes. He stood, abandoning all the charts he had brought with him to work on and scooped his sleeping godson into his arms. Carol stood, went to her locker and pulled out her coat and scarf and then followed Mark and Zach out the door.

'Night Dr Greene, night Carol' Randi called from the admit desk as the trio past them.

'Night, Randi' both doctor and nurse called back and Zach stirred on Mark's shoulder.

'Uh-oh, looks like this little guy is waking up' Mark whispered to Carol.

'No chance. He sleeps like a rock' she replied, resting a hand on her son's back and rubbing it until he relaxed again. Mark smiled, then wrapped his spare arm around Carol's shoulders and led her out into the night.

They walked as quickly as possible through the parking garage to Mark's mini-van, the cold wind whipping at their faces. Mark laid Zach out on the backseat and Carol slid in beside her son as they did not have a car seat for him. Mark hopped into the front seat and quickly turned over the ignition. He switched on the heaters to full blast and before they even left the garage, the car was toasty warm.

'Thanks for this, Mark. I couldn't bear to put him on that El' Carol said, quietly, as Mark waited for a gap in the oncoming traffic. She saw Mark smile through the rear view mirror.

'If you want we could go over to my place. Rach is there with a sitter and I'm sure she'd love to see Zach' Mark suggested.

Carol was tempted, anything to put of the inescapable argument, but Zach was already asleep and if she went straight home and put him to bed first, maybe he would be spared from hearing his parents fight.

'Thanks, but I think I should get Zach home. I'm on again at seven so we'll be up early' she replied.

Mark nodded and, finally getting a large enough gap, pulled out onto the street. Carol stared out the window while simultaneously running her fingers through Zach's curls. Honestly, she was exhausted but knew it would be a while before she could sleep, and even longer before she could sleep peacefully. Her eyes were starting to droop when she spotted a familiar car parked against the curb.

'Stop' she called out to Mark and he complied, looking around for whatever had caused Carol's reaction.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

'That's our car' Carol said, looking more closely at the grey sedan. Mark looked in the same direction as Carol and knew without hesitation that it was, indeed, her car, for the small sign reading "Prince on Board", which Mark himself had bought when Zach was born, was hanging from the back window.

'That med student, Sasha, said he had gone home. What's going on?' Carol asked, but Mark knew she didn't intend to get an answer.

Carol's mind was racing. What was going on? Why was the car here when she had been told John was gone home, hours ago? Had something happened to him? Had he been lying?

'Can we go back, please?' Carol asked, needing to know. Maybe he had left her the car after all and Sasha, the med student, had just forgotten to pass on the message.

'Sure' Mark replied, looking over his shoulder to check for cars and then swinging the car around and going back into the parking garage. 'Do you want me to come in with you?' he asked, as he pulled back into his earlier space.

'No, that's okay. You stay with Zach' Carol replied, getting out of the car and heading back towards the hospital.

'Hey, Carol, what are you doing back?' Randi asked, seeing the charge nurse re-entering the ER. Carol forced a smile.

'Forgot something' she said and headed for the stairs. Randi's eyes followed her with confusion, wondering why she was going upstairs. Then she shrugged and went back to her work.

Emerging onto the Psychiatrics floor, Carol turned left and her feet automatically led the way to John's office. When the door came into view, she saw a dull light emitting from under the door. Her anger reappeared, suddenly thinking that he had lied about going home just to avoid her. Nobody else was around so Carol didn't hesitate and walked straight towards the door and swung it open.

Her heart dropped through her stomach as her eyes took in the scene around her.

John was sitting in his chair, his shirt on the floor, his belt unbuckled and sitting astride him was Sasha, the med student, in nothing but lace panties. Silence filled the whole room.

'Carol' John eventually croaked.

But it seemed that Carol's whole being had shut down. She couldn't move, she couldn't think, she could barely breathe. Her fist clenched so hard over the door handle that her knuckles went white. Sasha had removed herself from John's lap and was dressing quietly in a corner. John rose from his seat, fastening his trousers as he approached his stunned wife.

'Carol' he whispered again.

This time Carol snapped to and as John drew nearer, she started to back away from him.

'Sorry I interrupted' she spat, forcing herself to inject as much venom into her words as possible. John reached out to her but she moved away, turned and fled down the corridor. He called after her, but she didn't stop and took the stairs two at a time.

Mark was standing at the admit desk with a now awake Zach in his arms when Carol reached the ER. She forced herself to slow down and breathe before she could be bombarded with her friend's questions. As she approached the desk, Mark turned and Zach called, 'Mommy'.

Carol reached out and took Zach from Mark and held him close, determined to hold in her tears until he was out of sight. But vivid images kept flashing through her mind and it made it hard to remain in control.

'What's going on? Did you see Tag?' Mark questioned, looking at his best friend with concern.

Carol simply nodded and took a deep breath, still struggling to hold it together. 'Mark, could we go back to yours, please' she requested, finally, gripping onto Zach even more.

Mark's eyebrows came together but he nodded anyway. 'Sure' he replied, taking the child back into his arms and leading her out of the ER for the second time.

**_D&C_**

Doug turned the key in the lock and entered his cold, darkened house. He was exhausted from a long day at work and he'd had to begin organising his trip to Phoenix too. He entered the kitchen, flicked on a light and then grabbed a beer from the fridge. He rummaged through the drawer for a bottle opener, popped the cap, and then headed for the sitting room. He threw himself down onto the couch and flicked on the sports channel on the TV, then settled back to watch the highlights.

After watching in for a few minutes and becoming fidgety on the couch, he decided to simply check his emails and then head to bed. He ambled over to the computer in the corner of the room and turned it on. When it eventually came to life, he entered his email details and was surprised to find three emails waiting for him. He smiled when he saw that the second was from one Susan Lewis.

Even though Doug had left Chicago and _her_ behind, he found it impossible to totally disconnect himself with the place and people that had once made him so happy. Especially Susan and his onetime best friend, Mark Greene. So, every few months they traded emails, keeping each other up to date of the goings-on of their busy lives. Still smiling, Doug clicked on Susan's email.

_Doug,_

_Here I was, sitting at the admit desk in work today when the chief of staff asked me would I be available to accompany some delegates from other hospitals on a tour of our ER and Paediatrics unit in a few days. I agreed, half heartedly, until he handed me a list of doctors that would be coming and here wasn't your name half way down. _

_YOU'RE COMING TO PHOENIX! _

_To my hospital! I can hardly believe it, this is great. I've been living here for a whole year now and I haven't seen anyone from County since I left Chicago and now, you're coming! You'll love Phoenix and I promise to show you all the sites when you get here (you do have a few days, right?). And Phoenix Heart is such a great hospital, I love my work there and I'm sure you'll like it too. Maybe I can convince you to relocate! I'm so excited to see you again. It's been way too long!_

_In response to your last email, Chloe and Susie are great. Susie is four years ago already, can you believe it? She started pre-school this year and I actually cried, I was worse than Chloe! How are things going for you in DC? Have you found yourself a nice wife yet? I haven't heard from Mark in a while, how is he?_

_I'm so excited to see you! See you in a few days!_

_Love, Susan _

Doug smiled, imaging his old friend's expression when she had spotted his name on her list. He had been completely shocked when Susan had told him she had moved to Phoenix but then again, Susan loved Little Susie more that anyone and where Susie went, Susan went. He guessed that she still didn't trust her sister with the child and that's why she followed but they all seemed to be doing great now, or so she said. Doug remembered that day when Chloe had disappeared, four years ago, leaving Susan to bring the baby along to the wedding...

He stopped his thoughts right there, he didn't want to think about _her_. Not tonight.

He clicked on "Reply" and began to type.

_Susan,_

_Yes, I'm coming to Phoenix. I'm looking forward to having a break from work and seeing you again. It really has been too long. I'm going to hold you to that promise of showing me the sights, I've never been to Phoenix and since you're a long term resident now, who could be better?_

_You know me, Susan, terminal bachelor. Pigs will fly before I settle down. I'm glad things are going well for you and Chloe and, of course, Little Susie. Four years old already? _

_No, I haven't heard from Mark in a while, either. We haven't spoken much in the last year or so, but so I hear he's become quite the Ladies Man, or so Haleh says. She really does know everything, doesn't she? _

_Looking forward to seeing you too,_

_Doug_

After clicking send, Doug shut down the computer without even checking the other two emails and headed for the stairs. He really was exhausted. But after reading Susan's email, he was beginning to look forward to his trip and, even though it would probably hurt him to hear, maybe he could find out how _she_ was, whether she was still happy or not.

And that small part of him that still clung onto hope so desperately, begged for the latter to be true.

* * *

_**AN: **Sorry it took so long. I guess you could say I had a touch of writer's block. That plus a toddler with an ear infection so it's been difficult to get any time to even **try** to write, lol. The next chapter for Secrets **should** be along any day now, it's almost ready :)_

_Reviews make me smile... :)_

_Katelyn x_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sorry this took so long. Unfortunately, real life got in the way :( I've made this chapter extra long though, because I probably won't get to update it again for a while.**_

'ZACH!' Rachel Greene screamed as Carol, Mark and Zach came through the door of Mark's tiny apartment.

'Hey Rach' Zach grinned and wriggled himself free of his mother's arms. Once on his feet, the toddler dashed over to the nine year old girl's side and hugged her around the waist. Rachel wrapped her skinny arms around Zach's neck and returned the hug.

'Rach, why don't you bring Zach into the bedroom and show him your new toys' Mark suggested.

Rachel sighed dramatically. 'He's a boy, dad. He won't be interested in my things' she replied, rolling her eyes as if Mark had been incredibly stupid.

'Rach' Mark said, his tone of voice dropping. Rachel sighed again and then took Zach by the hand.

'Come on Zach, I'll show you a new game I got for the computer' she said and led the child away. Mark smiled and then turned to thank and pay the babysitter.

Carol had already sunk onto the couch and was holding her head in her hands, wondering if she had imagined everything she had seen in John's office. After he said goodbye to the sitter and let her out, Mark went to the kitchen, flicked on the kettle and then returned to his friend's side.

'Carol, what happened?' he asked, quietly, hesitantly, touching a gentle hand to her quivering shoulder. There was silence for several minutes, then Carol raised her head and wiped away some stray tears.

'I can't believe he'd do that to Zach' she mumbled.

She didn't even care that John had cheated on her. Well, she did, but she cared more that Zach would be the one that got hurt the most in the whole sorry mess that was her, now failed, marriage. She listened to his voice, quietly babbling away in the other room, with Rachel. Her son, the most precious thing to her in her whole world, would be hurt. Zach was her reason for being, the reason she got up in the morning. Carol looked up at Mark's concerned face and forced herself to say that one sentence that would mean this was true.

'He cheated on me, Mark' she said and finally succumbed to tears.

Mark automatically moved onto the couch and cradled the sobbing woman in his arms. He spoke the usual words of comfort, 'Everything will be okay' and 'Ssh, it's alright' and so on. Of course, he, of all people, knew how Carol was feeling. He had been in her shoes. Admittedly, he knew his marriage was failing before he discovered Jen's affair, but that didn't make it any easier to take. He still asked himself those questions. Why? When? Who? But Carol and Tag had seemed so happy. Why would Tag do that to such a wonderful person? Mark felt like punching his lights out. Between sobs, Carol recounted what she had seen upon opening John's office door and wailed loudly when she spoke about explaining to Zach.

Eventually, her sobs subsided and she sat up to look at Mark. 'What do I do now, Mark?' she asked. It was a simple question, but there was so simple answer.

'Well, do you want your marriage to be over? Do you want this to be it?' he asked her in return.

His questions made Carol's eyebrows come together as she thought about it.

'I love him, Mark, he's my husband, but I can't just go on like this didn't happen. I don't even want to speak to him right now. But I can't imagine my life without him. I just don't know what to do' she finished with a small sob as she wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks. Mark rubbed her back, offering as much comfort as he could but he was still at a loss for words.

'I really don't want to see him. I don't want to go back there' Carol said, her shoulders trembling.

Mark would gladly have offered to let her stay with him for a few nights, but he knew that Carol needed to talk to Tag and try to sort things out, get explanations if nothing else, for her peace of mind. Not that endless and pointless questions wouldn't spin in her mind for weeks anyway. He sighed.

'You're more than welcome to stay here, Carol. You and Zach. But, I really think you should talk to him' he said, quietly, hoping she took his advice.

With a deep breath, Carol sat up. Her eyes were red rimmed, her cheeks blotchy and Mark could see how heartbroken she was just from one look at her eyes. The sparkle was gone from them. 'Maybe you're right' she said eventually.

Carol didn't want to speak to John, afraid if she laid eyes on him right now, she might do something she'd regret. But this was her marriage and her son's happiness on the line and if she didn't go speak to him and try to sort things out, she'd never move the guilt that she had given up and lost her son his father without even trying.

'Can Zach stay here? I don't want him around for this' Carol asked.

Mark half smiled. 'Of course. Just go speak to him and them come back and stay for the night. He'll understand that you need your space' Mark replied.

Carol nodded and stood up. 'I won't say goodbye to Zach. He'll just ask what's wrong. If he notices I'm gone just tell him I went to the shop of something, 'kay?' she said.

Mark nodded. 'Don't worry about him. He'll have a ball with Rach' he said.

Carol nodded and exhaled deeply. 'Here goes. I'll be back later. Thank you, Mark' she said, hugging her best friend and then heading for the door. Mark smiled encouragingly when she looked back and with another deep breath, Carol left his apartment.

* * *

Needing time to collect her thought, Carol walked the short distance between Mark's place and her house. She didn't even know if John would be home and the image of that med student draped across him flashed across her mind again. But as she neared the house she saw lights on in the living room. She didn't know what she was going to say to him and the thoughts of confronting him now overwhelmed her and she stopped in her tracks.

_Come on Carol, you can do this_ she thought to herself and forced her feet forward. But as she climbed the steps to the porch, her worst nightmare came through the front door.

'Carol, you're so very late, tonight! And where is Zachary? Why is John in such a mood, he almost kicked me out. Of course, I left with my dignity but he's never been that way before. He must have had an awful day. But where have you been?' Helen Hathaway demanded of her daughter.

Carol closed her eyes and rubbed her temples with her fingers. 'Mom, I need to go and speak to John. Can we talk later?' she said, not even looking at her mother and pushing her way past.

'Carol, what is going on?' Helen asked, turning as Carol laid a hand on the door knob.

'Mom, just go home, alright' Carol snapped and quickly stepped into the house. She needed to get away from her mother's questions but in doing so, she had placed herself right in front of John, without a clue of what she was going to say.

John's expression was apologetic, sorrowful and afraid. Carol just stood at the door, waiting, for both him to speak and her mother's footsteps on the wooden porch to fade. Once she knew her mother was gone and it was evident that John wasn't going to speak anytime soon, Carol moved away from the door, past John, and into the living room.

'So?' she said, wishing to break the silence and prompt him into speaking. It worked.

'Carol, I'm so so sorry. I don't know what I was doing! I can't believe I was so stupid. I promise it will never happen again. I'm so sorry I hurt you, I never ever wanted to hurt you, or Zach. I love you two more than anything. I'm so sorry. Please...You do believe me right, that I never meant to hurt you?' John asked as he watched Carol's expression harden.

She took a deep breath and replied, 'I believe that you never meant to get caught'.

John shook his head, advancing on his wife. 'Carol, you and Zach are the most important people in my life' he said.

'Doesn't mean we're the only ones' Carol retorted, her anger from earlier returning. She left the living room and entered the kitchen, took a glass from the cupboard and a bottle of wine from the shelf and poured herself a healthy amount. John followed helplessly along in her wake, a pleading expression on his face now.

'How many, John?' Carol asked, turning to face him, leaning against the counter.

John struggled to find words. 'Times?' he eventually asked, looking lost.

Carol shrugged. 'Times? Women? I'm not fussy' she replied.

Again, there was silence, until John asked, tentatively, 'Does it matter?'.

Anger surged up through Carol and without making a decision to, she threw the wine glass at her husband, who ducked and it hit the wall behind him instead.

'OF COURSE IT MATTERS! I mean was tonight the first time, just an act of weakness, or has it been going on for weeks, months, years? God, you really have it good don't you? You go out and fool around and I stay here and take care of your house and your kid! Is that really fair? Maybe I should go and have an affair. What do you think? That would even things up nicely, wouldn't it? I wonder who I could pick. Oh maybe Carter would be up for it, or Mark, or Luka, or -'

Carol stopped mid rant and forced herself not to spit out that last name. She had no idea where it had come from. Her inability to explain her unexpected thought of him earlier returned. Why was he suddenly in her head, after all these years?

John didn't miss her sudden break in words and he looked up, now angry, for he knew whose name had almost escaped her lips.

'Or _him_? You've always loved him more, haven't you? I was just second best after he split! Maybe that's what drove me away, did you ever think of that? Knowing that you wished I was someone else!' John shouted. Carol clenched her jaw. Did he really think that?

'You know that's not true and you know he only left after I chose you' she said, quietly, staring her husband in the eye.

John shook his head, disbelievingly. 'It was always him. I'm just second best' he spat at his wife.

'Hold on now, how did this become about me? You are the one that was just caught with a med-student hanging off you! Which could get you fired, might I add!' Carol snapped.

'Going to report me?' John asked, sarcasm hanging on his every word.

'Maybe I should' she replied, walking away from him again and towards the stairs.

'Where are you going?' he asked, following behind her again.

'I'm going to pack some stuff for me and Zach, we're staying at Mark's tonight' she replied, not stopping.

'Maybe I was wrong, maybe it's Mark you want!' John shouted at her, jealously filling every part of him, though in the back of his mind, he knew he had little right to feel that way.

Carol stopped and turned. 'Well he's the one that's been there for me. He helped me through a lot when you were "working" so hard. He supported me in opening my clinic when you said it was just a silly dream. He's been there, John, and you haven't. He even knows Zach better than you do!' Carol shouted.

Something snapped inside of John Tagilieri. Carol and Zachary were his world. And okay, so his insecurities that Carol would someday run off to find _him_ had spurred him into his various affairs with nurses, med-students and doctors alike, but that didn't mean that he didn't worship the ground Carol walked on or adore every single inch of his beautiful little boy. And hearing that Mark Greene meant more to both wife and son made his blood boil. He didn't mean to, he didn't even want to, but something snapped and suddenly, Carol was on the floor, blood oozing from a cut on her cheek and John's clenched fist still held in the air where, seconds before, it had made contact with his wife's face.

_**D&C**_

Mark looked at his watch. It was past midnight and he had not heard from Carol since she had left his flat. Both kids were fast asleep, Rachel on a camp bed she usually used when she stayed over in her dad's one-bedroom apartment, and Zach on the pull out sofa in the living room. Mark sat at the window, watching and waiting for Carol's return.

He hated that something so horrible was happening to someone he cared about. Carol had helped him through so much. His divorce from Jen and the aftermath of Susan's departure for Phoenix. His thoughts lingered on Susan.

A year had passed since he had declared his true feelings for his best friend and colleague. A year of trading overly friendly emails, pretending he didn't feel the way he did. Even now, he couldn't quite dispel his deep love for the beautiful blonde, even though he knew she was dating someone else. Not that he had dated since she had left. There had been a few, some regrettable, others not. Cynthia, of course, had been the most serious. Well, for her it had been serious, and if Mark hadn't of been in love with someone else, maybe things would have worked out better for them. But he knew where his heart truly lay and it was impossible to forget that. To forget her. The last words he had heard she speak echoed in his ears as if someone had just screamed them.

_I love you_.

Comfort and resentment came with those three words though. Comfort because at least he knew it wasn't one sided, that she had feelings for him too, that he had not made a total fool of himself on that platform at Union Station. Resentment because she had left anyway. She had left. And the one question that he had asked himself over and over again came to mind again.

_Why?_

But before he could dwell too long on that agonising question, Mark spotted Carol approaching his building, two bags hanging off her shoulders, he head bent against the strong November wind. He rushed downstairs to open the door for her.

_**D&C**_

Drying her hands with a towel, Susan turned away from the sink and looked over to where her four year old niece lay asleep on the couch. Chloe and Joe had gone out with some friends that Joe worked with so Susan was left to mind Susie. Not that she minded in the least. She loved Susie so much and cherished every moment she spent with her. She also spoiled her and had given up when Susie protested going to bed, choosing to let the youngster watch more TV. It was now gone ten at might, so Susan decided it was time to move the sleeping child to her bed.

Once Susie was tucked up in bed, Susan returned to the living room and switched the TV station over to watch her favourite medical drama. So much for leaving work behind at the end of the day. Before long, she was thorough engrossed. A young girl whose father worked at the hospital had just been brought in after being involved in an MVA. Susan was so into it that she barely heard the beep that signalled the arrival of an email on her computer.

Pulling herself away, she was pleased to see Doug's reply to her earlier email. She was so excited about seeing Doug. She hadn't seen him in four years, since Carol and Tag's wedding, when he had disappeared without any notice. Mark had received an email from him after several days to say he was in DC and he had never returned to Chicago. Susan had given him such a hard time over that, running away. But then, didn't she do the exact same thing last year. She had run away, just as the words she had been dying to hear came out her best friend's mouth.

She asked herself daily why she had done that, why she hadn't got off that train and left the station, finally hand in hand with the man she truly loved. She knew the answer, she was just ashamed to admit it. Part of it was because of Susie, she just couldn't bear to be away from that little girl who had come to mean so much. But the other part, the part she was ashamed of...It was fear. She was afraid that it would end in heartbreak and she didn't want to destroy her friendship with him. It meant too much to her. It had taken months for the ache in her heart to even begin to fade and it was by no means gone, she just had a better handle on it now.

Thinking of Mark and Doug, Susan started to wonder about her other friends back at County. She missed Carol the most, after Mark of course. She missed their girly chats and nights out. She missed everyone: Carter, Peter, Haleh, Chuny, sometimes even Kerry. She didn't miss the weather though. Here is was, November, and it was 20 degrees Celsius. Back in Chicago, it was probably something like six or seven at best.

Susan smiled to herself. Doug would be there in two days and even if he wasn't Mark, he was still a good friend that she missed terribly and couldn't wait to spend some time with.

_**D&C**_

Doug lay awake in his bed. It was only just after one in the morning and he knew he had to get up for work in just four short hours, but he just could not sleep. Different scenarios were bouncing around in his mind.

He would casually drop _her_ name into conversation and Susan's face would light up and she'd tell him that _she _asked about him all the time.

Or even better, that _she_ had left her husband.

Or the best, that _she_ just so happened to be visiting too.

Or it could go the other way. Susan could tell him that _she_'s never been happier, that _she_ never asks about him, or worse, that _she_ still hates him.

All these thoughts led him to debate whether or not he should ask Susan about her at all.

All this kept him from falling asleep. He had woken that morning with happy memories but now, all he could think about were the bad times. Like when, five years ago, her limp form was rolled into the ER after taking an overdose. Or when, after she'd recovered from said overdosed and he'd visited her only to find him there with her. Or when he'd turned up at the engagement party and begged for another chance and he'd been punch by that loser she was marrying.

_Has married_ Doug corrected himself, mentally. _She's married! There's no point worrying about all this or even thinking about her. She's happily married with a kid to boot. She probably hasn't thought about me in year. I just have to pull myself together and move on._

Doug thought about his relationship with Vanessa. She was married too, not happily, but still married so he knew there was no future for them, even though that was what he had first liked about her, no commitment.

He thought about Alicia. She was nice. She was pretty, successful, rich, independent...single. But she had a kid. There was the catch. Could Doug take on someone else's child? Eden was a great kid and all, but could he give that much commitment?

But he had to move on, he couldn't dwell on _her_ forever.

Sitting up in bed, disregarding the time, Doug picked up the phone and dialled. After only two rings, someone answered.

'Hello?' Alicia said into the phone.

'Hi Alicia, it's Doug. I hope I didn't wake you or Eden' Doug replied, in his most sincere voice.

'Oh Doug, hi! No, of course you didn't. I'm still up doing these stupid accounts for tomorrow. I've a meeting with some clients. What's up?' Alicia asked. It couldn't be clearer that she was delighted Doug had called.

'Well, I'm leaving for Phoenix that day after tomorrow so I was wondering if I could see you before I go?' Doug asked, sweetly. He could almost hear Alicia blush.

'I'd love to Doug but I've meetings in the morning and I've to pick Eden up after school because my nanny is sick with the flu' Alicia explained, apologetically.

Doug knew how to swing this. Every single mother liked when a potential boyfriend showed interest in their child. 'We could meet up after you collect Eden? We could all go ice skating or something. Eden like's ice skating, right?' he asked, innocently.

'Oh Doug, that would be wonderful. I'm sure Eden would love that. I'll give you a call after I pick her up then?' Alicia replied.

'Excellent. I'll see you both tomorrow then. Good night' he told her.

'Good night' Alicia gushed and hung up the phone.

Doug smiled and lay back down on the bed. See, he could move on too. Of course he could.

* * *

_**AN:** So what did you guys think? Please review :)_

_Hopfully, I'll get to write something during the week and maybe get another chapter up next weekend. No promises though :)_

_Thanks for reading,_  
_'Til next time,_  
_Katelyn x_


	5. Chapter 5

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Five**

'Carol...oh, god...Carol, I'm so sorry' John stammered, crouching beside his fallen wife.

Carol scrambled away from him, her eyes wide with fear and anger. John's shaking hand reached out towards her but she smacked it away and rushed to her feet. Her cheekbone hurt like hell and when she raised a hand to touch it, she felt the hot, wet, stickiness that could only be blood. John staggered back to his feet too and gazed beseechingly at her.

'Carol, I'm so sorry' he replied, stepping forward again.

Panic overrode her anger as he drew nearer and she quickly sidestepped him and made a run for her room.

'CAROL!' John roared after her and she heard his footsteps following her. Just as she managed to slam and lock the bedroom door, John threw his whole weight into it and a loud gasp escaped Carol's lips.

Half an hour later, John's pounding against the door ceased and Carol looked up from her placed on the ground. Tears mixed with blood stained her cheeks and dripped onto her t-shirt but she didn't care.

_Did that just happen?_ she asked herself.

_Yes, it did_ a small voice answered and it bewildered her whose voice she was actually hearing, who exactly was telling her that, yes, her husband, the man she loved, the father of her child, had hit her. She raised a hand to touch her cheekbone again and the pain seared. She might only be a nurse, but Carol was sure it was fractured.

She was not this person. She tended to victims of domestic violence almost on a daily basis. Women that swore they had tripped and fallen when it was written all over their faces that it was their boyfriends or husbands that were responsible. Carol never thought that she would someday become part of that. She never imagined that John, sweet, quite John would ever be classed as a wife beater. But one thing was for sure, Carol was not taking this lying down like the many others she had tended to. She would not plead his innocence and return for round two. She was angry that John would jeopardise their marriage for a fling with a med-student but she was livid that he would actually raise a hand to her. She would not stick around for this to be repeated, possibly in front of her son.

Thoughts of Zach pushed Carol to her feet. She entered the en suite bathroom and grimaced at her reflection. Taking a cloth, she turned on the cold tap and soaked it, then dabbed gently at her cheek until all traces of the blood had gone. Returning to the bedroom, she grabbed a large hold-all from under the bed and turned to her closet. Grabbing whatever came to hand, she almost filled the bag then turned towards the door. She eased it open and glimpsed the top of John's head over the couch. She took a deep breath and left the safety of her bedroom and walked quickly to the stairs. She was halfway up by the time John realised she had left the room and before he had risen from the couch, Carol had already shut herself into Zach's bedroom. Repeating her actions from her own room, Carol grabbed whatever clothes came to hand and stuffed them into the bag too. She was halfway back down the stairs before John rose from the couch again.

'Carol, please, talk to me. I'm sorry about what I did. I really didn't mean it. Please, it will never happen again' he begged.

Carol ripped open the front door and then glanced back at her husband. She forced as much callousness and hatred into her expression as she possibly could.

'Goodbye, John' she said, then slammed the door and practically ran up the street, afraid he would come after her.

_**D&C**_

Doug woke suddenly from a vivid dream. He had been running through the familiar corridors of County, searching, searching desperately, but he could not find what he was looking for.

Now, he lay awake, listening to the wind howling and the rain lashing off the windows. He had broken out in a cold sweat and suddenly felt very jumpy. His mind wandered back over the details of the dream that was now quickly fading from his memory. What exactly had he been searching for? No answer came to him as he lay quietly in the darkness.

Finally deciding that now he was awake he might as well try to finish off his preparations for his trip, Doug swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stumbled towards the door. Once in the living room, he turned on his computer and got to work, making himself some coffee when his eyes started to droop once more. He looked at his watch and was shocked to realise it was already passed three in the morning. He would need to get some sleep if he was going to keep up with Eden that afternoon.

Doug smiled, thinking of the five year old. She was finally back to her hyper self after her near brush with death. When Eden was just three years old, Doug himself had diagnosed B Cell Lymphoma. For the following year, the toddler was put through things some adults never even had to think about. But after a gruelling thirteen months for both Eden and Alicia and even Doug, Eden went into remission. Slowly, the too-active, hyper child returned. It had been that night, as Alicia and Doug celebrated Eden's good news, that Doug had embarked on his relationship with Alicia. Not that he ever considered it a relationship before, but as he sat there at his desk, thinking of the brave little girl and her mother, Doug realised what he should have realised before. His feeling for Alicia had deepened over the months and only now, now that Doug was making himself move on, did he see it. He could make a good life for himself with Alicia and Eden.

But then it suddenly came to him what he had being so desperately searching for in his dream. He had been searching for _her_. Was he forgetting her so easily that his subconscious had to remind him, or was this a way of telling himself he wasn't yet ready, that he still couldn't let her go. Suddenly angry with himself, Doug switched of the computer and headed back to bed, stopping off in the kitchen for a beer first.

_**D&C**_

'Hey, I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost or something' Mark called from the door as Carol approached, a bag over her shoulder. Carol didn't respond.

Mark waited for her to arrive next to him before saying 'How did it go?'.

Carol had her head bent, curls falling over her face. Again she didn't answer. Beginning to worry, again, Mark was about to speak again when Carol raised her head.

Mark gasped aloud and his foot slipped on the icy front steps. Once back, steadily, on both feet, Mark pulled Carol into a hug as she let out a heart breaking sob. He helped her back up the stairs to his flat and lowered her gently onto the couch, then scooped Zach up and moved him onto the camp bed in his room with Rach. Then he ran for the first-aid box that he kept in the kitchen. Carol's face was red and puffed and her eyes were glazed over as Mark cleaned her wound and put a steri-strip across the cut. Once he was finished, he tidied away the medical supplies and then looked back at his best friend.

'Thanks' she sniffled.

'I should have gone with you' he reprimanded himself.

Carol shook her head. 'No, it's okay. Someone had to look after Zach' she replied.

Mark sighed. 'Well, I'm going to knock on my neighbours door and see if she will watch Zach and Rach while we go to the hospital, okay' he said, laying a hand gently on her shoulder.

'No! I mean, we don't have to go to the hospital' Carol told him, her eyes wide with fear that her colleagues would find out what a mess she'd gotten herself into.

Mark sighed heavily. 'Carol, we need to get an x-ray of your cheekbone' he told her.

'You're a doctor, Mark. Surely you can tell if it's broken or not and even if it is, there's nothing we can do' she tried to talk her way out of going to the hospital.

'Carol, you know as well as I do that you need an x-ray and proper sutures' Mark replied. Carol slumped back against the couch, she couldn't find anything else to say.

'I promise no one will even know you're there, okay?' he said, trying to reassure her.

Eventually, Carol nodded and Mark stood.

* * *

When they arrived at the ER, Carol kept her head down.

'Hey, Dr Greene, Carol. What are you guys doing here?' Jerry asked as they came through the door.

'Just need to take care of some things, Jer' Mark called back, steering Carol towards the deserted Exam Room 3.

'Okay, I'll go see how soon we can get you into x-ray and then I'll stitch you up and we'll be home before you know it' Mark said. Carol nodded. Mark left the room.

Not even ten seconds after the door had swung shut, it opened again and Dr Weaver entered. 'Oh, Carol, I didn't know anyone was-'

Carol had not looked down quickly enough and Dr Weaver had gotten a good look at her cut and bruised face.

'Carol! What happened?' the doctor gasped, moving forward. The sympathy that leaked out from Weaver's every word reduced Carol to tears once more. Weaver sat down and wrapped her arms around the troubled nurse.

'I can't believe he'd do that. I can't he'd hit me' Carol sobbed, and although she offered Weaver no further explanation, the doctor didn't ask, seeming to come to her own, and quite correct, conclusion.

'What do I do, Kerry?' Carol asked, pleaded. She needed to be told what she should do next. And, for some reason unknown to her, Carol found it easier to talk to Weaver.

'You can't go back there, Carol' Kerry whispered. Carol nodded, defeated. She had wanted to give it a got shot at saving her marriage but she knew after what had just happened, there was no way back for her and John.

'You need to get away. You need some time to think. Is there someone you could go and visit, get away for a while?' Kerry asked.

Immediately, one man's face floated through Carol's mind but she knew she couldn't go there, it would be absurd for her to show up on his doorstep. Actually, she didn't even know where his doorstep was. But Kerry was right. She needed to get away and Mark's just wasn't far enough. She nodded into the doctor's chest.

Just then, Mark re-entered the room. He locked eyes with Kerry and was surprised at how much compassion and sympathy he saw within the emerald green depths. She smiled ever so slightly at her colleague and Mark nodded, thanking her for looking after Carol.

'X-ray is ready' he told the still sobbing nurse. Carol nodded and stood up and Kerry's arms fell back to her sides. Carol moved towards the door but at the last minute, she looked back at her boss.

'Thanks, Kerry' she sniffled. Kerry smiled slightly again and nodded.

Carol and Mark left the room and Kerry was left to her own, horrific thoughts of what had happened to her friend, for yes, she did consider Carol a friend, even if Carol didn't know it.

* * *

_**AN: **Okay, so what did you think. It was a little rushed I know, but I'm eager to get to the good stuff :)_

_This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful, amazing, precious little boy Noah, who is officially **FOUR YEARS OLD **today! October 19, 2006, one of the two most amazing days of my life :)_  
_Happy Birthday, baby! XXXX Love, mommy and Rory :)_

_If you review, I will consider it a birthday present to my wonderful son :D And how could you deny a four year old a present, eh? Lol!_

_Katelyn x_


	6. Chapter 6

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Six**

Delightful squeals of children, warning shouts from parents and loud laughter filled Doug's ears as he sat on a bench in Rock Creek Park, waiting for Alicia and Eden. The sun was giving its best efforts but had still to penetrate the clouds and had yet to melt the layer of frost that clung to the grass and trees. Doug's breath misted as he exhaled, taking in the beauty of the day and anticipating his afternoon with Alicia. He had never done this, never put in such a whole hearted effort to move on and he was surprised to find out that he was not regretting this idea.

'Dr Ross! Dr Ross!' came an excited shout and Doug looked around to see the bundle of energy that was Eden sprinting towards him. He stood and swooped the five year old into his arms and she hugged him tightly.

'Are we going skating, Dr Ross?' Eden asked. Doug laughed and nodded. Eden cheered.

'Are you any good, Dr Ross, because my mommy isn't. I'm okay, I guess but I need someone to hold my hand and then I can go really, really fast. But last time I fell and mommy had to bring me to see the doctor, it wasn't you though' Eden rambled, making Doug smile as her mother stopped beside them.

'Hi' Alicia said, smiling. Doug set Eden back on her feet and embraced Alicia, pecking her cheek. She blushed slightly. Eden grinned.

'I'm not very good at this' Alicia said, nodding towards the ice rink.

'I'll help you' Doug offered, winking. Alicia smiled in a pleased sort of way and nodded.

'Let's go!' Eden said, impatiently.

'You're the boss' Doug said, raising his hand to his forehead in a kind of salute. Eden giggled and Alicia smiled.

'Okay, let's go get your skates, baby' Alicia said to her daughter. Doug followed them, still smiling.

_**D&C**_

Carol slept most of the morning and early afternoon. Mark knew she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally and she needed her rest. He had gallantly offered her his bed for the night and he had slept on the couch and now that both Rachel and Zach were awake, he had so far kept them both away from the bedroom, giving Carol her much need sleep.

It was just after lunch, Rachel and Zach were watching cartoons in the living room as Mark cleaned the kitchen. The bedroom door opened and Carol stepped out. She wore only a large night shirt and socks and she walked on tip toe as she approached Mark.

'Morning' she said, quietly.

'Afternoon' Mark corrected, smiling down at her. She nodded and rubbed her eyes.

'Don't you have work?' she asked, while she glanced around the door frame, into the sitting room where Zach and Rachel sat.

'I called in and said I wouldn't be in and that you wouldn't either' he replied.

Carol's eyes widened. What would Randi, or whoever had taken the call, thought went Mark had rung in for both of them? She didn't care what they thought as long as it wasn't the truth. She would rather spark the speculation than have her co-workers find out what exactly had happened.

Mark saw her expression and smiling slightly. 'Don't worry, I spoke to Kerry directly' he said and watched as Carol relaxed. She nodded, breathing deeply.

'Has Zach been asking any questions?' she asked, knowing the toddler would not miss the sudden change in his usually strict schedule.

Mark shook his head. 'No, he just asked why you were sleeping for so long. He's been pretty content to sit with Rachel all morning' he told her.

'How come Rachel isn't in school?' Carol asked, glancing in at the two kids again.

Mark smiled. 'Everyone else is getting a day off, why not her?'.

Carol smiling too and then went into the living room.

'Hey, baby, you okay?' Carol asked, ruffling Zach's curls from behind and then planting a kiss on his head.

'Yep. We're watching Sponge Bob' was all he said, not even looking up at his mother, for which Carol was glad. She didn't want him asking questions about her bruised face. So she kissed his head again and then returned to the kitchen.

'Here, I kept you some' Mark said, handing her a plate of food.

'Macaroni and cheese, original' she said, smiling.

Mark smiled too. 'It's what the kids wanted' he said, defensively.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and they both turned to stare at it, neither moving.

'Dad, someone's at the door!' Rachel called, for she sure wasn't leaving the couch to answer it.

Mark looked at Carol and saw she was fearful of who was standing on the other side of the door. And a second later, her fears were confirmed.

'Greene! It's Tag! I wanna talk to you!' John shouted through the door. Zach's head swivelled towards the door and his eye's brightened in excitement. He got up and ran for the door but Carol got there first and pulled him away. When he looked up at her questioningly, she held a finger to her lips, picked him up and hurried towards the bedroom.

As she passed Mark, he nodded, silently telling her he would handle this. She smiled quickly in thanks and shut the door.

'What's going on, mommy?' Zach asked, gazing at her with an odd expression. Again, she held her finger to her lips and then pressed an ear to the door.

Mark crossed the floor and peeked though the peep-hole in the door. Tag was standing outside, waiting, looking angry.

'What do you want, Tag?' Mark called through the door.

'I want to see my wife and son. Now let me in!' Tag shouted, banging his fist against the door in anger. Rachel looked around, her eyebrows together.

'They're not here' Mark replied, shaking his head at Rachel went she looked like she was about the contradict him.

'If they're not here, then why won't you let me in?' Tag asked loudly.

'Because you're angry and I have my daughter in here' Mark replied.

Tag was silent for several seconds. 'So she told you' he said eventually.

'Yes, now I'd like you to leave or I'm calling the police' Mark threatened.

Another silence followed this and then... Tag launched himself at the door. It shook menacingly but stayed closed. Rachel ran to her dad and wrapped her arms around his waist, afraid. Again and again came the slams of Tag's body against the wood and Mark backed away from the door, dragging Rachel with him. After a few minutes, silence fell. Mark waited a further few minutes before detaching himself from Rachel and moving towards the door again. He didn't see Tag through the peep-hole, so he cracked open the door and looked out into the hallway. It was empty. Mark exhaled, not realising he had been holding his breath and closed the door again.

'He's gone' he called and after a few seconds, the bedroom door opened and Carol came out with Zach in her arms.

'What's going on?' Rachel asked, looking between Mark and Carol.

'Carol and Tag just had an argument' Mark said, watching Carol and she placed Zach back on the couch.

'What happened to your face?' Rachel asked Carol as she came back to Mark's side.

'Rachel, stop asking questions. Go and sit with Zach' Mark ordered and the girl left, looking confused.

'I have to go' Carol whispered to Mark, once both kids were glued to the TV again.

'Where?' Mark asked her, pulling her close and hugging her.

'I have no idea' Carol whispered, closing her eyes and trying to think of someone who had made her feel safe. She only came up with the one person she had the night before when Kerry had asked but she knew that it was a stupid idea. But an unexplainable longing had been struck inside her and she couldn't help but wonder if _he_ was the answer to all her troubles.

_**D&C**_

Alicia led the way to Eden's bedroom, Doug following with the sleeping child in his arms. It had been a long yet enjoyable day for all three of them. They spent almost two hours on the ice rink, Eden proving to be a better skater than both adults. They went from there to the zoo, where Eden had awed over the lions and zebras and other animals she had seen in The Lion King movie. After the zoo, they went to get something to eat and then Eden had insisted on going to the carnival, where Doug had spent a great deal of time and money trying to win her a teddy bear. She had finally fallen asleep on Doug's shoulder as they walked back to the car.

Doug closed the door gently behind him as he left Eden's bedroom. Alicia smiled in thanks.

'I think you could do with a beer. Eden sure wore you out, huh?' she said, leading the way back downstairs.

'You could say that' Doug replied, laughing.

They entered the kitchen and Alicia took two bottles of beer from the fridge, handing one to him.

It was silent while they both drank but even when they set down the bottles, neither spoke. They weren't used to this. Usually, Doug called over when Eden was already in bed and they wasted no time heading to Alicia's. But today had been so different. Doug had not even held her hand, or hardly touched her at all, in fact. But they had both enjoyed the day, leaving Doug satisfied that he had made a good choice in calling her the night before and leaving Alicia confident that this could turn into more than the fling they had both participated in for several months. For once, neither wanted this to end up how it usually did.

'What time is your flight tomorrow?' Alicia asked eventually.

'Seven-thirty' Doug replied. He raised the bottle to his lips again while he thought of something to say. He wanted to tell Alicia how much he had enjoyed their afternoon together, without it sounding like he was after something. But then Alicia spoke again.

'Today was...different. I really enjoyed it and I'm glad you suggested it.'

Doug nodded. 'Yeah, it was different alright. But, I enjoyed it too. Eden's really something.'

Alicia smiled and nodded. It couldn't have been clearer than she adored her daughter and Doug admired that about her.

'Maybe we could do it again, after you get back from Phoenix?' Alicia suggested.

Doug nodded. 'I'd like that' he said. It was also clear to him that Alicia really appreciated the effort he had put in to spend some time with both her and her daughter and he wanted to leave her with that impression. So he stood up. 'I better head home. I'm up early.'

Alicia smiled and nodded and followed him to the door.

'Thanks again, Doug' she said as he stepped outside. When Doug turned to reply, he was surprised to find her so close to him. He smiled and so did she, leaning in to press her lips to his. Doug rested a hand on her hip and pulled her closer. Her hand snaked around his neck and held him to her.

After a minute, he pulled away and smiled. 'I'll call you when I get back' he promised.

She smiled, too, kissed him lightly again and then stepped back inside. 'You better.'

Doug smiled again and then headed back down the drive to his car. He thought about Alicia all the way home, lingering on the kiss as he realised that it had felt different from the others they had shared. He started imagining what they could do when he got back from Phoenix, and Eden was present in all his ideas.

Only when he was getting out of his car in his own driveway, did _she_ come to mind and Doug smiled when he realised it was the first time since he had spotted Eden and Alicia approaching him the park, hours beforehand. Maybe, just maybe, he was finally moving on.

* * *

_**AN:** The park that Doug, Alicia and Eden went to, Rock Creek, is a park in DC but I haven't a clue whether it actually has an ice rink. But for the purpose of this story let's say it does :) Sorry, I've never been to DC, or anywhere else in America, lol. _

_So, the usual, what did you think, yada yada yada?... Review and let me know :)_

_Katelyn_


	7. Chapter 7

**Where We Are **

**Chapter Seven**

'Carol' came a whisper at the bedroom door and Carol woke with a start.

It was still dark beyond the curtained windows and Carol struggled to see who was waking her. A glance at the clock on the nightstand told her it was almost five thirty in the morning.

'Mark?' she mumbled back, still unable to see anything more than a dark figure standing in the door way.

'Yeah, listen I have to go to work. I'm dropping Rachel off at school too so you'll have the place to yourself, okay. I left a key on the table if you want to go out' Mark whispered back.

'Okay, thanks Mark. See you later' Carol said, rolling over again as Mark backed out of the room and closed the door. A few minutes later, she heard the front door close too.

Zach was still asleep beside her and she ran her fingers through his curls and smiled as he exhaled deeply.

As the darkness outside finally gave way to the steely greyness of the cold November morning, Carol lay beside her son and thought over the last few days. Was it really only a week ago that she thought her life was perfect? What was going to happen next?

_**D&C**_

It was six thirty in the morning when Doug sat down in the departure area, his thoughts still on his afternoon with Alicia and Eden. Funny how he thought on them as a package deal now when only last week, Alicia was the only one he thought about, and for different reasons than now. He hadn't even spoken to Vanessa since she had left his house a few nights ago and he didn't want to either. He wished he didn't have to go to Phoenix.

He was looking forward to seeing Susan again, catching up on all he had missed at County, but the need to know how _she_ was had lessened.

And, okay, maybe he was naive to think that he could suddenly forget her, get over her, after four years of struggling to do just that, four years of seeing her face in his dreams but things did seem different now.

Dwelling on his thoughts, Doug barely heard his flight being called and by the time he got up and joined the queue, most of the passengers had already boarded. The flight attendant took his ticket and wished him a safe journey and Doug boarded the plant to Phoenix.

_**D&C**_

It was a slow day at County General Hospital. Malik and Carter were playing catch with a football in the corridor outside the trauma rooms, Haleh, Lily and Chuny sat at the Nurses Station, filling in some charts. Peter Benton sat at the admit desk, going over details of a surgery he would be assisting Dr Anspaugh on later. Mark sat across from Peter, staring into space and thinking about Carol and her situation. She had barely spoken the day before, after Tag's visit and Mark found himself becoming increasingly angry with the Psychologist.

'Mark, can we talk?' someone said and Mark turned to find Kerry Weaver behind him.

Mark sighed, removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes and replaced the glasses before answering, 'Sure, Kerry. What's up?'

Weaver glanced at Peter, the closest person to them, to make sure he wasn't listening before continuing. 'I'm worried, Mark.'

Mark didn't need to ask what she was talking about. 'There's no need to be, Kerry. Carol's fine' he told the Acting Chief, before standing up and starting to walk away.

'Mark' Weaver said and the compassion in her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to fine the small doctor gazing at him with an expression he rarely saw her wear. He sighed.

'I promise, Kerry, everything's fine. Carol's going to stay at mine for a while before deciding what to do next' he confided to her.

'But what can she do?' Weaver asked, shrugging her shoulders as if to say, _There's nothing she can do._

Mark rubbed a hand over his almost bald head before saying, 'I don't know,' and walking away.

_**D&C**_

'Susan, can you pick Little Susie up from school today?' Chloe Lewis asked her younger sister, barging through the front door with the four year old in question behind her.

'I can't today, Chloe. I've a mountain of work to do and an old friend from Chicago is arriving today' Susan replied, while searching the living room for her keys.

'Looking for these?' Susie asked, picking up the keys from the table beside her.

'Yes! Thanks Little Susie' Susan exclaimed, taking her keys from the young girl and planting a kiss on the crown of her head. Susie giggled.

'Okay, Joe will just have to get out of work early then. Which friend?' Chloe asked as all three Lewis woman left the house.

Susan hopped into her car before rolling down the window to answer her sister. 'Doug Ross.'

_**D&C**_

It was almost eleven o'clock now and Carol was sitting watching cartoons with Zach. The phone rang and she leaned across the couch to answer it.

'Hello?'

'Carol?' John croaked out and Carol gasped.

'What do you want?' she asked, moving away from Zach and over to the door where she snapped the lock into place.

'Just to talk. Carol, I'm so sorry-'

'I don't want to hear it, John' Carol cut across him.

Zach looked around upon hearing his father's name, so Carol moved into the bedroom.

'Maybe I could call around and we could talk' John insisted.

'NO! Don't you dare come here! I mean it John, you call around here again and I'll call the police' Carol almost shouted down the phone.

'So you were there yesterday when I called?' he asked.

'Where else could I have been since I'm afraid to go back to my own house!' Carol snapped.

'You have no reason to be afraid of me, Carol. Please come home. I'll come and get you right now if you want me to' John begged.

'No, I don't want you to come and get me! I don't want you anywhere near me!' Carol shouted.

Silence followed this outburst and Carol waited, worried that she had sparked his anger again.

'I'm coming over' John said eventually and before Carol could answer, he had hung up.

_**D&C**_

'Carol!' Mark called as he came through the door. It was only a little after one in the afternoon, but Mark figured he'd come back home to check how Carol was.

'Carol!' he called again, when he didn't get an answer the first time. The TV was off and there was no other sound from anywhere in the flat. Thinking she might be asleep, Mark headed towards the bedroom but found it empty. Wondering if she had gone out, Mark retreated to the living room, where he just happened to spot a piece of paper on the table. He picked it up.

_Mark,_

_John rang and threatened to come over. I can't deal with seeing him right now so I'm going to head off for a while. I'm not sure exactly where I'm going but I just need some time to myself, to sort myself out. I'm sorry I didn't wait for you to come home, but I wanted to get out before John came calling again. I'll call you when I get to where ever I'm going, okay. And don't worry, okay, I'll be fine. _

_Thanks for everything,  
Carol_

Mark sighed heavily and crunched the note in his fist.

_**D&C**_

Carol sat in Midway airport, staring at the departures board and all the different destinations wondering where she would go. Zach sat on the ground at her feet, happily playing with a toy. She ran her fingers through his curls as she though. _Where will I go?_

New York? Boston? Atlanta? Nashville? Seattle? San Francisco? DC?

Her heart stopped beating when she spotted Washington DC on the board. Images and memories flooded her mind. Was this her subconscious telling her that she had indeed made the wrong decision all those years ago, that she had picked the wrong man? Should she go see him now?

_No_, she told herself, _that wouldn't help anyone_. But where then? Why was it so hard just to pick a random place, somewhere where she could hide from John and to sort herself out? All she needed was for one place to stick out from the rest, somewhere where she could lie low for a while, and try to put the pieces of her life back together. For she knew she was going to come through this, it wouldn't defeat her, she would come out on top once all this had blown over. Just like a phoenix rising from the ashes, one day it would be as if none of this had happened.

And then she saw it. That one destination where she knew everything would be okay, everything would work out.

'Come on, Zach' she called, jumping out of her seat. There was a plane leaving in thirty minutes and they were going to be on it.

* * *

_**AN:** Feeling super productive right now, two chapters in three days :) That's what happens when mid-term comes around!_

_Hopefully I'll get a chapter for Secrets out soon, too. _

_So, anyone know where Carol is headed? Yeah I know it's totally obvious and all but hey, you never know, right? _

_Hope you liked it,_  
_Katelyn x_


	8. Chapter 8

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Eight**

'DOUG!' someone shouted and Doug turned as he was about to enter Phoenix Heart hospital. Sprinting towards him, with a huge smile on her face, and her blonde hair bouncing along behind her, was none other than Susan Lewis.

Doug smiled, 'Fancy meeting you here?' he said with a chuckle as Susan hurdled herself into his arms, knocking the wind out of him in the process.

'Susan...I can't breathe!' Doug managed to get out and with a giggle, Susan released him.

For the longest time they stared at each other, both smiling like idiots, remembering good times.

To Doug, Susan had changed a lot. Her hair was that much blonder, no doubt from the intense Phoenix sun. Her skin was a warm, golden brown that seem to shimmer slightly. She was also slimmer and more toned and Doug could help but chuckle again as he took in her changed appeared.

'What?' Susan asked, smiling.

'Have you been working out?' Doug asked, playing squeezing her upper arm.

Susan smacked him away. 'Shut up!' she told him but laughed too.

Doug had changed too, not a lot, but Susan could see it. He was thinner than when she had last saw him, that twinkle in his eye was gone and his hairline had receded quite a bit, not to mention the splotches of grey it now held.

She smiled again. 'You've changed too, Doug' she said.

'Take that as a compliment!' Doug replied, laughing.

'Oh, don't' Susan warned and they both laughed again.

'Good morning, Dr Lewis' someone said from behind the duo and they both turned to find a tall, dark haired, very attractive man striding towards them.

'Morning, Scott. Oh, Scott, this is Dr Doug Ross, he's here for the Emergency Peds conference. Doug, this is Scott West, he's an attending in the ER here' Susan introduced. The men shook hands.

'So, where are you from?' Dr Scott West asked Doug.

Without thinking, Doug was about to say Chicago, but managed to stop himself and answer 'DC' with a smile at the stranger.

Scott West smiled and nodded and then turned back to Susan. 'So, are we still on for Friday night?' he asked.

Doug looked away to hide his smile, but Susan noticed anyway.

When Scott West left to enter the hospital, Doug laughed and Susan smacked him in the arm. 'Don't you dare' she warned, smiling.

'Now, come on, would I? What could a possibly say about my Susie going out a date' Doug teased and Susan hit him again.

They had started to walk towards the doors of the hospital again when Susan asked, 'So, what about you?'.

Doug looked over to her with a puzzled expression, unsure what she meant.

Susan laughed. 'Come on, Doug. There has to be someone! There's always someone!' she insisted.

Doug chuckled again but remained silent.

'Doug!' Susan exclaimed, frustrated, but just then, another doctor approached the pair.

'Dr Lewis, most of our visitors are here now, so maybe you could get started on a tour' he suggested, without looking at Doug.

Susan nodded. 'No, problem. I'll go meet them now. This is Dr Ross by the way, he's one of the doctors here for the conference. Doug, this is Dr Derek Willis, Chief of Emergency Medicine' Susan introduced again and Doug reached forward to shake the new doctor's hand. He smiled and welcomed Doug to Phoenix Heart, then made his excuses and left.

Susan led Doug away down a corridor. 'Let's get this over with so we can have some fun and catch up' she whispered before entering a room full of at least thirty other doctors.

_**D&C**_

'Mommy, what are we doing here?' Zach asked.

Carol turned and looked at her son, sitting on the large, king size bed. He was colouring in his colouring book and hadn't even looked up at Carol when he had spoken. Carol started to wonder if dragging him halfway across the country was a good thing. But, she was here now and there was nothing she could do about it. Plus, so far, the sudden upset in his life didn't seem to be affecting him.

'We're just here to see an old friend' Carol told the child and he nodded, without looking up. Carol half smiled and turned towards the window again. The city before her lightened her mood slightly. The blazing sun beat down from the cloudless sky, the difference from Chicago making the nurse smile. Then she took a deep breath and picked up the phone. _No time like the presen_t she said to herself before dialling and holding the phone to her ear.

_**D&C**_

The conference finished with, Susan and Doug sat in a nearby cafe having lunch.

'So, you going to tell me about this girl you have on the go?' Susan asked, between bites of her mushroom ravioli. Doug chuckled.

'Alright. Her name is Alicia James. She's an accountant' he finally confided.

Susan's eyes widened. She swallowed her food and said, 'Doesn't sound like the usual'.

Doug smiled. 'I suppose she's not. I've been treating her daughter for the last year or so' he told her.

'She has a kid?' Susan almost exclaimed. _Wow, he has changed_ she thought.

Doug nodded. 'Eden. She's five. I've been treating her for B Cell Lymphoma but she's in remission now' he explained.

Susan just stared at Doug. She has been so sure that he still hadn't moved on from Carol but she could tell from the way he talked about them, that he thought highly of both Alicia and her daughter. She smiled.

'So, this Scott guy?' Doug asked and Susan blushed slightly.

'We've been out a few times. It's nothing serious' she insisted.

Doug smiled. _Right_ he thought. He considered whether he should ask...Then decided that they were all friends and asking in a carefree sort of way would show much he was moving on.

'So, how is...she' he asked. He had fully intended to say her name but when it came to it, his heart jumped and a lump rose in his throat, so he settled on _she._

Susan sighed. She should have none this was coming.

'She's-' but just then her cell rang from her bag.

'Sorry, one second' she told Doug and pulled the ringing cell from her bag. She got up and walked a few feet away from the table and answered without looking at the caller ID.

'Hello?' she said.

Silence.

'Hello?' Susan repeated.

'Susan?' came a voice Susan had not heard in several months.

'Carol?' she gasped. _Wow, coincidence!_ she thought, glancing back to where Doug sat.

'Yeah, it's me. Are you working or anything?' Carol asked her old friend.

'No, I'm just having lunch. What's up?' Susan replied.

'I'm in Phoenix' Carol said and Susan almost dropped the phone in surprise.

'Are you serious?' Susan asked, starting to smile. Two friends in the same day!

'Yes. I was wondering if we could meet up...now?' Carol asked.

Susan's face feel. 'I'm actually just having lunch with-'

Carol cut her short, 'It's very important'.

Susan glanced back over to Doug and sighed. But she heard the desperation in her friend's voice and knew that it had to be important if Carol had just shown up in Phoenix out of the blue.

'Okay, where?' Susan asked.

'The Hyatt. Room 201' Carol told her.

The Hyatt was only three blocks away. 'Sure, I'll be there as soon as I can' Susan said and she heard Carol sigh with relief.

They hung up and Susan hurried back over to Doug. She thought about telling him who she had been talking to be decided against it considering his question before the phone had rang and Carol's tone of voice.

'I'm sorry, Doug, I've got to run. Little Susie's not well so I've to pick her up. I'll give you a ring later okay?' she explained while digging in her purse for money to pay for her lunch.

'I've got that Susan. And no problem. I'll speak to you later. Say hi to Little Susie for me' Doug replied.

Susan smiled in gratitude and dashed off and hailed a cab.

_**D&C**_

Carol paced the room, nervously. What would Susan make of recent events? What would she say about Carol's bruised face? Just then, three knocks on the door broke her chain of thought. Carol took a deep breath and smiled at Zach, who had fallen asleep on the bed. She crossed the room and pulled open the door. Susan Lewis stood there, smiling. Then she spotted the bruises.

'Carol! Oh, what happened?' she asked, entering the room and closing the door behind her. She pulled the nurse into a tight hug and for the first time in hours, Carol began to cry again. Susan released her and smiled at her sympathetically, wiping away her tears.

'What happened?' Susan asked again as they sat down, Susan on the edge of the bed and Carol in the chair, opposite.

'John' Carol whispered, wiping at fresh tears.

Susan gasped. 'Tag did this to you?' she asked and Carol simply nodded and went on to explain what exactly has happened in recent days.

'So, I just had to get away. I was sitting in the airport, wondering where the hell I could go and then I saw Phoenix and thought of you. I hope it's okay that I'm here' Carol finished, her eyes now dry.

'Carol, of course it's okay! I'm so glad you came here. But you are checking out of this hotel and staying with me' Susan replied, smiling.

Carol smiled too. 'I'd like that' she said.

The Carol suddenly thought about Doug for the first time since she had entered the hotel room. Things are about to get complicated she thought to herself.

'Carol, there's something you should know, though. When you rang me earlier, I was having lunch with Doug' Susan said quickly, as if by saying it faster it would have less of an impact. She knew she had been wrong though as she watched the colour drain from Carol's flushed cheeks and her mouth popped open.

'D..Doug...Ross?' Carol gasped, gripping the arms of the chair. Complete and utter shock rolled over her, wave after wave. How could this be? After all her thoughts about him over the last few days, how could he be here? Here, of all places? Carol didn't know whether it was fate or a horrible, horrible coincidence, but whichever it was, it had her frozen in place, afraid to even breathe.

* * *

_**AN:** Eleven days? Wow, didn't think it would take me that long! Lol. _

_I'm not overly happy with the ending of this chapter. It's okay up until Susan's lunch with Doug but that's when my electricity cut out due to the current storm raging outside my window, so I kind of rushed the end so I could post before my laptop battery went dead. Anyways, I hope you like it and I'd love to hear from you, as always :)_

_Thanks for reading :)_  
_Katelyn x_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Phew, finally got this chapter finished :) Hope you like it!**_

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Nine**

'You sure you'll be okay?' Susan asked, while holding out Zach's cold as he slipped his arms into it.

Carol was still in a state of shock, her face still as white as a ghost.

Slowly, the nurse nodded her head. 'I'll be fine. I just have a few calls to make and then I'll follow you' Carol said, finally standing up and running her fingers through Zach's brown curls, absentmindedly. Susan watched her friend closely, unsure. She hadn't expected Carol to be so shocked that Doug was here and had she known what the nurse's reaction would be, she never would have brought it up.

'Where are we going now?' Zach piped up, shaking his mother's hand from his hair. Carol was silence for a few minutes, before taking a deep breath and kneeling down to her son's level.

'Susan is going to take you to her house to play with Susie and I'm going to come over in a little while, okay?' Carol said quietly to the three year old. Zach sighed but nodded and slipped his hand into Susan's.

Susan smiled down at the little boy she had not seen in over a year. He had grown so much and his physical resemblance to Carol was becoming even more prominent. Upon waking, it had taken him a while to remember exactly who Susan was, but once he had, he moved off the bed and given her a big hug and asked where Little Susie was.

'Okay, so I'll see you in an hour or so?' Susan asked and Carol nodded. Susan laid a comforting hand on her friend's arm and smiled. Carol smiled back, reassuringly.

'Come on then kiddo, let's go see Susie' Susan said to Zach, who grinned up at her, enthusiastically.

'See you soon, baby' Carol told Zach, kissing the crown of his head.

Susan said goodbye to Carol and left the room with Zach in tow.

'Where's your house?' Zach asked as the stepped into an elevator.

'Not too far from here. Little Susie's going to really excited to see you' Susan told the toddler, who smiled.

The elevator doors opened and they both stepped out into the hotel lobby.

'Why isn't my mommy coming?' Zach asked Susan.

Susan smiled down at the youngster. Boy, was he an inquisitive little thing.

'Soon' she told him, ruffling his hair. He pulled his head away from her and laughed, then skipped happily along beside her as they exited the hotel.

_**D&C**_

Doug reached forward and handed the cab driver the money.

'Thanks' the driver said, while quickly counting the bills in his hand.

Doug smiled and made to get out of the cab when he spotted Susan. She was not alone, but it was not Little Susie who clung to her hand and skipped along beside her. It was a little boy, his brown curls bouncing as he skipped. He was no older than maybe three or four years old.

Doug wondered why Susan was here, with a little boy, rather than her niece, who she had said she had to pick up. Why would she lie to him?

He stepped out of the cab and was about to shout after her when he noticed something slipping out of the pocket of the boy's coat and fall to the ground. Then, the two disappeared into a waiting cab and it pulled away from the curb.

Doug approached the fallen object and picked it up. It was a hat. Inside, there was a label reading "Zachary T". Doug's curiosity mounted. He wondered why Susan would lie and who exactly Zachary T was.

'Do you want me to take that?' someone called out.

Doug turned to see a porter standing next to the door. He was pointing at the small hat in Doug's hand.

Doug considered this quickly. He could hand the hat over and forget about what he saw, or he could try to figure out what Susan was hiding from him. He decided on the latter.

'You know that little boy?' he asked, approaching the porter.

'Not exactly. I carried his and his mother's bag up to their room for them earlier. So I can drop off that hat for you if you'd like' he offered again.

Doug smiled his most convincing smile. 'No, that's okay. I'm here to see his mother, I'll bring it up' he told the porter.

'Sorry, could you tell me the room number, I seem to have forgot it' Doug lied easily as he made to walk away.

'201' the porter told him right away. Doug thanked him and entered the hotel.

He knew it was none of his business but his curiosity was getting the better of him. Anyway, he was bringing the kid's hat back so he could easily lie and tell who every his mother was that he had seen them earlier and just wanted to drop the hat back.

Emerging onto the second floor, instead of turning left to go to his own room, he turned right and went in search of Room 201. He found it at the end of the corridor and knocked.

_**D&C**_

Carol picked up her cell again and scrolled through her phonebook until she came to Mark Greene and pressed "Call". He answered after just two rings.

'Carol?' he asked.

'Yeah, hey Mark' Carol replied, kicking herself when she realised how much he must have been worrying about her.

'Where are you?' he asked.

'I'm in Phoenix' Carol told him and heard him exhale.

'You're with Susan?' he asked.

'Yeah, she just left with Zach, I'm going to stay in her place for a while. I'm sorry about rushing off like that' she apologised.

'Don't worry about it. As long as you and Zach are okay' he said.

'Yeah, we're fine. Maybe, if you could get a few days off, you could come out here. I'm sure Susan would like to see you' Carol suggested.

There was a pause and Carol bit her lip, wondering if she had put him in an awkward position, given the way things had been between him and Susan before she left.

'Sounds like a great idea, but I don't think I could get the time off' he said, eventually.

'Yeah, I understand' she said. Just then, she heard a knock on the door and turned to face it as if she would be able to see through it to however was standing outside.

'Listen, I have to go. I'll ring again soon, okay' she said.

'Okay, talk to you soon' Mark replied and they hung up. Carol threw her phone down on the bed and headed for the door.

_**D&C**_

Doug could hear someone speaking inside but could not make out what they were saying. Then, he heard footsteps coming towards the door and took a deep breath as the doorknob began to twist.

_**D&C**_

Carol reached for the doorknob, wondering who could be knocking on her door, when the only person she knew in this whole city had just left. She smiled, thinking maybe they had forgotten something. She pulled the door open.

_**D&C**_

They stared at each other in total silence. Shock hit both of them, crashed over them relentlessly. Carol stopped breathing where as Doug's breath quickened so that his chest heaved.

So many memories washed over Carol as her eyes drank in his face. Her heart hammered so hard in her chest, she swore it would practically burst open at any minute. This was all too much! _What was he doing here!_

Doug felt his eyes bulge as they swept over her every feature and then rested on the yellowing bruise on her face. He couldn't believe he was standing here, face to face with the woman who had blessed his dreams and cursed his nightmares for the last four years. _Zachary T...Zachary Tagilieri..._Doug's fist tightened over the little boy's hat as he took a step back from the door.

Then Carol slammed it shut in his face.

Carol slumped again the door, then slowly slipped to the ground. _He can't be here. This isn't real. How am I meant to cope with this_ she asked herself, gripping her hair with both hands and forcing herself not to start crying again.

Doug leaned again the wall opposite the door, his mind in overdrive. _How is she here? Of all places! Just when I was starting to move on! This can't be happening! _Then he remembered the bruise on her face and exhaled deeply. Moving forward he knocked on the door again.

'Carol...Could you open the door...please?' he said quietly. He waited, sure that she would not do as he asked.

Carol closed her eyes at the sound of his voice. She could feel the longing growing in her and couldn't believe she had gotten into this mess. Slowly, she got to her feet. She needed to face him because she knew he would not just go away. She opened the door again.

Relief swept over Doug as Carol opened the door again and forced a small smile.

'Doug' she said, quietly.

'Can I come in?' Doug asked, sure again that this request would be denied, but she shocked him again by standing aside.

Doug entered Carol's hotel room.

* * *

_**AN:** Yay, they finally meet again! :D I'm happy I finally got to this point and I'm really excited to get the next one written. _

_Please review and left me know what you thought about it, whether it's good or bad, I do really want to know :)_

_Hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter should probably be along in the next week, hopefully :)_

_'Til next time,_  
_Kate _

_ps. **The Harry Potter movie is finally out tomorrow! I'm SOOOOOO excited :D Let me know if you're excited too! :D**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**I swore I wasn't coming near FF until the weekend and I have an exam in just 7 hours. Yet here I am...Posting this as 2am. I must be crazy, haha. **_

_**It's been a while since I last updated and that was because this chapter was the hardest I've written so far for this story and also because I was busy finishing off my other story :) So, sit back, read and enjoy...and don't forget to review afterwards :)**_

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Ten**

'You two alright in here?' Susan asked, entering the sitting room to find Susie and Zach sitting on the floor in front of the TV, enthralled by an episode of Barney and Friends.

They both glanced around and bobbed their heads, before turning their attention back to the screen. Susan smiled, ruffled Zach's hair affectionately and went back to preparing dinner.

It had been over an hour since she had left The Hyatt and Carol still hadn't turned up. Susan would have been worried except she suspected that Carol just needed the time to herself. _I'll give her another hour and then call_ she told herself. But suddenly, the phone rang and broke through her thoughts. Susan sighed heavily and went to pick it up. Probably Chloe saying she needed Susan to keep Susie longer.

'So, what's the excuse this time?' Susan sighed as she answered the phone, pinned it between her head and her shoulder and went back to stirring the pasta that was bubbling away in the pot.

'Susan?' a quiet voice inquired.

Susan frowned. 'Who is this?' she asked, halting her stirring and taking the phone back into her hand.

There was a few seconds silence and then came the answer, 'It's Mark.'

Susan almost dropped the phone in surprise. Never, not once, had they phoned each other since Susan had left Chicago. They emailed...that was it. Anything more personal tended to leave one of the pair teary eyed and regretful.

'Oh...hey' Susan said eventually. She was rather lost for words. This was another reason they emailed, it wasn't as instant as a phone call. Sometimes, it took Susan almost an hour to write just a few lines, making sure it was word perfect, and that wouldn't hurt him at all.

Mark cleared his throat and Susan smiled at the familiar nervous sound. 'I was just wondering how Carol was. She sounded a bit off on the phone earlier.'

Of course, he was thinking about Carol. Susan, despite herself, felt rather disappointed.

'She's not here yet, actually. Zach is, but we left Carol back at the hotel. She should be here soon' Susan informed him.

'Oh...okay. Tell Zach I said hey' he said then, and Susan got the impression it was just so he had something to say.

'Do you wanna talk to him? I'm sure he'd love it' Susan suggested.

'Well...sure, okay' Mark replied.

'Zach! Come here! Someone wants to talk to you' Susan called out and a second later, the toddler darted into the room.

'Who is it?' he asked, reaching for the phone.

'Mark' Susan told him, giving him the phone and going back to the food.

'Hey Uncle Mark!' Zach exclaimed, grinning widely. Susan tried, but didn't hear Mark's reply.

'Yeah, it's cool. Mommy and me went to a big hotel and then Aunt Susan came to get me and brought me to play with Little Susie!' Zach told Mark.

Again, there was a pause as Mark replied to Zach's breakdown of his day.

'Why didn't you come with us?' Zach suddenly asked and Susan froze.

'Oh, okay' Zach said and then reached out to hand the phone back to Susan. He smiled up at her and then ran back to Susie. Susan put the phone back to her ear.

'That was a rather sudden end to the conversation' she said and he heard Mark laugh slightly.

'I don't think he like my answer to the last question' Mark admitted. Susan was about to ask what it was, but then remember Zach's question and decided she didn't want to know.

'So, will I get Carol to give you a call when she gets here?' Susan offered.

Mark cleared his throat again. 'Yeah, that would be great' he said.

'Okay, then' Susan said, unsure as to whether she should ask how he is or something.

Mark solved that problem, however, by saying, 'Yeah, okay...bye.'

'Bye' Susan barely whispered and hung up the phone, feeling a little relieved and at the same time, regretful. She put the phone down and went to check on the kids again. She smiled when she saw them sitting quietly in front of the TV again. She was about to turn and leave the room when Zach spoke up.

'Why don't you want Mark here?' he asked.

'What?' Susan asked, confused.

'That's what he said. He said he couldn't come here because you didn't want him too' Zach told her.

So that had been his answer to Zach's question. Susan thought on what Zach had said and wondered if that was true. Did she want Mark here? The answer she came up with didn't match Zach's. She shook her head and left the room without answering him.

Zach looked over at Little Susie who had been listening to their conversation. She shrugged.

'Yeah, Aunt Susan is crazy' she said. Zach laughed and they went back to watching the TV.

_**D&C**_

Doug and Carol stood as far apart as the hotel room allowed, Carol by the window, Doug leaning against the door. Both of them had their eyes down but occasionally, each would glance up at the other but would quickly look back down again if their eyes met.

Carol felt like a thousand people were screaming inside her head and couldn't make sense of any of it. Eventually she croaked out the question that was screaming the loudest.

'How did you know I was here?'

Doug looked up at the sound of her voice. He was so confused he didn't even understand her question for several long and silent seconds and when he answered, it came out as a whisper.

'I didn't know.'

When her eyebrows came together in confusion, Doug silently held out his hand holding Zach's hat and offered it to her.

Carol hesitated, the approached him, not knowing what the bundle of wool in his hand was at first. As she reached out to take it, her hand brushed off his. Grabbing the hat, she wrenched her hand back, she cheeks flushed red. But then she realised what she was holding and gasped.

'Where did you get this?' she demanded, her voice a little louder than before but still not at it's usual level.

Doug gulped. Of course she would be mad that he happened to have something belonging to her three year old son. He probably seemed like a stalker or something now.

'I saw Susan outside with your boy and he dropped it. I didn't know who he was and I was just returning it' he tried to explain.

'If you didn't know who he was then how did you know to come here?' she asked.

'The porter told me your room number. I was curious about who the kid was because Susan said she was going to get Little Susie and then I saw her here with a little boy. I wanted to know why she was lying' Doug said hastily, trying his best to make Carol understand.

'So, you were snooping on your friend and just happened across me?' Carol asked, incredulously.

'Well...yeah' Doug said, uncertain of her tone of voice.

Carol was silent for the longest time yet. She held the small hat in both hands, her thumbs running over the wool as if it were a treasured object. Then, slowly she sank back down onto the bed.

The writing on the inside of the hat, Zachary T, was written in John's handwriting. Another boy in Zach's day care had the same hat and John had written Zach's name on it so they wouldn't be mixed up. But just seeing his writing reminded Carol of his fist coming towards her and she raised a hand to touch her yellowing bruise.

Doug didn't miss the movement and he took a step closer.

'What happened?' he asked and indicated her bruise when Carol looked up.

'It's a long story' she whispered, tossing Zach's hat down on the bed beside her. Then she lowered her head into her head and gripped her hair, willing herself no to scream out in frustration. What in the name of god is he doing here!

'You know, I'm just as shocked to see you' Doug mumbled, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

Carol laughed a small, dark laugh. 'I somehow doubt that' she said, closing her eyes.

This angered Doug. He had spent four years dreaming of her, desperately trying to get over her and now she was claimed she had the right to be more shocked by their suddenly reunion than him.

'You put me through hell, Carol' he said, a little more loudly than he had planned.

Carol's head snapped up, intending to give an angry retort but once she seen his expression, her anger melted away.

'I know' she breathed, 'And you have no idea how sorry I am for that.'

Doug was thrown by her response and remained silent for a long time.

Memories of that time in her life came rushing back then. Her overdose. She was so unhappy back then. She loved Doug, there was no doubt about it, but when John had come along with his honesty and trust and fidelity, Carol admitted she was swept off her feet. That's why she agreed to marry him and why she tried her hardest to force Doug out of the picture, so she could push all that pain and sorrow associated with him away too. But her love for a normal and happy life with John ran deeper than her actual love for the man she was marrying and needing the stability for once, she had chosen John. She knew Doug would have hurt her. But now, John had too, and not just emotionally. Feeling the pain she did now let her know exactly how much pain she had inflicted upon Doug, who had loved her too. It was confusing and that it was all being force upon her right now, made it near impossible to just breathe.

Just to delay facing her confusion and pain, Carol said, 'I thought you lived in DC?'

Doug looked up at her once more and found her watching him closely. He nodded.

'I do. I'm here for work' he told her.

But the expression of hurt and pain had not left his face and so Carol knew she had to confront this now rather than later.

'Doug, I am sorry for hurting you. But you know how unhappy I was back then. And when John came along, it was such a nice change from worrying what was going on behind my back. I loved you, I really and truly did but I love what I could have had, what I ended up having, with John more. But loving him and choosing him is what has me in this mess now and now I have a little boy that depends on me to keep him safe. But I need to feel safe too and I don't. I feel lost and confused and now you're here and I'm thinking about all the good times we had and I'm thinking about what we might have had if I had of chose you. I'm just so confused.' Tears had formed in her eyes yet again and flowed freely down her cheeks.

Doug was touched by what she said but it worried him too. Worried him because he had seen Carol melt down like this before and it had ended up with her being rolled into her workplace on a gurney, with all her colleagues there to see.

'Carol, tell me what's wrong. Maybe I could help?' Doug said, lowering himself down onto the bed beside her.

Carol shook her head and continued to sob. Slowly, Doug reached his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him and she willingly melted into him and sobbed. Just touching her sent shocks up his arm and made his heart pump faster. How he had dreamt of this! But he never dreamed that Carol would be in this state and that worried him even more.

But then she spoke, in just a bare whisper, her breath shaking as she spoke through her tears.

'He hit me.'

Those three little words sent wave and wave of anger coursing through Doug's very veins. It made his blood boil. He wanted to kill John Tagilieri, rip him limb from limb. How dare he lay a finger on her! Yet no words of anger escaped his lips, just comforting words that Carol needed to hear and that he needed to be the one to say. Then Carol spoke again.

'I've thought about you. Thought about you a lot over the last few days. I can't explain it, no matter how hard I try. I even considered going to DC when I left Chicago' she whispered.

Doug held her even tighter than before, his minded clouded with meaning of her words, wondering why she said them and wishing he could tell her how he had thought of her every day since he left Chicago.

And so they sat there, in the darkening hotel room, Doug holding Carol, listening to the sounds outside the window, until Carol fell asleep in his arms, peacefully, for the first time in days.

* * *

_**AN:** I have to say, I'm really glad with how this turned out :) But not to worry, loads more Doug/Carol angst to come. This story is far from over :)_

_Let me know what you thought of it :)_

_Thanks for reading! _


	11. Chapter 11

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Eleven**

As the kids sat at the table eating, Susan began to fret about Carol. It had been almost three hours since she and Zach had left the hotel and there was still no sign of her friend. She wasn't sure if she should call or not as she knew that Carol needed time to herself, but it had been so long that she was truly worried now.

'Where's my mommy?' Zach asked, looking up from his food.

Susan turned. She had been standing in the doorway of the kitchen, gazing at the front door across from her and holding the phone in her hands, still deliberating on whether she should call or not.

'She'll be here soon' Susan told the youngster.

'You said that ages ago' Zach complained. Susan nodded and decided it was time she phoned Carol. She raised the phone and punched in the number.

_**D&C**_

Doug sat in the chair watching Carol sleep peacefully. Her curly hair fanned out around her head like a halo and her left hand was resting against her cheek as she breathed in and out evenly. He wasn't sure how long it had been since Carol had fallen asleep in his arms but knew that the time he had spent gazing at her was one of the best times of the last four years. Yet his conscience was picking at him, reminding him that he had vowed to move on. Alicia and Eden were waiting in DC for his return. He felt conflicted. Stay and possibly have his heart broken if she rejected him, or leave and have his heartbroken with the thought of what could have been. Alicia and Eden played heavily on his mind. His head was telling him to go back to them and make a go of it, but his heart was saying stay and fight for his one true love. He liked Alicia and maybe in time he could learn to love her, but he knew that whatever love he would ever feel for her would never equal his love for Carol.

The suddenly loud trill of a phone pulled him out of his thoughts. On the table next to him lay Carol's cell phone and when he picked it up to look at the caller ID, Susan's name flashed upon it. He quickly answered it before it could wake Carol.

'Hello?' he said in a hushed voice, standing up and crossing the room to the door. He opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

'Doug?' came Susan's disbelieving reply.

'Yeah, it's me' Doug confirmed.

'What are you doing with Carol's cell?'

'I'm here with her now, in her hotel room' Doug explained.

'_Why_?'

'It's a long story. Carol's asleep now' he said, peeking back into the room to double check that she was.

'Do you...I mean, did she tell you...what happened?' Susan asked, hesitantly.

Doug's earlier anger flared again and his grip on the small phone tightened. 'Yeah, she did.'

'Oh' came Susan's reply.

Both were silent for a few minutes, both thinking about what Carol had gone through over the last few days.

'She was supposed to come over here. Do you know if she still intends too?' Susan asked then.

'I'm not sure, I'll ask her when she wakes up.'

Just then a soft, low moan came from inside the room.

'Susan, I'll have to go. I'll call you later' Doug said.

'Sure. Just tell Carol I called and that Zach is fine' Susan replied.

'I will, talk to you later' Doug said and hung up. He re-entered the room to see Carol sitting up on the bed, rubbing her eyes.

'Hey' he said, quietly.

Carol looked up at Doug and for a second was shocked to find him there. Then she remembered him turning up at the hotel room and relaxed slightly. After another few seconds, she realised she must have fallen asleep.

'How long was I asleep?' she asked as Doug lowered himself into the chair again.

'A little over an hour maybe' he said, placing her phone back on the table.

'You didn't have to stay.' Carol sat up, bringing her legs up under her chin and wrapping her arms around them.

'I wanted to' Doug said, not looking her in the eye.

Carol hesitated for a few seconds before saying, very quietly, 'Thank you.'

Doug now looked up at her. The longing was becoming unbearable and now that she was awake again, Alicia and Eden disappeared from Doug's thoughts. All he wanted was right in front of him but he had no idea how he was supposed to get it. He smiled ruefully to himself and looked back at the floor. What was he supposed to say now?

'I thought about you, too.' Doug wasn't aware of making the decision to speak, but once he started he couldn't stop. 'Every day.'

Carol didn't need to ask what he was on about. She remembered now, telling him of how he had played on her mind over the last week and knew that, even though she had said it over an hour ago, he was now responding to it.

'I couldn't get you out of my head, no matter how hard I tried. My first year in DC was probably the worst of my life. I don't remember much of it, I only remember wandering around, trying desperately to find something that would numb the pain. Eventually I found it, I got a job in a children's hospital and threw myself into my work. It was how I dealt with it. Slowly, I began to return to who I once was, but there was always that hole in my chest, that knife through my heart and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't forget you.'

Carol remained quiet when Doug finished speaking, not sure what she should say. It was oddly comforting to know that, while her husband was out sleeping with other women, someone somewhere was still being faithful to her, though she knew she didn't deserve it. She had ripped Doug's heart into pieces and still, he had loved her. And she had given her love to someone else, who had flung it aside for the thrill of sleeping with med students.

'I should get over to Susan's. Zach will be looking for me' she said after a while.

'She called while you were asleep. She said that...Zach is fine' Doug informed her. Weirdly, it had been hard to say her son's name. Like as if he said it out loud, I would confirm the fact that the most important person in her life was her little boy and it would never be him again.

'Still, I should be there. He'll get upset if I'm not there to put him to bed' Carol said. She remembered how Zach cried and cried when John wasn't home to say good night. She couldn't bare thinking that he might be crying for her now too.

Doug nodded, understanding. Carol stood up and packed away whatever was lying about the room. Then she hesitated, wondering how she would say good bye to him.

'Will I see you again?' Doug asked. He felt his heart might break if she gave the wrong answer. She was like a drug. He had been deprived of it for so long, now that he had had a hit, he needed more and more and could not go back to being without it.

'I'd like that' Carol said eventually and Doug smiled with happiness. He nodded and they both headed for the door.

When they reached the elevators, Doug paused. 'My room is this way' he said, pointing in the direction.

Carol nodded. They both hesitated before Doug stepped forward and pecked her cheek. Carol blushed and looked down at the ground.

Doug half smiled through the awkward moment, and deciding Carol was not going to respond, he turned and headed towards his room.

Carol watched him go. She couldn't describe what she was feeling in that moment. She felt better than she had in the last few days and a tiny bubble of hope had appeared but now that he was walking away, she could feel little jabs at her bubble and was sure she didn't want it to burst.

'Doug!' she called after him, without really thinking.

He turned, looking at her questioningly and Carol felt like smiling suddenly.

'I'll call you' she told him. He smiled too and nodded. Just then the elevator door opened and Carol jumped into it before anything else could be said.

_**D&C**_

The flat was lonely and cold. Rachel was fast asleep in bed and the silence pressed upon Mark's ears as his mind buzzed with memories and dreams. She had sounded so happy. But once he had told her who it was, it was obvious she was shocked to the core. She had passed him off on Zach rather than speak to him herself. How had things gone so bad between them? They had been best friends and now they could hardly carry a conversation for more than thirty seconds.

Mark wished for the old days. When he could laugh and joke with Susan without feeling awkward. When he could play ball with Doug outside while waiting on an ambulance or on a break. Now with both of them gone, Carol was all that left of the old ER gang and now she had fled and who knew when she would be back. He missed her. He missed Doug. And most of all his missed Susan.

His mind wandered back to that wonderful night he and Susan had spent down at Navy Pier. Both having been set up on blind dates, and both having turned out horribly, they had ditched their dates and ran off to one of the best nights they had spent together. Mark had decided long ago that this night was when he had begun to feel more than friendship for Susan. Jen was gone and so was Rachel most of the time. He was lonely but that night he turned a corner, a crossed a line too. He had fallen for his best friend. And even when he threw caution to the wind and told her how he felt, she still didn't stay.

His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. He reached over the couch and answered it.

'Hello' he said. He was aware how low and depressed he sounded, but right now, he didn't care.

'Mark! Hey, buddy.'

Mark almost dropped the phone. _Speak of the devil_ he thought.

'Doug?' he asked disbelievingly.

He heard Doug chuckle. 'Who else? How have you been?' Doug asked.

Still trying to recover from the shock of his old friend phoning out of the blue, Mark replied, 'Things are good. What about you?'

'Yeah, I'm okay. Actually, I'm in phoenix.'

Mark's mouth fell open his pure shock. _What was Doug doing in Phoenix?_

'What are you doing there Doug?' he asked.

'Well, I came for work and met up with Susan while I was here. I've just left Carol, which is really the reason I'm calling' Doug explained.

Mark couldn't wrap his head around this. Doug was speaking so calmly. Even in emails over the years, he had never mentioned Carol, and here he was now, talking about her without any hesitation, as if nothing had happened.

'Oh?' Mark said, questioningly. How much did he know?

Now Doug's voice became serious. 'She's in a right state Mark. She told me that he hit her' he admitted. Mark heard the reluctance to say Tag's name.

He sighed. 'Yeah, I know. She stayed with me since it happened but disappeared without telling me. She rang earlier to say she was in Phoenix with Susan.'

'What really happened, Mark?' Doug asked, knowing he could get the truth from his friend.

Mark took a deep breath. 'I didn't realised things were so bad between them. They were fighting more but what couple doesn't fight. She told me a few days ago they were having problems. I offered to drive her home but on the way out she spotted Tag's car and insisted on going back. When she went up to his office, she found him with a med student. I brought her and Zach back to my place but after a while she went home to talk to him. She came back with a fractured cheek bone' Mark explained.

Doug didn't reply for a long time and Mark heard his deep breaths. 'I feel like killing him' he said eventually.

'You're not the only one' Mark admitted. Doug didn't reply.

'Doug, do you think it's a good idea for you to get involved in this? We all know how you feel about Carol and Tag. Maybe it's best to stay away' Mark warned, knowing that whatever feelings Doug still had for Carol would double now that they were together and Carol was so vulnerable.

'I can't Mark, honestly. I thought I was moving on, I started seeing someone else. But now she here and she's broken and she needs help. If there's any way that I can help, I'll do it, regardless of how hurt I might be at the end of it all. I just can't stay away' Doug explained.

Mark sighed. 'I understand, Doug. But please remember that her marriage has just fallen to pieces and there's a little boy to consider in all of this. Carol will protect Zach at all costs. Just don't get your hopes up' he warned.

'Yeah, I know. Thanks buddy' Doug replied. 'Have you talked to Susan recently?' he added.

'Yeah, I called her earlier to see how Carol was' Mark said, wishing he didn't have to talk about Susan.

He thought Doug must have heard the reluctance in his voice for he just said, 'Oh, okay. So I'll call you soon okay. Let you know how Carol is.'

'Yeah that would be great, Doug. And it was good to hear from you too' Mark replied.

Doug chuckled again. 'Yeah, was good to hear your voice too buddy. Talk to you soon, okay?'

Both men said their goodbyes and hung up, both with more to think about than they had before the phone call.

* * *

_**AN:** I really should be studying... But I couldn't resist uploading this when it was sitting there ready to go :) I think I might get this finished over christmas and there's only 3 days left until our break begins, so expect another chapter by Monday at the lastest! (earlier if it snows again, like it's suppose too)_

_Hope you like it! :D Now all you have to do is review :) Please and thank you!_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Sorry this took so long. But the good news is, I think I might get to finish this over the holidays (Fingers crossed!). Anyway, enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review!**_

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Twelve**

This was bad. Very bad. So very bad that Mark could only stare at the envelope in front of him.

It was the morning after he had talked to Carol, Susan and Doug. He had arrived early to work since Rachel was now back with her mom and because he couldn't sleep. It was one of those days in the ER that the only patients that came in, the med students and interns were eager to work them up, leaving Senior Residents and Attendings with a lot of free time. Mark was the only Attending working at the moment, apart from Weaver who was sitting in the lounge doing paperwork and had asked not to be disturbed unless it was of utmost importance. And boy, was Mark glad she was out of the way now.

He picked up the envelope and read the addressee name again: _Carol Tagilieri_. That was not what had him worried though, it was the stamped name and title of the returnee on the top left hand corner of the envelope that worried him.

_Wilson & Clark_  
_Family Law Attorney_

It had been hand delivered by a courier a half hour ago and still, Mark sat staring at it. After everything Tag had put her through, he was now suing her? She should be suing him! He was the one who had cheated on her and then smashed her across the face. But Mark couldn't feel anger, all he could feel was worry. He couldn't just call Carol up and tell her Tag was suing her. He didn't know what that would do to her in her fragile state. And for all he knew, Tag could have just started divorce proceeding and was intending to give her everything out of guilt. But he couldn't just dump that worry on Carol after everything she had already gone through. He needed to be sure.

He looked around the ER. Some patients were waiting in chairs, others on gurneys in Curtain Area 1 and 2 and the med students and interns were either with patients or nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath and slit open the letter. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't imagine Carol being angry with him for trying to protect her and he just had to be sure.

His mouth fell open as he read through the letter, his eyebrows moving further and further up his forehead. That bastard!

Not only was he filing for divorce, he was also suing her for full custody of Zach. And on top of that he was suing her for taking Zach out of state without his permission. His fist clenched over the letter, pure anger coursing through his veins.

He moved as if he was on autopilot. He stormed into the lounge, almost shouted at Weaver to leave, which she did, surprisingly, and picked up the phone. His fingers trembled as he punched in the familiar number and he tapped his foot impatiently as it rang. After four long rings, the phone was answered.

'Jennifer Simon's office' said a pleasant, friendly voice.

'Addison, it's Mark. I need to talk to Jen. It's urgent' Mark told the young receptionist, who immediately patched him through to Jen's private line.

_**D&C**_

Susan didn't know what to do. It was 6am and she could still hear Carol's sobs through the thin wall separating their bedrooms.

Carol had arrived at her house about an hour after Susan had talked to Doug. She seemed tired, despite Doug having said she had been asleep earlier. She went straight to Zach, who was falling asleep on the couch and hugged him to her for well over an half hour, just sitting there, rocking back and forth, pressing kisses into the boy's brown curls. She then asked where they would be sleeping. Susan said Zach could stay in the room Susie used when she stayed over and that Carol could use the spare room. Then after thanking her friend, Carol put her son to bed and the shut herself into the guest room. A few minutes later, the crying started and it still hadn't stopped.

Throwing back the covers, Susan decided her couldn't lie in bed any longer. She got up, pulled an over large sweater over her head, donned a pair of fluffy socks and made her way downstairs. She was surprised to find Zach already sitting on the couch, watching an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants.

'Hey kiddo, you want some breakfast?' Susan asked, perching herself on the arm of the couch.

'Where my mom?' Zach inquired as if he had not heard Susan's question.

'She's still asleep. So how about breakfast?' she asked again.

Zach bobbed his head and looked back to the TV screen.

Susan stood and made her way into the kitchen. She took a bowl from the cupboard and filled it was the kiddy cereal Susie always asked for, splashed some milk over it and went back to the living room after grabbing a spoon.

'Here you go' she said brightly, handing the bowl to Zach.

He took it, examined it's contents, then handed it back. 'I don't like that' he said. Had he been an adult, Susan would have said he sounded depressed, but since he was only three years old, she thought recent events might be catching up on him.

'But Little Susie loves this. Why don't you try it?' she suggested.

Zach just shrugged in reply.

'Zach, don't be rude. You do like it, now eat it' came a voice from behind them. They both turned to see Carol descending the stairs, wrapping a large black cardigan around her shoulders, still wearing her pyjamas and a pair of slippers on her feet.

'I don't want it' Zach replied, crossing him arms and turning back to the TV.

'Fine, but you won't be getting anything else' Carol said, heading towards the kitchen.

Zach looked up at her and then at Susan, who raised her eyebrows and offered him the bowl again.

He took it and began to eat, a scowl upon his face.

Susan stood up and followed Carol into the kitchen.

She was sitting at the table, her head in her hands, her bushy hair completely covering her face.

'Coffee?' Susan offered, taking two mugs from the cupboard.

'Yeah, thanks' Carol said, raising her head.

'I only have instant' Susan told her, flicking the switch on the kettle.

'It's fine' Carol said. Her voice was void of any sort of emotion, her eyes downcast, watching her fingers as she fiddled with the buttons of her cardigan.

The kettle boiled, Susan poured two mugs, added the coffee granules, stirred them and brought them to the table with a carton of milk.

'Thanks' Carol mumbled, taking a mug and adding a drop of milk.

Susan watched her as Carol stirred the coffee absentmindedly. Sitting this close to her, Susan could see that the nurse's eyes were red and puffy from the previous night's crying. Although Susan was due in work in under two hours, she knew she could not leave Carol alone like this. She stood up and went to the phone on the wall and dialled the number for work.

It was answered by none other than Scott West.

'Hey Scott, could you tell Willis I won't be in today?' she asked. She saw Carol's eyes flick up to her but she didn't protest.

'Yeah, sure, is everything okay?' Scott asked.

'Yeah, everything's fine. Thanks Scott. I have to go. See you tomorrow' Susan said and hung up before Scott could say anything else. She sat back down at the table and picked up her coffee.

'You don't have to miss work on my account. I'll be fine' Carol said. Her voice wavered though, and Susan knew that wouldn't be the case if she went to work.

'It's fine. I want to spend some time with you and Zach anyway. And I've loads of holidays saved up' she said, which was true too.

Carol nodded and a small tear slipped from her eye.

'Oh, Carol' Susan sighed and got up. She went around the table and wrapped her arms around her friend.

'I'm so confused, Susan. I don't know what to do' Carol admitted.

Susan pushed the bushy brown hair away from her friend's face and wiped away her tears. 'Carol, everything's going to be fine. Tag isn't going to bother you here' she tried to reassure her.

'Everything's not fine though, is it? I've ran away from my own husband, my child is miserable and then Doug Ross shows up! Everything's a mess!' Carol sobbed.

Comprehension dawned on Susan. It was Doug that had her in this state.

'My marriage has just fallen to pieces and all I can think about is Doug!' Carol almost shouted in frustration.

There was nothing Susan could say, so she just hugged her friend tighter and prayed everything would turn out alright.

_**D&C**_

'So he can't sue then?' Mark asked making sure he had it right.

'Not for taking the child away without permission. Zach was with his mother and she has every right to take her child where ever she pleases. He can sue for custody, though. And obviously, the divorce. But suing for taking Zach to another state is ridiculous. I can't even believe an attorney even agreed to that one' Jen explained.

'So is there anything she can do to stop him getting custody?' Mark asked next.

'Not really, other than show up for the hearing and plead her case. The fact that he's hit her will count against him, but unless it's evident that's he's a danger to Zach there's no reason he can't gain custody. Carol's just going to have to put up a very good defence' Jen explained.

Mark cursed under his breath.

'Mark, if she wants, I'll be more than happy to represent Carol' Jan offered.

'You're not a Family Law Attorney, though' Mark replied.

'I know but I know Carol, I know Tag and I'd like to help. It probably wouldn't hurt to have someone who knows the situation on her side, anyway' Jen countered.

'Yeah, I suppose your right' Mark admitted. 'I'll suggest it to her when I tell her about the letter.'

'About that, Mark. Why exactly did you open the letter if it was addressed to Carol?' Jen asked.

'Because I had a feeling what it was and I wanted to make sure before I worried her. Carol won't mind' he told her.

'Okay, but keep me up to date. If I'm going to represent her, I'll need to know everything that goes on, alright?' Jen said.

Mark sighed, wondering what exactly was going to happen next. 'So how's Rach?' he asked.

'She's good. I'll tell her you said hi' Jen replied.

'Yeah, do that. And thanks Jen. I'll keep you posted' Mark promised.

'No problem. I'll talk to you soon' she said. They said goodbye and hung up.

Just then the door of the lounge opened and Kerry Weaver came back into the room.

'Is it safe yet or do I have to go somewhere else to finish my paperwork?' she asked, giving Mark a look that he took to mean she wasn't happy that he had unceremoniously kicked her out of the lounge.

'Sorry Kerry. It' was an emergency' he said, moving past her towards the door. At the last minute she called him back.

'Mark...How's Carol?' she asked.

Mark sighed heavily. 'She's fine' he told her, 'For now' he added once the door of the lounge had swung shut behind him.

* * *

_**AN:** (Don't have the patience to write one)_

_This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful cousin, Gabby, who turned 18 yesterday and who also experienced her first hangover today, haha. Happy Birthday Gabs, Love Kate, Noah-J and Rory :) xxx_


	13. Chapter 13

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was late afternoon was there came a knock on the front door.

Chloe had called by earlier with Susie, upon the little girl's request, to see if Zach wanted to accompany them to the park. Carol was hesitant about letting Chloe take her child. She remember too well how she had ran off after Susie was born and didn't return for months, leaving Susan holding the baby. But Susan assured her everything would be fine. And because Zach had been so miserable all morning and only perked up when Little Susie arrived, Carol agreed. After Zach was gone, Carol and Susan both curled up on the couch with a huge tub of ice cream and watched crappy daytime TV.

So it came as a surprise, only an hour into their TV and ice cream binge that someone was knocking on the door. Susan rose, handed the tub to Carol and went to see who it was. When she pulled open the door, though, she froze when she saw their visitor.

'Doug, what are you doing here?' Susan asked. She heard the TV being muted inside and turned to see Carol looking worried and tearful again.

'I just came by to see how Carol was' Doug said, smiling.

Susan returned his smile somewhat awkwardly and stepped out of the house, pulling the door shut behind her.

'I don't think now is a good time' she told her old friend.

'Why?' Doug asked suspiciously.

Susan hesitated, not sure of what to tell him. She knew that Doug still cared deeply for Carol, that he may even still love her, and telling him Carol had cried all night, and because of him, was probably not the right thing to do.

'Doug, Carol's in a weird place right now. I just don't think seeing you wouldn't help her. She has more important things to think about right now, like her marriage and her son' Susan said, slowly, 'She needs space.'

'Susan, I'm going back to DC the day after tomorrow' Doug said and she heard the plea in his voice.

Susan took a deep breath, eyeing her friend and she saw the sincerity that lay in the depths of his brown eyes. She nodded and opened the door.

_**D&C**_

Mark couldn't believe he was doing this.

He tried over and over again to convince himself that he was doing it for Carol, that she was the one and only reason for doing this. But that nagging thought in the back of his mind just wouldn't leave him alone. It felt like a little alarm clock and each time he thought he was doing it for Carol, it went off.

Susan...Susan...Susan.

It beat against the inside of his skull, filing his mind with memories. Then he would shake the thought away and concentrate on something else. But it didn't take long for his mind to return to the letter, then to Carol and then of course, the little alarm would go off again.

'Dad, you want a soda or something?' Rachel asked, successful bring Mark back to the present.

Being in St Louis was weird. Being around Jen was odd. But then he would tell himself he was doing it for Carol. Then cue the alarm.

'No, I'm fine, thanks sweetheart' Mark replied.

Jen was sitting opposite him, flipping through a magazine, she legs crosses, one foot jiggling to the music playing in the background.

'Well, can I have money for one?' Rachel asked.

Mark smiled at his daughter, dug into his pocket and pulled out some coins. He poured them into her hand and she skipped off to the vending machines.

Jen looked up as she ran off, then turned to Mark and smiled.

'Thanks for doing this, Jen' Mark said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

She smiled again in reply and Mark nodded, remembering her answer when he had told her his plan. She was glad she could help Carol.

Mark had woke that morning with his plan fully formed, which wasn't surprising seeing as he had fallen into a restless sleep wondering how on earth he was going to explain this to Carol. So, as soon as he woke up, he jumped out of bed and called Jen. Luckily, she was already up, getting ready for work and once he told her his plan, she agreed without hesitation. She said she would call back after she talked to her boss and once she did call back, Mark was on the first flight out to St Louis. He had called Kerry Weaver from the airport, explaining that he had to take a few days off. The Interim Chief had complained until Mark mentioned it was for Carol's sake. She quickly changed her tune, showing her compassionate side once again and told Mark to take as long as he needed.

Just then, Rachel skipped back to her seat and popped the can of soda she held.

'How long more?' she asked, after taking a noisy slurp of her drink.

'Not too much longer, sweetie' Jen said, glancing up from her magazine again.

_**D&C**_

Doug could see that Carol hadn't had an easy night. She still wore her pyjamas and a too-big black cardigan.

He was staring at her with confusing eyes, not understanding her last statement. She had said it wasn't a good idea for him to be there.

'I just came to see if you were alright' he said.

If he was being honest with himself, he could probably have guess what was going on. She was rejecting him. She had done it all those years ago and now she was doing it again. He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, but he hadn't been able to sleep the night before, ecstatic that he had gotten to hold her again, comfort her. He didn't want to let her go again, but he realised then that he had never had her and that's what she was telling him now.

'I don't want you here' Carol said, not looking him in the eye.

'I'm only trying to help, Carol' he told her, even though his instincts told him he should shut up and leave.

'You're not helping though, are you? You're making everything worse! I can't deal with having you around Doug, can't you see that? I've been to hell and back over the last few days and you showing up...' her shouting trailed off as Susan returned from the kitchen.

Doug was stunned, but it was if his mind had no control over what came out of his mouth anymore. 'Carol, please...Let me help you.'

'YOU CAN'T HELP! You're making it worse. Do you know what I did last night? I cried...all night. And it wasn't because my husband cheated on me. It wasn't because he hit me. It wasn't because Zach is miserable and he misses his dad. It was because of you! Do you know how confusing that is? After everything that's happened, you are all I can think about. And it's not fair, Doug. It's not fair on me, not fair on Zach and it's not fair on you, either.'

Doug stood there, unable to move. He understood. But her words had also given his hope, irrational hope though it may be. But before he could reply, someone knocked on the door. Susan turned to answer it.

_**D&C**_

Susan turned the handle and opened the door. She froze. Completely froze. Unable to move or speak. What? How? Why? Was this real? Was it really him?

'Susan!' a young brunette girl screamed and almost knocked her of her feet as she rushed to the blonde woman, wrapping her skinny arms around her waist and hugging her tight. Susan, her eyes still wide with shock, placed a hand on the young girl's head, running her hand over her ponytail. Then the girl grinned up at her.

'Aren't you going to say hi?' she asked. But then the girl spotted Carol.

'Carol!' she let go of Susan and dashed over to the nurse, slamming into her and hugging her.

'Rachel?' Carol asked in disbelief. She looked back to the front door to see Mark and Jen standing there. Her mouth popped open.

Susan still hadn't moved. She was staring at Mark, unable to belief that he was really standing at her door, smiling in that awkward way of his.

It was the first time she had seen him in over a year, yet somehow it felt like it was only yesterday, now she was seeing him again. She felt suddenly, and unexplainably, euphoric.

'Nice to see you, Susan' Jen said just then.

Susan's eyes left Mark's face for the first time since opening the door and focused on his ex-wife, her sudden joy fading rapidly as she looked at the woman she had envied for so long.


	14. Chapter 14

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Fourteen**

'What's going on? Mark, why are you here? And Jen...' Carol's voice trailed off as confusion washed over her.

The five adults were now sitting in the kitchen after Susan had set Rachel up in the living room with the remote and the tub of ice cream that she and Carol had now abandoned. They were all grouped around the small table, Doug and Mark at either end, leaning against the wall, Jen next to Mark and Susan next to Doug, with Carol in the middle, facing Mark and Jen with her questions.

'We have something to tell you' Mark said slowly, glancing at Jen, who nodded.

Every kind of horrible thought ran through Carol's mind. An accident, a death? What?

'A letter came for you yesterday morning. I hope you don't mind but I opened it' Mark continued. Carol nodded, waiting for more.

'Who was it from?' she asked, not even bothered that Mark had opened her private letter.

Mark glanced at Jen again, who pressed her lips into a hard line and looked down at her knees.

'Well, that's why we came here. I wanted to tell you in person because it's not something you should hear over the phone. Jen came with me so she could explain' Mark told her.

Again Carol nodded, waiting.

'It was from Wilson and Clark Attorney. Tag is suing you' Mark said in one breath, as if the faster he said it, the less it would hurt. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.

Carol stared at her friend, stunned into silence, not believing that John would do that.

'I only left yesterday...How? When?' she breathed, too shocked to speak louder. Susan took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

'I'm guessing it was after you left my place. He must have realized you'd run and went straight to the Attorney's office. The letter arrived in the ER yesterday morning. When I had read it, I called Jen to get her advice before I spoke to you' Mark explained.

Carol nodded, still dazed. Everyone was silent for several long minutes. Then Carol asked the inevitable question.

'What's he suing me for?'

This time, Jen spoke up. 'A divorce. He wants everything, the house, the car...' she trailed off.

Carol nodded sensing there was more so Jen kept talking.

'He's also trying to sue you for taking Zach out of the state of Illinois without his consent.'

'That's ridiculous! I can take my son where ever the hell I please!' Carol shouted.

Jen laid a hand on Carol's and nodded in agreement. 'I know and it's sure to fall through because there's no law saying that you can't. I talked to his lawyers this morning while I was waiting for Mark. They said they tried to explain to Tag that pursuing the case would be useless but Tag insisted, so they included it in the letter to keep him happy. But they all know that nothing will come of it' Jen explained.

Carol nodded, slowly, breathing deeply. Okay, it was fine. The divorce would have happened regardless so that didn't bother her much. When she looked up at Mark and Jen though, she knew she was still missing some of the vital information.

'What else?' she asked simply, looking from one to the other.

Jen looked at Mark and he nodded, then ran a hand over his almost bald head while taking a deep breath.

'He wants full custody of Zach' he admitted finally.

Everyone stopped breathing, all eyes focused on Carol, waiting...

'No' she whispered, 'No, no, no, no, NO!' her voice got louder and louder with every 'No' she said until she was finally on her feet, shouting. Susan and Mark both jumped up and tried to soothe her but Carol pushed them away.

'He's not taking my son!' she shouted.

'It's not going to happen, Carol. Right, Mark?' Susan said, looking over to him. Mark looked at Jen, knowing Carol needed to hear the legal end of things.

'Carol, please sit down and listen' Jen requested and Carol sat. Well, she kind of flopped into her chair, looked inconsolable and devastated.

'Now, I know this is a shock, but we'll fight this and we'll win' Jen told the shocked nurse.

Carol looked up. 'We?' she asked.

Jen nodded. 'I'll represent you, if you want me to.'

Carol just nodded in response.

'Now, this is not exactly my area of expertise but I do know that a lot of judges favour the mother. Taking that and adding in the fact that Tag has been abusive towards you, I think there's very little chance of him winning. But we do have to consider it a possibility. He's already stated that he won't even settle for visitation rights, which probably won't help him either, going in all guns blazing. Is there a chance that we can try to negotiate visitations?' she asked Carol.

Carol shook her head furiously. 'He is never going to lay a finger on my son ever again' she said. Though she said in quietly, it was as final as if she had screamed in.

Jen nodded. She didn't want to have to say what was on her mind but she knew that Carol had to consider all sides of this.

'Carol, you do know that this isn't going to be easy, right? On you or on Zach. Custody battles can get very ugly. Are you sure you want to put Zach through that?' she asked.

Carol looked up at Jen, a fierce determination set in her brown eyes now. 'Would you hand Rachel over to Mark without a fight if he'd hit you? Hit you so hard that he broke bones? Terrified you so much you couldn't even go back to your own home? Scared you out of going to work. Forced you out of the state? Knowing that at any moment, he might lash out again and not at you this time. I know you two have gone through this, custody settlements, a divorce. But you weren't terrified out of your mind that the next person to knock the door would be him, that it could happen again, that it could be your child next. I've lost everything. My marriage, my home, my pride. I will not lose Zach, too.'

Silence followed Carol's speech. Now they all knew exactly how Carol was feeling, and they all vowed silently to stand by her and make sure that she wouldn't lose the only thing she had left, the most important thing in the world to her.

At that exact moment, the front door burst open and two little voices accompanied by a woman's laugh could be heard from the living room.

'Zach!' Rachel shouted, jumping off the couch and running to hug her little friend.

'Rachel!' Zach shouted back, his eye's alight with excitement, grinning from ear to ear.

'What are you doing here, Rachel?' Chloe asked.

'I came with my mom and dad. They're in there' Rachel said, pointing over her shoulder. Chloe headed towards the kitchen.

Carol stood up again as she entered, smiling at Mark, Jen and Doug, who had so far remained silent since Mark and Jen had arrived.

'What's going on?' Chloe asked.

Unable to bear it any more, Carol shoved past Chloe and into the living room. She scooped Zach up into her arms and without even looking at Susie or Rachel, climbed the stairs, entered the guest room and locked the door behind her.

...

'Carol' came a soft voice through the door.

Zach was sitting on the bed, playing with one of the toys from Carol's bag. Carol was sitting on the floor, leaning against the door and watching her son play silently. Tears stains marked both her cheeks but she was no longer crying. Everything that had bothered her since the night before seemed, somehow, irrelevant now. All she could focus on was the upcoming battle to keep her baby, her reason for living. Nothing else matter anymore, not even Doug's sudden reappearance into her life.

'Please, let me in' Doug pleaded through the wooden door.

He was not the first person to try to get her to open the door but for some reason, Carol heard something different in his voice, something sincere, as if nothing would make him happier than for her to open the door. She didn't remember making the decision to stand up and unlock the door but suddenly she was sitting beside her son on the bed and Doug was kneeling before her, his hands laid gently on her knees.

'It's not going to happen, Carol. Zach is going nowhere. I promise you that' he said.

'How can you promise that?' she whispered, wiping away fresh tears.

'I know a lawyer. She's the best in the whole District of Columbia, and Maryland and Virginia states. She'll help. She can co-counsel with Jen. I won't let Zach be taken away from you' Doug promised her.

Carol looked Doug straight in the eyes and knew he truly believed every word he had just said, but she couldn't find any comfort in them at all. Tears clouded her eyes again and she wiped them away quickly.

'He's all I have left, Doug' she whispered, running her fingers through her son's curls, like she always did.

'He's the most important thing you have left' Doug corrected, 'You still have Mark and Susan...and me. I'm not going anywhere either.'

Carol nodded and wiped away more tears. 'Thank you' she whispered, 'And I'm sorry. Maybe that's what my thoughts were trying to tell me back in Chicago. I was thinking about you because I knew I'd need your help.'

Doug smiled slightly, comforted by her words. 'You have nothing to be sorry for. And I'm glad your thoughts led you to me.' He moved to sit on the bed next to her, and leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead.

Zach looked up at the two adults with curiosity. He didn't know why his mommy was so sad but he was glad that the strange man was there to make her feel better.

* * *

_**AN:** I didn't even bother to proof read this, so I apologise for any typos. I have to go to work tomorrow (dreading that!) and it's after 2am so I'm just too tired. So enjoy...(typos included, ha)_


	15. Chapter 15

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Mark shut the front door and returned to Susan's living room. Jen and Rachel had just left to go to the hotel but Mark decided to remain behind to talk to Doug. He still hadn't returned from Carol's bedroom but besides wanting to know how Carol was, he had a feeling Doug might want to talk too.

Standing in the living room, Mark could just about see Susan in the kitchen, cleaning. She had put some frozen pizzas in the oven earlier, after Carol had retreated to her room and was know cleaning up the mess the pizzas had caused. Mark crossed the living room and entered the kitchen.

'Need some help?' he asked, quietly.

Susan jumped. 'Oh, Mark you scared me' she said, a hand on her chest, breathing deeply. Mark tried not to laugh.

He knew he wasn't the only one of the two aware that this was the first time they had been alone since that day on the platform of Union Station and so the moment was awkward. After recovering from her shock, Susan turned and went back to washing the plates. Silently, Mark joined her, picked up a towel and began to dry what she had already washed. She smiled in thanks and after that they worked in silence.

Susan tried to make sense of what she was feeling as they worked. Her earlier euphoria had faded now, in light of Carol's problems, but she was still happy to see Mark. She was always happy when Mark was around. But that ache in her heart, that dull pain, an echo of the pain she had felt when she boarded that train to Phoenix, made her want to reach out and touch Mark, to be positive she wasn't dreaming and that the man she had loved, still loved, was really standing right beside her now, drying her plates.

'How's your job going?' Mark asked, breaking the silence.

'It's good. Hard work, but you know all about that' Susan answered, keeping her eyes on the dishes.

Mark smiled and nodded, indicating he did know how hard it was working in a busy, urban ER.

They fell back into an awkward silence until all the dishes were washed, dried and stacked. Susan dried her hands, replaced the towel on its hook and then wondered what to do next. Mark was standing near the table, rocking back on his heels and swinging his arms. Susan almost smiled.

'Coffee?' she asked.

Mark clapped his hands as if Susan was a genius for coming up with that idea. 'Love some.'

He sat down at the table again as Susan turned to make the coffee. When she brought the two mugs to the table and sat down, the silent fell again.

It continued while they both sipped their coffee, but by the time they had gotten half way through the mug, the elephant in the room was becoming impossible to ignore.

'I'm really sorry, Mark' Susan mumbled, lifting her legs onto the chair and wrapping her arms around them.

'For what?' Mark asked, taking another sip of coffee and then placing the mug on the table.

'You know what for. For getting on the train. For not giving you what you wanted. For not being able to talk to you properly in over a year. But I meant what I said, that...you know...me too.'

Mark sighed. He knew he wouldn't have been able to avoid this and he thought he was prepared but now that the time had come, he didn't have a clue what to say but that ever burning question begged to be asked.

'Why?' he decided, acting on impulse and asking that question that he needed to be answered.

Susan didn't need to ask what he meant. She knew. He wanted to know why she had left, despite expressing her true feelings for her best friend.

She shrugged. 'I don't know. I guess it was because I was scared. I knew how I felt about you but didn't know if I should act on it, and I was afraid our friendship might have suffered. It meant too much to me, I was afraid of losing it. Plus I had made my mind up and I needed to go through with it. There was nothing left for me in Chicago, and Chloe and Susie were here. But I just said I was sorry, Mark. Please believe that if nothing else.'

Mark looked up at her, staring into her grey-blue eyes and after several seconds, he nodded.

'I believe you. Your eyes give everything away. I always knew whether you were lying or not, just by looking at your eyes. That's how I knew you were telling the truth...when you said...' he trailed off, not wanting to say the words. It was true, what he said about her eyes and if he spoke the words "I love you" now and saw in her eyes it wasn't true anymore, he didn't know what he would do. Better to keep dreaming than have his heart broken.

Susan nodded. She longed to tell him that she still felt the same, that not a day had passed since she departed Chicago that she didn't long to see his face, to hear his voice, his laugh. But she had hurt him by her choice to leave and she was sure he didn't feel the same anymore.

'I really screwed up, huh?' Susan said, shaking her head and standing up. She crossed the room to the sink, washed the remains of her coffee down the drain and leaned against the counter, her back still to Mark, afraid to turn around, tears stinging at her eyes.

Mark stared at her back, confused. Screwed up? She had done exactly what she wanted, what was there to regret? His mind went into overdrive, considering what she had meant. Did she regret it? Did she wish she had left Union Station, not on a train, but hand in hand with him?

Susan turned eventually, having wiped away her stray tears. 'You and Jen seem to be getting along better' she commented.

But Mark had no time to think about his ex-wife. Susan's last comment still echoed in his head and the endless possibilities of the meaning behind it had hope bubbling in his chest. They locked eyes again. Brown eyes staring into grey-blue ones.

She saw his question.

He saw her answer.

He stood up and approached her, not breaking her gaze. He stopped not a foot away from her. It was then that she dropped his gaze.

When she saw his eyes lock on her, she tried desperately, through the eyes he said he could read, to tell him everything, knowing somehow that he wanted to know. But now that he stood so close, she was afraid, afraid he might know what she was thinking but was on the verge of telling her he no longer loved her, he was about to break her heart. She was sure of it. So she looked away.

But then he placed his curved forefinger under her chin and raised her head so she had no choice but to look him in the eye again.

'Tell me... Tell me, now' he said but it came out as a kind of croak. His emotions were getting the better of him. But he needed her to say it verbally. He had seen it in her eyes, but he needed to hear it.

She knew what he was asking. He wanted to hear her say it again, and not from a loving train this time.

'I love you' she whispered.

His lips pulled up at one corner, in a croaked half smile. She bit her lip, waiting.

'Ditto' he whispered.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, gently, still smiling. It was their second kiss but this time, it was different. Full of happiness and love.

Doug stood at the end of the stairs, watching as his friends embraced, smiling widely. He might not have been around when all the "Mark and Susan are in love" drama began but he had his sources and he honestly could think of two people more destined to be with each other.

Well...bar two.

* * *

_**AN:** Sorry it's short. Mark and Susan had to have their say but not having Carol or Doug in the chapter made it hard to write. I even stuck Doug in there at the end because I missed him so much, haha. And I know you might be thinking "That was fast" but there are two couples that need reuniting here and Doug and Carol was never going to be easy. Plus, Mark and Susan's history was far more recent than Doug and Carol's and they had been talking over the last year, even if it was just email. Doug and Carol had not spoken in over four years and it was because she chose to be with someone else. So yeah, this is what you get :) Please feel free to tell me you thought it was too fast if that's how you feel though, I was just explaining why I did it :) _

_So, hope you enjoyed it. There will definitely be way more Doug and Carol in the next chapter :)_


	16. Chapter 16

__

_**AN****:** Okay so I usually put this at the bottom but this is **important** so please read it! I've noticed that there are a few inconsistencies in the story so far that I want to correct. Nothing major but I still want to set everything straight: _

_**1.** I think I mentioned in an earlier chapter than Zach is three, **nearly** four. However, given the time Carol and Tag married and the time this is suppose to be set, Zach could only have **just turned **three. So yeah...Zach is just turned three. (This will come up in this chapter. He was conceived in April and born in November)._  
_**2.** I've mentioned numerous times that it has been four years since Carol chose Tag and Doug left for DC. However, given that this story takes place in late November of Season 5, this is not true. It has been **almost** four years since then. Carol and Tag married in April, so it has been **three years and eight months**._

_I think that's all :) I know it doesn't make much of a difference but I just had to correct myself, just incase there was anyone reading this and had noticed that the timing was slightly off. _

_Also, I have the rest of this story planned out and I think it will take only 4/5 chapters to finish and then maybe an epilogue :)_

_Okay, enough babbling on from me...So enjoy this chapter and please review afterwards :)_

__PS. If you are wondering why this story is called "Where We Are" they look up "Westlife Where We Are" on youtube. The story was inspired by the song and so it is named so :) It's a good song, give it a go!

* * *

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Sixteen**

The next morning, Carol woke up beside her son. His little body was curved against hers; one hand rested on his head like it always did when he slept. His curls tickled Carol's cheek and she smiled down at him, a smile that quickly turned to a frown. Zach was just three years old and his life was being torn apart. This custody battle would be a war to his young mind and he was standing in the middle with no way to escape what was coming.

As she lay in bed, Carol's mind wandered back to the beginning. This was not the first time she had to contemplate losing Zach. And not only had she almost lost him, he had almost lost his life.

Zachary Ethan Tagilieri was born on November 3rd, 1995, almost two months before his due date. Carol knew something was wrong when her newborn son did not cry. He suffered from respiratory distress syndrome and swollen internal organs which decreased his blood flow. He received emergency surgery and was placed in an incubator where he stayed for almost two months. Every single day of those two months, Carol stayed by her yet-to-be-named son's side, hoping and praying that he would make it. She felt that if she prayed long and hard enough, then God would remember there was a baby here that needed His help and she prayed that her baby would be strong enough to hold on until that happened.

On New Year's Eve, when the rest of the world, unknown to Carol and John, were on the brink of 1996, the parents received good news. Their son would be discharged the next morning. And as the clock struck midnight, they named the little baby who had held on and who God had not forgotten. Zachary (God has remembered) Ethan (Strong) Tagilieri.

Carol remembered how wrong she thought it was that Zach had had to fight such a battle so young. And now, just three years later, he would fight another. It was wrong, and Carol despised John for putting Zach through that.

Susan was already up, Carol could hear her moving around downstairs. But Carol remained where she was until Zach woke up, praying relentlessly, again, that together, she and Zach could make it through what was coming. Just as Zach's eyes fluttered open, Carol heard a knock on the front door and when it was answered, she heard the deep velvety tones of Doug's voice.

She didn't feel as conflicted as before. She didn't wonder why Doug had suddenly shown up in her life again or what that would mean. She didn't search for needless answers to her questions because she had come to the conclusion, last night as she sat in Doug's arms, that things happened, good and bad, whether you wanted them to or not and they didn't go away just because you felt them inconvenient. She should have learned that in the two months she sat by her son's side, tormenting herself about what she could have done to warrant the agony she was feeling and the battle Zach was fighting. It felt cliché to even think it, but things happened for a reason. Those reasons might not always be clear but she had to believe there were legitimate reasons, because if she didn't, she would have given up praying for Zach to survive the battle for his life.

Zach was now sitting up in bed, watching his mother. Carol smiled at him, appreciating what a little miracle he was, and ran her fingers through his curls.

'Let's go get some breakfast' she said. Zach smiled, hearing the change is his mother's mood through her voice, and nodded.

When the pair arrived in the living room, both Susan and Doug were sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and talking quietly. They stopped when they saw Carol, and Doug smiled.

'Good morning' he said.

'Morning' Carol greeted, setting Zach on the ground. He ran to the TV and switched it on. The adults retreated to the kitchen.

'How do you feel this morning?' Susan asked, pouring coffee for her friend and handing her the mug.

'Okay, I guess' Carol replied, sipping the steaming liquid.

They all fell into silence until another knock sounded at the door. Zach hopped off the couch to answer it and his yell of 'Rachel!' let the adults know who it was.

Both Mark and Jen entered the kitchen a few seconds later and Carol did not miss the bright smiles Mark and Susan shot at each other, but decided not to comment on it just now as she had a feeling Jen wanted to talk to her, otherwise she wouldn't be there now.

Jen didn't beat about the bush, either. 'I talked to my superiors and they've agreed I can take the case.'

Carol nodded in thanks then set about getting some breakfast for Zach. After returning to the kitchen, she decided it was best to tell them all her plan now.

'I'm going to go back to Chicago' she said, leaning against the counter between Susan and Mark.

To say they all looked shocked would be an understatement so Carol pressed on, explaining herself.

'I'm going to need to be in Chicago for this custody thing anyway and besides, I'm not afraid to be there anymore. I ran because of what John might do but he's done his worst now, anything else just won't matter. I can't hide out here forever. I need to get Zach back into some sort of routine before this all starts. I need to talk to Weaver about arranging time off. I know I can do that from here but there's no point. Plus, I'm going to have to explain everything to my mom and I think face to face would be the best way.'

Doug snorted in laughter at the mentioned of Carol's mother but quickly quietened. But not before he saw Carol glance at him, a small smile upon her lips.

'Well if you're sure, you can come back with me tonight' Mark offered.

Carol nodded. 'That sounds good. I'll phone the airline and see if I can get us on the flight.'

'I've been thinking' Susan said suddenly and Carol looked over at her.

'I knew you'd be going back to Chicago soon, what with all this...legal...stuff. And I want to come with you' she added.

When Carol's eyebrows came together, Susan pressed on. 'I want to help, Carol and it will be nice to see everyone on Chicago again.'

After several long and silent seconds, Carol nodded. She couldn't help feeling there was something more to Susan's decision to come back to Chicago with her but she would have to find an apartment to live in until all this was over and it would be nice to have Susan with her. Susan smiled.

But as Carol left the kitchen to phone the airline she heard Mark ask, 'What about you Doug?'

She froze to listen to his answer, afraid of what she might hear.

'I'll be flying back to DC in the morning' Doug replied, quietly. Silence fell in the kitchen then.

But out in the hall, Carol felt a little let down. God knows why, because it would surely make this a lot easier if Doug wasn't around. But she just couldn't help but feel disappointed, after Susan's announcement of coming to Chicago with her. Then she shook her head.

_What did you think he was going to do? He has a job and a life in DC. He wasn't going to just drop everything for you_ she thought furiously to herself as she climbed the stairs.

_**D&C**_

Back in the kitchen, Doug had begun to feel slightly panicked. She would be gone in just a few hours. By tomorrow, it will be as if it had never happened. Almost four years he had been without her and now, after just two days, he would be without her again.

The night before, after he had returned to his hotel room, Doug had lay in bed and thought, guiltily, of Alicia. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since he had discovered Carol and her son, but to Alicia, it had only been three days since she and Eden had spent a wonderful afternoon with him, which had ended with a simple kiss and a promise to call as soon as he returned from Phoenix.

Around him, the other three were making plans. Jen and Rachel were flying back to St Louis that evening, then Mark, Susan, Carol and Zach would fly back to Chicago together.

Then Doug remembered the promise he had made Carol the night before, that he would not let Tag take Zach away from her. He remembered offering to ask Vanessa to help. Suddenly, he was itching to return to DC, to call Vanessa and find a way of helping Carol. This wasn't over. He had made a promise to her and he was not going to break it.

Suddenly, he had forgotten, yet again, about another mother and child that he had made a promise to.


	17. Chapter 17

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Seventeen**

I miss him.  
_No you don't, don't be stupid._  
It was nice seeing his face again.  
_He was making things more difficult._  
What if I still have feelings for him?  
_Don't be ridiculous!_  
I miss him.

Carol woke suddenly the next morning. She lay on her back for several long moments, thinking about John and Zach and the custody battle and work and...Doug. _No, you are not thinking about Doug!_ she told herself firmly. He had been on her mind since they had parted ways at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. He had insisted on coming to the airport with her, Zach, Susan and Mark. Just before they went through to the departure area, Doug had pulled her aside.

'Are you sure you're going to be okay?' he has asked.

Carol just nodded her head. Honestly, she didn't know exactly what was going through her head at that point. She still felt irrationally let down by the fact she would be leaving Doug and might possibly never see him again. But she knew she needed to focus on Zach and the custody hearing and whatever else was to come.

Doug had smiled at her then and momentarily, Carol felt a little weak. She remembered that smile, his carefree ways, his compassion for children, the way he held her during those stolen moments at work, the way he ran his hand through his hair when he felt awkward or embarrassed, that twinkle in his eye that matched his smile. All those little things she had once loved about him came rushing back and for one fleeting second, she wanted to beg him to stay with her. She hadn't realised it until then, but he had kept her strong these last few days. Pouring out everything to him in that hotel room had made her feel better. Being held by him as she contemplated losing her son had calmed her. And now she was flying back to Chicago and facing the biggest battle of her life...alone. She forced herself to think rationally. She wasn't alone, she had Susan and Mark and Jen. But that's how she felt right then, as she prepared to leave Doug again.

Then Doug had nodded his head towards Mark and Susan, who were waiting in line to go through to departures. 'Keep an eye on those two' he had said, chuckling. When Carol looked at him questioningly he had added, 'I sort of walked in on them having a bit of a moment yesterday. About time, don't you think?' Carol smiled as she looked over at her friends. So that's why they seemed so happy. That's another reason Susan wanted to come back to Chicago.

'Yeah, about time' she had muttered, forcing a smile.

'Can I call?' Doug had asked then.

Carol had told him he could, then said quick goodbyes and hurried back to Mark and Susan. As they stepped through the security area, Carol had turned and saw that Doug was still there. She waved quickly and then he was gone.

I miss him.  
_No you don't!_

Now, she Susan and Zach were in a hotel room, having checked in upon their arrival in Chicago at almost three in the morning. Susan lay beside her in the double bed and Zach was still asleep on the small pull-out couch. Carol reached over to check the time and was shocked to see it was almost noon. She stretched and got out of bed and moved to the window.

The streets of Chicago were already a hive of activity. Pedestrians, cyclists, cars and buses crowded the road and she heard the familiar sounds of the El train rattling in the background. She sighed and started, mentally, to make a list of things that had to be done that day. Talk to Weaver, find another day care for Zach, speak with Jen at some point, find some sort of a permanent residence for the foreseeable future. She moved to her bags, knowing it was time she got ready to face the day ahead of her. It was then she realised she would have to stop off at her house to get more clothes; her and Zach's choices of clothing were now severely limited.

As she dressed, Susan woke. 'Hey' she mumbled sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

'Hey' Carol replied, pulling a woolly jumper over her head. 'Could you watch Zach while I go to the hospital to talk to Weaver?'

Susan pushed back her messy hair and nodded. 'Sure, but do you really think going to the hospital is such a good idea. Tag might be there' she said.

'Yeah, I know, but it has to be done. Plus, I know Friday is usually a busy day for-' but she was drowned out by Susan swearing loudly. Zach's eyes flew open.

'What?' Carol asked, going to Zach and picking him up.

'I was supposed to be going on a date tonight...in Phoenix!' she almost shouted.

Unexplainably, a loud and genuine laugh burst out of Carol's mouth. It felt weird to laugh. 'With who?' she asked.

'A doctor at my hospital, we've been out a few times. Oh well, I probably would have called it off anyway' Susan mumbled.

'Because of Mark?' Carol asked, smiling slyly.

Susan looked shocked that Carol knew but she blushed and nodded anyway.

'Well at least things are going right for someone' Carol said, then turned to dress Zach.

_**D&C**_

Doug's fax machine rumbled to life and within seconds was spitting out page after page carrying anything that might help Carol keep Zach. He had phoned Vanessa, like he promised, and she was more than willing to help. She never asked why Doug had not called but wished him and his "friend" luck with the custody battle.

But even as the fax machine printed what had to be more than fifty pages, Doug still felt as if he had let Carol down. He doubted this information would be helpful, and anyway, Jen was a lawyer and she would have access to all this stuff.

He was only back in DC a few hours and already he regretting leaving her. He had promised he would help her win custody of her son and he seriously doubted he could do that now. What could he do from DC? And he missed her. Missed her so much it felt like physical pain, like his heart was tearing in two. He _knew_ his heart was tearing in two and he couldn't do a thing to stop it.

He sat down behind his desk in his office and lowered his head into his hands. He should have offered to go back to Chicago with her, like Susan had. But then he remembered what she had shouted at him, just before Mark and Jen had turned up in Phoenix, about his presence making things worse. Did she still feel that way? He gripped his hair in his fingers in frustration, nearly tearing it out. Oh how he missed her.

His office door creaked open and Megan, the nurse, stuck her head in. 'Dr Ross, your first appointment is here' she said, smiling.

Doug's head snapped up. 'My first appointment? Megan, I just got back, I didn't schedule any appointments' he said.

Megan blushed. 'I'm sorry Dr Ross, but Dr Mason scheduled some for you because he knew you'd be back today' the young nurse apologised.

Doug shook his head and sighed heavily. 'Fine, send them in. Who is it anyway?' he asked.

'Oh little Eden James, for her monthly check up' Megan said brightly.

Doug froze. Alicia! How could he have forgotten about her...again! But before he could object he heard Megan say, 'Dr Ross will see you now,' and seconds later the office door banged open.

'Dr Ross!' Eden shouted, sprinting around his desk to hug his arm. She grinned up at him like he was Father Christmas or something. Alicia was standing in the doorway, smiling too.

'H-hey mischief. How are you?' Doug asked, standing up and picked Eden up.

'I feel fine. Dr Ross, when are we going ice skating again?' she asked as Doug placed her on the exam table against the wall.

'Eden!' Alicia scolded, moving into the room and leaning again Doug's desk.

'What?' Eden asked, holding out both hands and shrugging.

'Well, we have to check you over first, don't we?' Doug said quickly, avoiding looking at Alicia.

'And then I get ice cream?' Eden asked, excited.

Doug forced a smile. 'You sure do' he said.

He set about examining the five year old, asking all the usually questions, Alicia answering them brightly, though Doug kept his back to her. Once he had finished and assured mother and daughter than Eden was doing great, he called Megan back and asked her to take Eden to the cafeteria for her usual ice cream. It was only after Eden was gone that Doug finally turned to face Alicia.

She pushed away from the desk and approached Doug, stopping not half a foot away from him. Doug felt himself growing hot and attempted to dodge her, but she reached up and took the collar of his shirt in both hands, then smoothed them down and patted his chest.

'How was Phoenix?' she asked, smiling.

'Eh...It was...eventful' Doug replied, truthfully, trying not to look her in the eye.

She was straightening his tie now. 'That's good' she said.

Doug forced a smile and then stepped away from her and behind his desk. Alicia seemed a bit surprised at first but then took the seat opposite him without saying anything.

'I thought you said you'd call when you got back' she said.

'Well...I'm only back a few hours and I came straight to work. I was going to call tonight' he said, trying to sounds convincing. Alicia nodded as if satisfied by his reply. Then she stood, came around then desk and slipped into Doug's lap.

'I've been thinking about the other day. You left after just a kiss' she said. Her tone suggested she was trying to be seductive and Doug knew he was right when she bent her head and kissed his neck.

'Well' he said, standing up and almost dumping Alicia on the floor, 'I had an early flight, didn't I?'

'You don't have one tomorrow morning' Alicia said, attempting to wrap her arms around his neck but he stepped away quickly.

This time, she didn't miss his attempt to avoid her and her eyebrows came together. 'Doug, what's wrong?' she asked, perching on the corner of his desk.

Doug sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He hated that he had to do this. He had never set out to hurt Alicia but he knew he couldn't go on like he had never seen Carol again. He was foolish to think that after four years he could have gotten over her so easily and their recent encounter confirmed that. It was no use trying to form any sort of relationship with someone, someone who had had their daughter to think of, when he knew his heart would always belong to Carol.

'Things have changed, Alicia, since I left' he said, quietly.

'Changed? Doug you left three days ago. What could have changed?' she asked, folding her arms across her chest.

Doug hesitated. He didn't even know how to say it_. I'm in love with a woman I've haven't seen in four years, except that I just happened to dump into her in Phoenix._ Not likely that Alicia would take that well.

'It's her, isn't it?' Alicia asked suddenly.

Doug looked up at her confused. 'Who?'

'The one you're in love with' she sighed, as if in defeat.

'Doug, it's been obvious since the day we first slept together that you were in love with someone else. I guess I just hoped you'd get over her and want to be with me. And I honestly thought that you had gotten over her after the other day. But it's written all over your face now. It is her, isn't it?' she asked again.

Mutely, Doug nodded.

'Can I ask her name?' Alicia asked. She didn't seem angry or upset, just as if she was giving in.

'Carol' Doug croaked out.

Alicia sighed again and stood up. 'I'm taking it that you met her again in Phoenix?' she asked and when Doug nodded she added, 'Then why come back here?'

Doug almost laughed. Wasn't that the exact same think he had been thinking before Alicia and Eden arrived? He shrugged.

'It's complicated. She lives in Chicago and she has a lot going on right now' he told her, not sure why he was doing so.

Alicia smiled in a sympathetic sort of way. 'And don't you think she'd like your help with whatever is going on right now?' she asked.

When Doug just looked up at her questioningly, she just shook her head. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to Doug's cheek. 'You should be with her. Even I can see you can't stand being away from her now' she said.

Carol's face soared to the front of his mind, anger and fear clear in her expression. Then he saw Zach, playing quietly on the bed as Doug held Carol and told her everything would be okay. He longed to see them, to see them both and make sure they would never be parted. He nodded, trying to hold back a few tears that suddenly stung at his eyes.

Alicia turned and headed for the door.

'Alicia' Doug called at the last minute. She turned. 'I never meant to hurt you.'

She smiled. 'I know' she said simply, then shut the office door behind her as she left.

It took only seconds for Doug to pick up the phone and dial the familiar number. Dr William Mason, Chief of Staff, answered after two rings.

'Will, I need a favour. I need some time off' Doug said, hurriedly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Where We Are **

**Chapter Eighteen**

'It looks empty' Susan stated.

They were parked outside Carol's house, watching to see if Tag was inside. Carol had wanted to come to the house first, to get clothes and some other things they would need before going to the hospital, and Susan had insisted on coming with her. They attempted to leave Zach with Mark but the toddler kicked up such a fuss that they ended up taking him with them.

'Right, let's go, before he comes home or something' Carol said and both woman stepped out of the car. When Carol opened the back door and unbuckled Zach's seat belt, he hopped out of the car and stared, out mouthed, at his home.

'Mommy! Look, it's our house!' he screamed, then ran swiftly up the porch steps and banged on the door, 'Daddy!'

'Great' Carol muttered to herself, then quickly followed Zach up the steps to the door. 'Baby, daddy isn't here right now' she said gently, bending down and taking Zach's little shoulders in her hands.

'Where is he?' Zach asked.

'He's in work. Come in, let's go inside and get some more of your toys' she said. She stood up and unlocked the front door, relieved that her key still worked. She had half expected him to change the locks. Zach gave a squeal of delight once he got inside and immediately darted up the stairs to his bedroom. Carol and Susan entered Carol's bedroom and began to pack more of her clothes. Once they were finished in Carol's room, they moved up the stairs to Zach's. He was playing on the floor with all his toys thrown around the room. He was picking up toy after toy, hugging it, playing with it for a few seconds, then throwing it away to pick up another and repeat the process. Carol smiled and bent down to her son's level.

'Which toys do you want to bring with you?' she asked.

'Bring where?' he replied, cocking his head to one side.

'Back to the hotel?'

'Aren't we staying here?' Zach inquired.

'No, we can't. We have to go back to the hotel. Now, come on, which toys do you want?' Carol asked again.

But Zach had flung himself down on the floor in full tantrum mode, kicking and screaming and banging his fists off the wooden floor. Carol attempted to stop the tantrum but after a few seconds Zach started to scream, 'I want my daddy!'

It was then that Carol realised how much all of this had hurt her son. She felt tears roll down her own cheeks as she watched her son cry for his father. It was heartbreaking and she didn't know what to do to make it better for Zach. Completely breaking down, Carol gathered the toddler into her arms.

I know, baby, I know' she sobbed. She sat back against the dresser, holding her son tightly and cried, cried for the perfect life that had seemed to have and she knew it could never be the same again. She cried for the nights when she and John would put Zach to bed together, read him stories and kiss him goodnight. She cried for the evenings she would sit in John's arms with a glass of wine. She cried for the times John would tell her he loved her. She cried for the times she would watch from the back door as John played with Zach in the garden. But that life was over now and it hurt her to know that she would never get it back. Not now. But she had to make this better for Zach, she just had to.

Susan was sitting beside them, one hand on Carol's shoulders as the nurse shook with tears. Carol was glad she was there but knew it was another's hand she wished was holding her now, and that too hurt, because it could never be like that again.

Eventually, after mother and son had cried themselves dry, Zach sat up in Carol's arms. 'Can I see my daddy?' he asked.

Carol glanced at Susan and then looked back to her son. She wiped away the last of her tears. 'Listen baby, we're never going to live with your daddy again. Daddy and mommy don't love each other anymore but we do love you, okay? And I promise we will always love you. But we have to go now, so can you pick out some toys and I'll pack them and then we can go see Mark again?' Carol requested.

After a few long seconds, Zach nodded and stood up. Carol did too, when to his closet and pulled out some of his clothes, passed them to Susan, who folded and packed them.

'Are you okay?' Susan asked.

Carol took a deep breath. 'I never thought I'd say this, but I think it would be a good idea to let Zach see John. He's only three years old and he doesn't understand why he can't see him. All this has hurt him so much already, if it will help, then maybe it's not such a bad idea' she said.

Susan bit her lip and Carol knew what she was thinking. 'He might be a lot of things and he might have done a lot of things but I know John would never hurt Zach, not physically anyway' she said.

Susan sighed and nodded in agreement. Carol turned back to Zach. 'Are you ready?' she asked.

Zach nodded, holding up a Thomas the Tank Engine train set, a SpongeBob soft toy and a Dora and Diego book. Carol took them, added them to the bags and then picked Zach up.

'Let's go then' she said. She, Zach and Susan left the house quickly. Back in the car, Carol did a U-turn and headed towards County.

...

It was almost dark when they arrived at the hospital. When they came through the doors, Carter, Haleh and Weaver were standing at Admit. With loud screams, Carter and Haleh rushed over to hug Susan, welcoming her back and asking how she had been. Weaver approached Carol and Zach.

'Hey little guy' she said to Zach. Zach hid his face in Carol's neck as a response.

'Zach, don't be rude, say hello to Dr Weaver' Carol told him.

'Hello Dr Weaver' Zach muttered. Kerry smiled, then looked up at Carol.

'How are you?' she asked. She had been truly worried about the nurse in her absence and was glad she had returned to Chicago.

'I'm okay I guess. I went to stay with Susan in Phoenix for a while, like you said I should but I don't think it really helped clear my head. But, really, I'm doing okay. I just came in to talk about work. I'm going to need some time off' Carol said, moving passed the awkward past of the conversation and concentrating on what she came to talk about.

'Of course, that's no problem. How long do you think you'll need?' Kerry asked.

'I'm not sure. Things are a bit messed up right now. Can I let you know?' Carol said.

Kerry nodded. 'No problem. Carol, if there's anything I could do, please let me know' she said.

Like she had before, Carol found it easier to talk to her boss that to her friends and she nodded. 'Thank you, Kerry. That means a lot,' they she turned to Susan. 'Are you ready?'

Susan nodded, promised Carter and Haleh that she would call in again soon and then turned towards the elevators with Carol and Susan. When they emerged on the Psychiatrics floor, Susan stopped Carol.

'Are you sure about this?' she asked.

Carol didn't respond, she turned and walked down the familiar corridor that led to John's office. She tried hard not to think about the last time she had been here, knowing the mental images of what she had seen might cause more tears. Just outside John's office, Carol turned and handed Zach to Susan, then approached the door, took a deep breath and knocked.

'Come in' called that all too familiar voice. Carol opened the door and stepped into the small office.

Everything was as she remembered it. Photographs of her and Zach still sat on his desk, next to his name plate. Even she screensaver was still that photo of the three of them taken at a carnival down at Navy Pier. It was if nothing had happened.

John was sitting in his chair, staring up at his wife, trying to believe that she really stood there. Slowly, he stood up. The silence that hung between them was deafening. After what seemed like a year, John opened his mouth to speak, but Carol beat him to it.

'I'm not here to argue. I'm here to talk about Zach' she said quickly.

It was as if he had not heard her. 'Carol, I'm so sorry' he pleaded.

'You're not sorry, John. If you were sorry you wouldn't be trying to take away the one good thing I have left in my life. But as I said, I'm not here to argue' she snapped, trying to hold back her anger.

John gulped. It was clear he had never anticipated a confrontation with Carol, and now he was lost for words.

'What you've done, to me...to our marriage...to our life together...well I can almost take that. It's hard and there are times I wish we could just start over but I know in my heart there is no going back now. But I will not allow you to break Zach's heart too. No matter what goes on between us, Zach should never have to hurt over it and he has been hurting. It's not fair on him and honestly, I can't watch him cry over you anymore. I'm going to be here in the hospital for another hour. Zach is outside with Susan. If you promise that it would do him good to see you, I'll let him stay with you for the hour. And I'm not saying that I'm not going to fight you at this stupid custody hearing, because I am. Zach is my whole life and I won't lose him, I can't lose him. So, it's up to you. One hour to try and make right what you put wrong in your son's life, or I walk away now and I can promise you will never see him again' Carol got through her speech, her hands shaking.

John nodded hurriedly. 'He can stay. I'll cancel my appointments, anything. Just let him stay with me' he said.

Carol took another deep breath and willed herself not to take back her offer. 'And remember, if you try to run off with him, or do anything stupid, your chances of gaining custody will crumble. You are to stay in this office, you got it?' Carol ordered.

John looked like he was going to argue but thought better of it. Carol turned to the door. Before she opened it, she spoke again, her back still to John. 'I wish things had turned out different and it terrifies me to even consider leaving Zach with you, so please, do this one thing for me. Zach deserves better' she said, then opened the door. Susan was sitting in a chair opposite the door. She stood and passed Zach to Carol who hugged him tightly for a few seconds, then pulled him back to look at him.

'Mommy has some things she needs to do and you're going to stay with daddy for a while, okay?' she asked. She knew she was doing the right thing when the little boy's eyes lit up in excitement and he nodded his head ferociously. Carol forced a smile. She turned and brought Zach back into the office with her.

'DADDY!' Zach shouted, wriggled out of Carol's arms and shot across the room.

John laughed and swung Zach up into the air, then brought him down to hug him tightly. 'I missed you, kiddo' he said.

'I missed you too, daddy' Zach said.

Carol stood by the door, her heart breaking as she watched her son reunite with his father. Quietly, she slipped out the door again, right into Susan's arms where she sobbed until her eyes hurt.

They returned to the ER, hoping to find some sort of distraction while Carol waited for Zach. And they did. Mark was waiting for them. Susan's eyes lit up when she saw him and she ran to hug him. Some of the staff watched with smiling faces, but to them, Susan and Mark were seeing each other for the first time in over a year. They didn't know what happened in Phoenix.

When Carol joined the two, surprisingly Mark shot her the biggest smile she had seen in days. She knew something was up right away but didn't have the energy to consider what it was.

'What's wrong?' Mark asked, resting a hand on Carol's shoulder.

Susan answered for her. 'She just dropped Zach off at Tag's office' she told him.

Comprehension dawned on Mark and he pulled Carol closer as another tear leaked out if her eye. She brushed it away impatiently.

'What are you so smiley about anyway?' she asked.

'Well, there's someone who wants to see you' Mark said. Carol's eyebrows came together as Mark took her hand and led her towards the lounge. He pushed open the door and Carol looked around the room.

Her heart stopped in her chest and her breath caught in her throat. Tears blurred her eyes again. All her questions were answered in a flash and for just a few seconds, her problems had disappeared.

He stood and smiled that smile at her and she felt her knees trembled. She felt as if she was twenty-three years old again and falling in love for the first time. A laugh escaped her lips, a genuinely happy laugh.

She dashed across the room and into his open arms, tears now running freely down her cheeks.

'I missed you so much' she whispered.

I missed you, too' Doug murmured back, his heart rejoicing as he held the woman he loved, wishing he never had to let go, ever.


	19. Chapter 19

**Where We Are **

**Chapter Nineteen**

Thirty minutes of John's allotted hour with Zach had past, and Doug and Carol still sat in the lounge. They had sat in silence for a long time, not an awkward silence, but a comfortable one, both glad they were able to hold each other again. Carol had stopped wrestling with her emotions and had admitted that having Doug around is what was holding her together. However, that was as far as her emotions would let her go. She couldn't yet admit that she still had feelings for him, that she still loved him. It had been only a little over a week since her marriage had crumbled and her heart wouldn't allow the crossover just yet. But she knew that sometime, and maybe sometime soon, she would confess her love for Doug, but it would be after her divorce was finalised and when Zach was hers forever.

Having Doug back shed some light on what was coming. She could see herself coming through it now because she had Doug back in her life. And somehow, she knew that Doug would not leave again, that this time, he was back in her life for good. The thought made her smile and a little bubble of hope had grown in her chest and she carried like a talisman, now sure that everything would turn out okay for her.

'What made you decide to come here?' Carol spoke, breaking the silence.

'Honestly?' he asked, Carol nodded, 'It was this woman I had kind of been seeing on and off for a while. As soon as I left you at the airport, I regretted it, but how I could fix it? You were gone and I just told myself I had to accept it. But then I got back to DC this morning. I had some appointments scheduled and the first one was the little girl of the woman I had been seeing, Eden was her name. I've been treating her for over two years. After I checked Eden over, she left with a nurse and Alicia, her mother, kind of tried it on with me. I kept trying to dodge her because I knew it was you I wanted to be with. Eventually she figured out what was wrong. She told me she knew I was in love with someone else and that I should go to you. And I did, straight away. I rang my boss and asked for time off. He refused but I left anyway and came straight here.'

Carol was smiling. Doug had said he was in love with her. And she liked it, a lot. It didn't even annoy her that he was talking about being with another woman.

'What?' he asked, watching her smile grow wider.

She shook her head. 'Nothing. I'm just really glad you're here' she said.

'Mark said you guys checked into a hotel last night. I still have my old apartment here and you and Zach are welcome to stay with me' he said. When Carol raised her eyebrows, he chuckled and added, 'I'll sleep on the couch, of course.'

Carol smiled. 'I'd like that. And I think Zach would too' she said.

'Where is Zach anyway?' Doug asked.

Carol's smile slipped away. 'He's with John' she admitted. She saw the anger flash across Doug's face. 'He was crying for his dad, Doug, and what's going on between us doesn't mean Zach should suffer. It's only for an hour, which is almost over. I've to pick him up in twenty minutes' she said.

Doug sighed. Carol smiled. 'So, you think you get to be protective of my son now too, huh?' she asked, sarcastically, nudging him.

Doug smiled too. 'Well, it's kind of a package deal, isn't it?' Carol smiled again.

Just then the door of the lounge burst open.

'Do my ears deceive me or is Doug Ross actually back at County?' Peter Benton asked. Doug and Carol both smiled and stood.

'Peter' Doug said, shaking the surgeon's hand.

'What are you doing back here, man?' Peter asked.

When Doug's eyes slid over to Carol, Peter smiled, 'Never mind' he said. 'Now, I would leave you two alone, but I would guess it's going to be about thirty seconds before someone else barges in. Everyone is dying to see you, Doug.'

Doug sighed dramatically but smiled. 'Well then let's go see some old friends' he said. Carol smiled in agreement and all three left the lounge. A swarm of doctors and nurse engulfed them straight away and Carol, as happy as she felt now, slipped away, trying to avoid questions. No one but Weaver knew what was happening with John.

She leaned against the Admit desk and watched as Doug greeted old friends and colleagues. She didn't notice that Peter was with her until he spoke.

'You two back together?' he asked, leaning against the desk next to her.

'No' Carol replied simply.

Peter smiled and said, 'Good, because I was under the impression you were married.'

Carol lowered her head and didn't reply. Peter didn't miss her reaction and he sighed.

'Carol, you know I'm not one to butt into other people's business but nobody has missed the fact that you disappeared a few days ago. And now you show up here with Doug? People are going to asking questions' he warned her.

She sighed. 'I know' she said.

'So, those sutures look like they could come out now. Why don't we go down to the suture room and I'll take them out. That way you can avoid those questions' Peter suggested.

Carol smiled. She was grateful for the excuse Peter was giving her to leave and she took him up on his offer. They left the admit area, walked down the corridor and into the empty suture room.

Peter set to work in silence, removing the few sutures on Carol's face. When the last one was out, Peter looked at Carol. 'You walk into a pole or something?' he asked, smirking.

'No, my husband's fist actually' she let slip. As Peter had worked, she became anxious to get back to Zach, knowing that if John got word that Doug was here, it could cause her more problems. She hadn't anticipated the question and answered without thinking.

'He hit you?' Peter asked, incredulously. Carol nodded.

'So that's why you disappeared?' Peter said. Again, Carol nodded.

'I'm really sorry, Carol. If there's anything I can do' he said.

'Thanks Peter, but I'm okay. How's little Reese doing?' she asked.

Peter smiled at the mention of his son. 'He's great. Nearly two years old already.'

'Don't remind me. We share a birthday remember. The closer Reese gets to a year older, I do too' Carol said, smiling again. Peter chuckled.

Both of them stood up. 'Thanks Peter' Carol said, gesturing to her face.

'No problem' he assured her.

They left the suture room and rejoined the group gather around Doug. It had quietened since Peter and Carol had left. Only Carter, Jeanie, Haleh, Chuny and Malik remained. Susan and Mark were there too. Peter joined them, told Doug he'd talk to again before he left and was walking away when someone shouted loudly, 'Doug!'

Carol watched as her son darted into the crowd around Doug, Doug swung the youngster up into his arms and offered him his hand in a high five, which Zach returned, giggling loudly. Then Carol's eyes travelled back up the corridor until she spotted John, staring down at the man holding his son, a murderous glint in his eyes.

* * *

_**AN:** Just three more chapters left :) _


	20. Chapter 20

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Twenty**

'JOHN! STOP!' Carol shouted, running to place herself between John and Doug as John advance on who he saw as his rival.

'Get your hands off my boy!' John roared at Doug, who only seemed to notice John's presence since Carol had shouted. Doug looked at Carol fearfully as she stood between him and Tag, afraid that he would lash out at her again. But he knew Carol wouldn't want Zach near Tag when he was angry. He was frozen in place, unsure of what he should do.

John was beside Carol now, wrestling to get past her but she stood her ground. She would not let him near Zach like this.

'John, please, stop!' she begged, pushing against her husband's chest but he didn't seem to notice.

'I mean it, Ross! Let go of my son!' he shouted again. Susan ran to Doug's side and quickly took the child into her arms.

'Why is my daddy shouting?' Zach asked, his voice wavering. Susan didn't reply as Mark came to stand next to them. Doug was standing in front of them and Mark placed one hand on his shoulder, as if to restrain him, but Doug had no intention of moving out of the way and letting Tag get near Zach.

Carol was still trying to hold John back. Peter, who had stopped as Zach and John had arrived on the scene, and now stood close enough to the angry psychiatrist, approached him.

'Come on, man, back off. You're scaring the kid' Peter said to John but he wasn't listening.

'I knew it! It was him you wanted all along! And look, you ran off to be with him at the first sight of trouble between us. I bet you've been waiting for years for an excuse to run back to him' John shouted at Carol, who looked as if he had just hit her again.

'Yeah, John, of course. I was just waiting for you to punch me and tear my life apart so I could run back to Doug' she shouted back sarcastically.

It happened so quickly that neither Carol nor Peter had time to react. John raised his head and pulled it full force across Carol's face. Her hair swung out as her head turned with the force of a slap. Everyone reacted as one. Peter grabbed Tag and shoved him up against the wall, just in time for Doug to punch him in the face. Tag pushed Doug away and swung a punch of his own. Mark and Carter moved forward to help separate them. Susan dropped Zach into a chair behind her and ran to Carol, who was already sobbing on Jeanie's shoulder.

Doug and Tag were still locked in a full brawl in the corridor. Carol shoved away from Susan and Jeanie and ran right into the middle of the fight, forcing the men apart. Both women were quick to follow. Carter tightened his grip on Tag and pulled him back. Peter and Mark, each with a hand on Doug's shoulders did the same.

'Don't do this in front of Zach!' Carol screamed. Instantly, Doug relaxed and stopped fighting against Mark and Peter's grip. Carol turned to face her husband. 'Please, you're scaring him' she said. John was breathing deeply, sporting both a bleeding nose and lip.

Doug moved from under his friend's grip and approached Carol. Placing a hand under her chin, her turned her head and inspected the angry red handprint on her left cheek. Her newly healed cut from Tag's first punch had opened and was bleeding again.

But once Doug's hand touched Carol, Tag shoved against Carter's grip again, breaking free and knocking into Doug, sending him colliding into Carol and both of them knocked up against the wall. Doug spun around but met Tag's fist. Carter and Peter moved to restrain Tag again but every hand that touched him he knocked away. However, unseen by anyone, Zach had left his chair and wandering into the middle of the fight. As the toddler touched Tag's arm, Tag swung out and his hand met the chest of the three year old boy. Zach was knocked off his feet and skidded three feet down the hall and his head knocked against the wheel of a gurney.

Carol let out a heart wrenching scream and ran to her son's side, Doug and Mark hot on her heels. The little boy was unconscious and a deep cut on the back of his head oozed blood. Carol dropped to her knees and took her son into her arms, begging him to wake up.

Everyone else had frozen around them and Tag looked more than horrified when he realised he had struck his own son.

'Carol, give him to me, let me check him over' Doug said quietly as Carol sobbed, close to hyperventilating. She allowed Doug to take Zach from her arms and he rushed away with him to one of the trauma rooms. Mark sprinted after them.

Carol slumped on the floor, still crying and unable to bring herself under control. Susan dropped to her knees beside her and hugged the nurse, trying to hold back her own tears.

'Carol' John croaked. Carter and Peter had him shoved against the wall again and showed no signs of letting him go. Carol's head snapped up as she heard him utter her name.

He looked scared and apologetic. His face had gone completely white, he was trembling, but Carol just stared at him with as much hate as was humanly possible.

'I'm sorry' he pleaded.

Carol pushed away from Susan, got to her feet and ran at John. She slapped and punched at him with every bit of energy she had left. No one moved to stop her.

'I hate you! Look what you've done! My poor baby!' she wailed with every punch.

Eventually, she ran out of steam and slumped against him, sobbing uncontrollably. He raised his hands and gently placed them on her shoulders. At his touch, Carol shoved away from him. She didn't say anything, she didn't do anything. She just walked away.

'Carol' John called after her.

She turned at the entrance to the trauma room. She fixed John with a death stare and spoke loud, clear and even. 'Never, ever, come anywhere near me or _my_ son again.'

Then she pushed open the trauma room doors and approached Zach's side.

'He's fine. Just a little concussion' Doug said straight away. As he said it, Zach groaned and his eyes fluttered open. Carol took his little hand in hers and squeezed tight. He smiled sleepily at her.

Doug approached Carol and laid his hands on her shoulders. She rested her head on his hand and he smiled. Quietly, Mark slipped out of the room.

'Thank you' Carol whispered. She turned her hand and pressed a kiss into Doug's hand. When she raised her head, Doug brushed his fingers lightly across her cheek.

'I can't believe this has happened. Me is one thing, but to actually hit his own child' Carol muttered, brushing away the last of her tears.

'Sshh...It's going to be alright now. Everything's going to be alright' Doug whispered. Carol leaned her head back to rest against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

They sat there, the three of them, for hours, unmoving, as Zach dozed in and out of consciousness.

* * *

_**AN:** Two more to go :) _


	21. Chapter 21

**Where We Are**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_Two Weeks Later._

Zach had left the hospital the morning after the fight, as loud and hyper as usual. He and Carol moved into Doug's flat. As he had promised, Doug slept on the couch while Carol and Zach shared the large double bed. Susan was living with Mark. They had announced they were officially a couple a few days after the fight at the hospital. Rachel was ecstatic upon hearing the news.

No one had heard from John. According to Weaver, he had handed in his resignation from the hospital the day following the fight and hadn't been seen since. Now Carol lay in bed, beside a peacefully sleeping Zach, wondering what her meeting with Jen the following morning would bring.

It was just passed three in the morning when her door creaked open and Doug stuck his head in. 'Still awake?' he guessed.

'Yeah' Carol replied. Then she patted the empty space beside her. Doug tiptoed across the room and lay down next to her, taking her small hand in his.

'It's going to be okay, you know' he told Carol. She moved to rest her head on his shoulder.

'Hopefully' was all Carol could say on the subject. She was worrying about what Jen would say and nothing Doug said could comfort her.

'You know what I wish' she said after a few minutes silence, 'I wish I had of chose you all those years ago'.

'Don't say that Carol' Doug told her, shaking his head.

'It's true' Carol insisted.

'No it's not. Because if you had of chose me, you wouldn't have Zach. He's an amazing kid, Carol, and even though your marriage didn't work out, you got him out of it. He's your bright side in all of this. He really is amazing, just like his mom' Doug told her.

Carol half smiled. 'Thank you. And I'm sorry it has to be this way. I'm just not ready' she replied.

'I know, you don't have to worry. I'll be here waiting. I was always here waiting' he assured her.

Carol pushed herself up on one elbow and looked down into the face of the man she knew she truly loved. 'I don't know how I would have gotten through any of this without you, Doug' she said.

He smiled. 'Then lucky for you I'm not going anywhere.'

'You know what I imagine sometimes? When I'm watching Zach sleep, or washing the dishes or just lying in bed. I imagine what this could turn out to be. I win the custody battle. We move in here permanently. I get divorced and we get back together. You become the dad that Zach has never had. And we have children of our own. That's what I want to happen, Doug. I want to be with you. But everything is so messed up now that imagining that gets harder everyday' Carol said in a whisper.

Doug sat up too. He brushed his fingers across Carol's cheek and smiled. 'I want all of that too. And it will happen. This isn't going to carry on forever. Soon, you'll have all that and more' he told her.

'And you'll wait?' she asked.

Doug nodded. 'I'll wait' he confirmed.

Carol hesitated, then slowly leaned in a pressed a kiss to Doug's lips. It was gently and loving and soft. Their first kiss in five years and it was everything they both had hoped it would be. 'I love you' Carol whispered to him.

Doug stayed with her that night. She lay curled against his side and fell into a peaceful sleep. Doug's fingers ran through her hair. It would have been a perfect night, had the fear of what tomorrow would bring wasn't hanging over them.

...

They all sat in Doug's living room. Carol was curled up at the end of the couch with Zach in her arms. Doug sat beside them, Carol's hand in his. Mark, Susan and Jen sat and stood around them.

'So?' Carol asked.

'He's dropped the case. He's not going to fight for custody anymore' Jen said.

Carol was breathless with relief. Zach was hers. She would never ever have to let him go.

'Are you sure?' she asked, though already she was smiling.

Jen smiled too. 'I'm sure. He got in contact with his attorney only yesterday. He said he didn't want to fight you for custody anymore, but the divorce would still go ahead if you agreed. But now, he's offering everything to you. He doesn't want anything, the house, the car, nothing. He said he'll sign the divorce papers without any arguments, whatever you want is yours' Jen explained.

Carol couldn't believe that he had just given up like that. She knew it was the guilt of having struck his own son but Carol was glad. It meant that he would never bother them again and she was free to live her life just as she had imagined it.

'Did he say where he is?' she asked. That was the last thing she needed to know. He hadn't even packed any of his things from the house, because Carol had been there and no one had seen him since that awful day.

'No, but he did want you to know that he won't ever bother you again. The divorce papers will go through his attorney and because he's agreed not to fight it, you won't have to go to court or anything' Jen assured her.

Carol was silent as she let that sink in. It was all over. The nightmare she had been living in for so long had finally ended. She could feel the joy and happiness building up in her. She and Zach were free to live their lives...with Doug...and John would never bother her again. She glanced over at Doug and found him smiling at her.

'Well, I think this is cause for a celebration' Mark said, clapping his hands together. Susan and Jen laughed. He stood and went to Doug's refrigerator and took out the only drink that was in there, a bottle of Sprite. He poured in into five glasses and brought them to the others.

'To Carol and Zach!... And Doug, of course' Mark called. The others chanted after him and Carol found herself laughing away with the rest of them.

It was finally over.

Later that day, Jen passed Carol the divorce papers her office had just faxed through. Carol signed them and they were sent over to John's attorney's office without delay.

Once the others had left and Zach was asleep, Doug and Carol sat together on the couch, both feeling rather giddy to have that cloud that had hung over them for so long finally gone.

'So, you're officially back to Miss Hathaway' Doug said, playing with her fingers.

'Sure am' Carol replied, grinning widely.

'So when are you going to become Mrs Ross?' he asked.

Carol laughed loudly. 'What, you're proposing?' she teased.

Doug laughed too. 'Maybe not right now. But someday I will' he promised.

Carol smiled. 'And someday, I'll say yes. I can't guarantee it will be the same day you ask though' she said.

'Oh ha ha' Doug said sarcastically and nudged her. Carol laughed.

They sat in silence for a long time, Doug's arms wrapped around Carol as she cuddled into him. When Doug eventually broke the silence, he had changed the subject.

'It's Christmas in three weeks. Let's go all out. Give Zach the most wonderful Christmas of his life' he said.

Carol smiled. 'I think that is a very good idea' she agreed. She reached up and kissed Doug. it was different than the one from the night before. It was more passionate. Soon both had to pull away to catch their breath.

'I love you so much, Carol' Doug murmured in her ear.

She smiled. 'I love you, too.'

* * *

_**AN:** Aww...Isn't it just so perfect :) Okay so basically that's the end of the story. There will be one more chapter, not so much an Epilogue, more like little snapshots from Doug and Carol's new life together over the next year. I think there's six different snap-shots, all based on significant days over the year - Christmas, Valentine's Day, Carol's birthday...you see where I'm going with this? :) I was going to wait until tomorrow to post it but at this point I just want it out of the way (Today we got landed with two more projects in college so I need to get this story finished, once and for all!) so I'll post it later tonight...Once I get a review for this chapter, of course :)_

_Thanks so much for all the kind reviews I've got :)_

_One more to go! _


	22. Happily Ever After

_**So this is it, guys...The last chapter of Where We Are :) I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did!**_

**Where We Are**

**Happily Ever After**

_**December 25****th****, 1998**_

'Are your eyes closed?' Doug asked.

'Yes, Doug! Now tell me what's going on?' Carol said, impatiently.

Doug laughed. 'Not yet. Zach, you got your eyes closed, buddy?'

'Yep' Zach answered. He was sitting in the back seat of the car, his little hands clamped over his eyes.

'Doug, what in God's name is going on?' Carol asked, swinging her hand out blindly and catching Doug right in the chest.

'Just hang on one more minute. And stop hitting me!' Doug replied.

Carol exhaled impatiently and crossed her arms across her chest. Doug chuckled again.

'So help me, Doug Ross if you don't tell me-' but just then, the tyres squealed as the car came to a stop.

'We're here' Doug said. He looked over at Carol, her eyes still shut, her expression both impatient and curious. He smiled. 'I'll help you out, hang on' he said. He got out of the car, ran around the other side and opened Carol's door. He took her hand and guided her out of the car.

'Hang on, I have to get Zach' Doug said, then. He checked Carol's eyes were still closed, then opened the back door.

'Where are we?' Zach asked, his hands still firmly over his eyes, as Doug unbuckled the seat belt and lifted the toddler into his arms.

'It's a secret' Doug whispered and Zach giggled.

'Doug!' Carol called.

'Alright, alright' he held Zach tightly in one hand and wrapped his other hand around Carol's shoulder.

'Ready?' he asked.

'Yes!' Carol and Zach said together. Carol sounded exasperated, Zach sounded excited.

'Okay then, open your eyes' Doug said and both complied.

Carol stared at the house in front of them. Nothing extravagant, a small white house, with a blue door and matching blue shutters. A porch wrapped right around it, a small swing seat sat to the front. It was snow covered and looked rather picturesque. The last thing Carol saw was a "For Sale" sign in the centre of the garden. Furthermore, a small sign saying "Sale Agreed" was stapled to it.

Carol's head whipped around to stare at Doug. He was smiling at her, waiting.

'You bought us a house?' she asked, unsure.

'Don't be ridiculous! I didn't buy it... Santa Claus gave it to us' Doug said. Zach gasped and his eyes lit up.

'Santa gave us a house?' he asked, incredulously.

Doug nodded. 'And you get first choice of bedroom' he told the little boy.

Zach cheered, wriggled out of Doug's arms and ran up the little garden path, up the porch steps and flung open the front door. Doug and Carol could hear him stamping his way up the stairs.

Carol was still in shock. She turned to Doug again, silently asking for answers.

'Well, we can't live in my flat forever, Zach needs a proper bedroom, not the living room couch. Plus, you sold your house. And as soon as I spotted this one, I knew you'd love it. So I bought it on the spot' Doug explained.

Carol smiled and wrapped her arms around Doug's neck. 'You are the most wonderful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And I love you' she said.

Doug chuckled. 'Do you want to see inside?' he asked. Carol grinned and nodded.

_**February 14****th****, 1999**_

'Carol! Phone!' Jerry called from the Admit desk to Carol in Curtain Area 1.

Carol smiled at her patient, an old and frail lady with emphysema. 'I'll be back in one second, Mrs Rodriguez, you just keep that mask on' she told the old lady. Then she stood, snapped off her gloves, threw them in a bin and went to the phone.

'Hello?' she said.

'I just called...to say...' Doug's voice sang down the phone.

Carol laughed, loudly.

'...I love you.'

'You're crazy you know that?' Carol said, still smiling.

'That may be...but it's Valentine's Day. I'm allowed' Doug said.

'Uh-huh, right. So how are my two men doing without me?' Carol asked.

'Oh we're doing fine. I've had to crawl around the house with Zach on my back about a million times while he yelled 'Giddy-up, horsey!', watch about fifty re-runs of SpongeBob SquarePants, make a dozen batches of waffles and we've been to the park twice. I'm telling you, he's going to be out like a light for your mom tonight' Doug told her.

'My mom? What are you talking about?' she asked.

'Oh did I forget to mention that I'm whisking you off to a fabulously expensive restaurant to wine and dine you' Doug said, laughing.

'Eh...yeah, you kind of forgot that alright' Carol replied, smiling.

'Well, I am. So don't be late home' he ordered.

'Yes sir. Now I needed to get back to my patient. See you later' Carol told him.

'Okay...one more thing though' Doug said.

Carol sighed. 'What?'

'And I need you from the bottom of my heart' Doug sang.

Carol laughed again. 'Goodbye, Doug!' she said loudly and hung up.

_**April 23****rd****, 1999**_

'Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to Mommy, Happy birthday to you!' Zach sang loudly as he entered his mother's bedroom at 6.30 in the morning.

Carol woke suddenly and sat up. Doug was standing in the doorway, Zach in his arms, who was holding a small cake with enough candles on to burn down the house. She smiled.

Doug set Zach carefully on his feet and the three year old made his way slowly to the bedside. 'Happy birthday, mommy!' he said, grinning widely.

'Thank you, baby' Carol said, she leaned across the bed and kissed Zach's forehead.

'Blow out your candles! Make a wish' Zach commanded.

Carol laughed, took a deep breath and blew out all the candles.

'What you wish for?' Zach asked immediately.

'Nothing. I have everything I want right here' Carol replied, running her fingers through the boy's hair. Doug smiled and came to lie down next to Carol. He wrapped his arms around her and planted a kiss on her bare shoulder.

Carol looked down at the cake. 'You didn't actually have to put on the right amount of candles' she complained, though she was smiling still.

Zach's eyes almost popped out of his head and Doug chucked. 'Mommy...you're fifty?' Zach asked.

'Cheeky monkey' Carol said and gently hit him with a pillow.

Doug laughed again. 'He is right, though. There's fifty candles on the cake' he told Carol.

'Why in the world would you put on fifty?' Carol asked, looking over her shoulder to see Doug smiling.

'That's what was in the pack and Zach insisted on putting them all on' he said. Zach giggled.

Carol shook her head and laughed too.

'Mommy, can we go see Reese today? It's his birthday too' Zach asked.

'Maybe...if you behave' Carol told him.

Zach rolled his eyes. 'I always behave' he said, looking at his mother as if she was crazy. Doug and Carol laughed.

'Go get dressed then' Carol said and Zach shot out of the room. Carol rolled over and cuddled into Doug's side.

'We need to talk about something' she said.

Doug noticed the change in the voice and looked down at her with concern. 'What's up?' he asked.

'Well, I know it's really soon and everything and I hope you'll be okay with it. I mean, I kind of freaked out a little when I found out but I think we'll be okay-'

'Carol stop babbling and tell me' Doug said, sitting up on the bed. Carol did the same.

'I know it's _my_ birthday but I sort of have a present for you too' she said. Doug's eyebrows came together.

'I'm pregnant' she spat out quickly, then bit her lip, waiting.

Doug's expression was unreadable, his light brown eyes downcast. He raised a hand and ran it through his hair. Not a good sign. So she pushed on.

'I saw Dr Coburn and she said I'm about nine to ten weeks. I guess that makes it around Valentines's that I...well...conceived-' but Doug cut her off there. He finally lifted his head and and when their eyes met, Carol's voice trailed off. He smiled.

'I think that is the best present I've ever received' he said.

Carol smiled and leaned in to kiss him. Doug laughed. 'A baby...wow. I'm going to be a father' he whispered, disbelievingly.

Carol giggle and looked up at him. 'You're already a father. And you're great at it. And this baby is so lucky to have a daddy like you' she said.

Doug smiled, happily. 'I love you, Carol' he said, then leaned in to kiss her again.

_**May 11****th****, 1999**_

'What happened?' Doug asked as he burst into the exam room. Carol was lying on the gurney, one arm above her head, her stomach showing.

Dr Elizabeth Corday was sitting beside Carol, guiding the ultra sound across the nurse's stomach.

'I was bleeding a little' Carol said, nervously. She was as white as a ghost and Doug feared the worst. He ran around the bed, opposite Elizabeth and took Carol's hand.

'Is the baby okay?' Doug asked Elizabeth.

'Hang on' Elizabeth said, staring at the screen. Doug moved so he could see it. Carol closed her eyes and groaned.

Doug's mouth fell open. 'Is that what I think it is?' he asked.

Elizabeth grinned. 'Yes it is' she confirmed. Doug felt lightheaded with both relief and shock.

'What is it?' Carol asked, opening her eyes and raising her head to see the screen. Elizabeth pointed to a small pulsing dark spot on the screen.

'There's the heartbeat' she said.

'Oh thank god!' Carol sighed, resting her head back on the pillow again.

'And there's the other heartbeat' Elizabeth added. Carol's head snapped back up.

'What?...There's two?' she asked. Doug's hand tightened on hers. 'Twins?' she asked, so shocked the word was barely audible, her head whipped back and forth between the two.

Elizabeth grinned and nodded. 'Twins' she confirmed.

Carol looked over to Doug who looked as shocked as her. 'Twins?' she asked again. Only this time she didn't sound as if she didn't believe it. More like "How are we going to manage twins and a four year old?"

Doug smiled. 'Don't worry. We'll be fine' he assured her. Carol's head flopped back down on the pillow.

'Twins!' she breathed, still shocked. Doug chuckled.

'Congratulations' Elizabeth said. She stood up, wiped the gel off Carol's stomach, pulled down her top and left the room.

'Twins' Carol said again and Doug smiled and squeezed her hand again. They looked at each other and both smiled.

_**November 3****rd****, 1999**_

Screams and bangs issued loudly from the living room where Zach, Rachel, Little Susie, Reese and ten other children from Zach's new pre-school were playing. All the adults were gathered in the kitchen.

'How long have you left now?' Mark asked Carol.

'A week, thank god. I thought Zach was hard enough. Do you know how uncomfortable carrying two babies is' Carol replied. Everyone laughed.

'I'd say Zach is looking forward to having little brothers or sisters' Susan said.

'You have no idea. Every morning he runs into our room and shouts "Are the babies here yet?" I think we're going to have to put a lock on that door!' Doug said. Carol nudged him but smiled.

'Have you guys picked out names?' Peter asked.

'Well we have three boys names that we can agree on which are Braden, Emmet and Daniel but we can only agree on one girls name, that's Tess' Doug answered.

'So if we have two girls, one might go unnamed for a little while' Carol added and everyone laughed.

Just then Zach rushed into the room holding a blue envelope in his hand. 'Mommy, we were playing in the garden and I found this in the post box' he said, handing Carol the envelope.

"Zachary Tagilieri" was written on it. The address was that of the old house Carol had sold almost a year ago. The current owners had forwarded it to their current address, but Carol knew who it was from by looking at the handwriting on the first address. It was from John.

Zach had already left the room again, so Carol opened it. Doug leaned in and read it over her shoulder.

'To my dearest son, Zachary. Happy 4th Birthday. I love you, Daddy.' One hundred dollars lay inside.

Without even thinking, Carol ripped it up and threw it in the trash, money and all. She didn't want anything from John. If she had her way she would never even think about him ever again. This was the first contact he had made in almost a year and Carol hoped it would be the last.

Nobody commented on her actions and soon everyone was chatting amongst themselves again.

That night, when Zach was asleep and Carol and Doug were in bed, Carol turned to Doug.

'I want to change Zach's name' she said, without preamble.

'Has he been asked you to call him SpongeBob again?' Doug asked, laughing slightly.

'No I mean his last name. I don't want him to be Tagilieri anymore. Every time I write his name I think of _him_ and I don't want to' Carol explained.

'Oh right' Doug said and he sat up in the bed, 'So you're going to change it to Hathaway?'

Carol hesitated, then pushed on. 'I don't want him to be Hathaway either. Your Ross, the twins will be Ross, someday, I'll be Ross too' she paused and considered Doug's expression. 'I think, when we're registering the twins you should adopt Zach. Then his name will be Ross too' she finished.

Doug was silent as he considered that. Eventually he looked up and smiled. 'I would love to adopt Zach' he said.

_**November 25****th****, 1999 (Thanksgiving)**_

'Doug, your making a mess!' Carol laughed, as Doug hacked away at the turkey on the table.

Mark, Susan and Rachel were over for Thanksgiving dinner and so far, it had been a happy and stress-free day. Carol was a week overdue on the twins and it had become almost impossible for her to move, so Doug had done everything in preparation for the holiday, with a little help from Zach.

'Move over, Doug, before we all starve to death' Mark said, standing up and taking the carving knifes from Doug, who laughed and sat down beside Carol.

Mark carved the turkey without any problems, much to Doug's displeasure, and the children's amusement. Doug loaded up Carol's plate for her and had just placed in front of her when a shooting pain seized Carol's oversized belly and she gasped.

'What is it?' Doug, Mark and Susan all asked at the same time.

'Just a little cramp. I'm fine' Carol assured them. They all went back to their meal.

A few minutes later, the pain started again, causing Carol to gasp loudly again. This time, it lasted a little longer and everyone was silent until the pain passed. Then Doug got up and crouched beside her, placing a hand on her stomach. 'Is it the twins?' he asked.

Carol nodded, breathlessly. She couldn't believe this was happening now. Suddenly, she felt a wetness between her legs. She looked over at Doug who was gazing at her, concerned.

'Doug, we need to go to the hospital. My waters broke' she said calmly.

Everyone rushed into action. Soon Carol was in the back of Mark's car, Doug beside her, Susan, Rachel and Zach were waving from the front door. Mark got into the car, slammed on the accelerator and pulled away from the curb.

...

'It's a girl!' Doug shouted, tears of happiness running down his face. They were in Trauma 1, having not had the time to make it upstairs to OB. The first baby was impatient, causing Doug to step in and deliver their daughter.

'Show her to me' Carol gasped and Doug placed the baby on her chest. Carol looked into the beautiful brown eyes of her daughter and cried. 'Hello, Tess' she whispered. She looked up at Doug who looked rather dazed, a stupid grin on his face.

'Congratulations, Carol' Mark said, coming closer to see Tess. 'She's beautiful.'

'Give her here, I'll clean her up' Doug said and unwillingly, Carol passed her daughter back to her father. He smiled down at the bundle of joy in his arms and whispered, 'Hi Tess. I'm your daddy.' Carol watched, her heart ready to burst with joy. She had a daughter. Zach had a sister. They were a family.

Without warning, another pain gripped Carol and she moaned loudly. Doug was about to come closer, when Mark placed a hand on his arm. 'Take care of Tess. I'll check her' he offered. Doug nodded and Mark smiled.

'Already? She can't be coming already' Carol breathed deeply. After the birth of her first daughter, she had no doubt that she would soon have another.

Mark smiled. 'Well she is. Now on the next contraction, start pushing' Mark told her.

...

A few minutes later, Mark placed a second baby on Carol's chest, another girl, like she had expected. Doug and Tess stood at her shoulder, smiling down at the little girl in Carol's arms. Mark stood up and smiled.

'So, she needs a name? Tess needs to know her little sister's name' Mark said, gently, smiling.

Carol looked down at her daughter, and shrugged. 'We never decided on a second girl's name' she said. Doug smiled. He bent down and pressed a kiss to his daughter's head.

Carol looked back up at her oldest friend. He had been there from the very start, never letting her down and now, he had safely delivered her baby. 'You name her' she said.

Mark looked surprised. Carol looked up to Doug, checking with him and he nodded. 'You're our best friend, Mark' Doug said simply.

'Well, I don't know what to call her' Mark said, shrugging his shoulders.

Carol thought back. Mark's mom had died recently, a few months ago. She, Doug and Susan had gone with him to San Diego for the funeral. She knew how heartbroken Mark had been when his mother passed away, especially because his relationship with his father wasn't a very strong one.

'What was your mother's name?' Carol asked.

'Ruth' Mark replied. He laughed slightly when Carol pressed her lips together and looked at Doug.

'Middle name Katherine' he offered.

Carol's head snapped back to him. 'Kate!' she exclaimed. Mark smiled. When Carol looked around at Doug, he smiled in agreement. Carol looked back down at her baby, sleeping soundly in her arms.

'Hi, Kate' she whispered.

'Thanks, Carol' Mark said quietly.

Carol shook her head. 'No, Mark, thank you.'

...

'Who'd have thought, huh?' Doug said into the tranquil quietness of the night.

Carol smiled a tired smile. Inside she felt peaceful, happy and above all, incredibly lucky to have what she did. She sat in the bed, holding Kate close to her. Zach was snoozing beside her, his head against her shoulder. Doug sat on the chair beside her bed, cradling Tess and smiling at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

'Yeah' Carol sighed in agreement.

To think that just a year before, she had been married to someone else, struggling through each day and asking herself what would happen. What had happened was something she had never anticipated, but now, she felt oddly pleased that it had all happened. For it had led her to Doug, led her to a better life and led her to give birth to two beautiful baby girls. Now, there was not one thing in her life that she would change, not for the world.

Doug looked up at Carol, still smiling. 'You have made me the happiest man on this earth. Thank you so much for that' he whispered. She smiled in reply.

Doug looked back down at his daughter. 'I hope you know that you will not be dating until you're at least thirty...maybe even more' he whispered to the sleeping baby.

'I can't believe we've come this far, made it through all we have and are sitting here with three beautiful children. This...this is where we are supposed to be. And I promise you, I'm going to do my best to make sure all four of you have the wonderful life that you deserve' Doug said quietly.

Tears came to Carol's eyes as she stared into Doug's light brown ones, that matched their daughters perfectly.

Tomorrow they were going to register Tess Helen Ross and Kate Sarah Ross, and begin proceedings for their little boy to become Zachary Ethan Ross. Then possibly make plans for Carol to become Mrs Ross. They were a family now and nobody was ever going to ruin their happiness again. Doug leaned across, careful not to wake Tess and pressed a kiss to Carol's forehead.

'I love you' he whispered.

'I love you, too' Carol replied.

_Where We Are,  
Is where we're supposed to be,  
Where We Are,  
Keeps the breath in me,  
Where We've Been,  
Risen from the day,  
Where We're Now,  
None can tear us apart,  
That's Where We Are._

* * *

_**AN:** So, that's it guys! Where We Are is complete! Of course, it's not a perfect Doug/Carol story without Tess and Kate now is it? ;)_

_Huge thanks to those that reviewed: Simply Woven, PhoenixStar93 and AnimalCrakersFreak.  
__To everyone who Favourited/Alerted the story: Fally420, ForeverEvolving, Catty, Samvalasam, Rosa Atrus, Sparkie-43, Bitterandblue95, Missa32189, Kashtien James.  
__To Tizzy because I know you've read and because you're a mom! :)  
__To Molly for sticking with this story for so long!  
__To Ryan, Noah and Rory, I love you!  
__And to anyone else who had read this. _

_I can't say when I'll be back, life has gotten too busy for me, plus I only have one chapter of a new story written ;) I have to concentrate on my studies for a while, so I guess I won't be posting again until we finished up in twelve weeks (How will I survive without my FanFiction Fix!) I'll still be around when I have some spare time though, reading any wonderful ER-ness you guys post for my enjoyment :)_

_Thanks again!  
Until next time...  
__Katelyn _


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